[SVETLANA N]

Thank you Laura for getting back to me on my question.

You know, I feel like crying now, when I think about an idea to be apart with my man even for more than two weeks. I can’t even imagine living in two different states for a few month, not being see each other on weekends and so forth. The whole idea of LRD is against me, not working for me, and this is not what I would do for anybody. I know in my heart how much I am going to lose, if we live so far away from each other. I just not that strong, I think, to be able to handle it at this point of my life. I already explained to my man, the LDR idea is not working for me. He knows that by now. I am trying to be patient with him, and see what is he going to do about the relationship and making us living together a reality, not just a dream. I truly love him, and do not want to hurt him by being pushy, do not want to keep asking him the same thing over and over again. He knows what I want, and what I don’t want for us. I want him to lead this relationship and be the man.

I feel it is pretty fare to be this way. What do you think?

Svetlana.

[SVETLANA N]

Coleen,
I would suggest Not to be predictable for him, and do Not send him your appreciation text now. They need to be sent only, I think, as a reword for him doing something nice to you, or staying in touch with you at least through the texting. I know, it is hard to stay quiet and wait till he initiate a contact with you, but it works better and gives much better results, then being so predictable and sending your texts anyway. It would trigger his interest to you, if you are Not bothering or contacting him for a while. If he is Not texting after several days, then sending just a simple “I miss you” would help to initiate a contact.
I am really wishing you the best in your effort to win his heart. In fact, men are the one who suppose to win our hearts, not us chasing them, otherwise it goes against the nature and they lose their interest in relationship.

Svetlana.

[SVETLANA N]

Kanya,
Thank you for staying in touch with me. I just have a question or your opinion on my situation ones again.
As you know, this relationship is moving to be LDR for some time. Do you think it is a Good idea to ask my men about the time frame for being in LDR? Do I need to set up some time limits after which I need to decide, if it is working for me? Is there any time limit for LDR anyway? I do not believe that living far away from each other can help to keep the interest growing of moving together at some point. Is there that “point” when you can tell, if this is working for both of us or not?
I know, that relationship dies, if people live in a long distance from each other and not able to be together regularly. We were able to see each other so often for the whole year, so now it is changing for us. I do not feel good about it, and this what I said to my man over the open conversation the past weekend.
I know that physically we will be apart, and this is Not good. I do not want to put a pressure on my man, but I also understand his, and mine too, sexual needs. It IS important to stay close physically AND emotionally!

What are your thoughts in this situation?

Svetlana.

[SVETLANA N]

Colleen,

I agree with your statement to let Him chase You. I think it is important in relationship with the man. You are Not going to chase him, this feels distractive to men, they are hunters and they suppose to be on the chase, not you. I said it to my BF recently, when he asked me “Am I worth to be chased? I think I am”. And I said him, that sounds unnatural to me. In the nature you don’t see the male animal/bird is chased by female. You see only males are chasing, otherwise it does not make too much sense. I said, “I am a girl and I like to be chased, to feel being desired by the man I love”.
The idea is to keep his interest high, so he would continue “chasing you”.
You may use the simple texts ones in a while to trigger his curiosity or to let him know that you miss him. Just the simple text “I miss you” has so much power! And I do miss him, this is my true statement, and it needs to be used rarely, so he won’t be “spoiled” by you. It is so important to keep the balance between showing him that you are interested in this relationship and at the same time to show that you can have fun on your own, you are not desperate to get his attention.
I am just talking to myself here, you probably know all of that without me saying it to you, Colleen.

God bless you and me and all women in love!

Svetlana.

[SVETLANA N]

Dear Coleen,

I was reading your posts here and I am in similar situation with you in many aspects. The guy from Cambodia does not seem to be real. I received bunch of contacts from the guys like him on my own. They all ready to “get married” they all originally from your are, but at the time you write them, they are far away working on temporary project or so. They all saying I Love You over the e-mail, because it is very powerful message, and what they doing they are trying to manipulate you, so you would believe them and soon after it, they will be asking you to pay for the ticket for them to come and visit you, or something else like that. Be careful of con people on line, there are bunch of them at any web site you go. They immediately pick up your situation and trying to manipulate you and basically looking for free money that they can get from desperate women, who are looking for love. This happened to a couple of my girlfriends, and a few men from classmates web site were trying to get closer to me this way.

You BF from Canada sounds like a real one. He just needs to learn how special you are and that you are also not obligated at this point and you can start dating other guys, local people and enjoy your life anyway. Use all materials from Beirresistible.com, stay in touch with coaches here and ladies from the forum. It helped me a lot to improve my situation and I am sure it will help you too.

With my best wishes to you,

Lana.

[SVETLANA N]

Laura,
I am doing much better now. I had an open discussion with my man over last weekend, things are getting better now between us. Thank you for helping me to understand what to do in this situation.

Lana.

[SVETLANA N]

Hello,

I decided to participate in this discussion, since it is somehow related to my situation as well.
I am dating a guy over a year, and he recently got a new job and basically moved to another state, so we can meet on weekends only. This is LDR for me too, so I understand the frustration and those feelings that Lily has with her man, when he does not call as promised or texts her much later, than she would expect from him.
I would suggest a “feeling message” that could be vocal over the phone, when he finally calls, or over the text, after he texts her first with apology he did not get back to her earlier.
The simple respond would be “I felt so sad, when I did not received a phone call last night. And I do not like feeling this way. Is anything I need to know, why your calls don’t come to me as promised?”

That would give him an opportunity to explain his behavior and correct his actions.
If he does not want to improve himself in this direction, then I would suggest to say” I know my limits in relationship, I feel frustration, when the response from you is not coming in time. I don’t like feeling like that any longer. What do you think?” And let him again to improve his actions with the phone calls or texting. Please do not blame him directly, since the men don’t take the blame easily. He might not change quickly, but he may start being more sensitive to the situation and start calling or texting you oftener.

Hopefully it will help Lily in her situation.

Lana.

[SVETLANA N]

Minh,

I am reading this post just now, in the middle on April. I am wondering, if you were happy with your choice of having intimate contact on the second date with the man. Please share with us here, since your experience may be very helpful for others.

Thank you,

Lana.

[SVETLANA N]

Thank you Laura for responding me. I do appreciate your advise to an open dialog with my man.

That was I suggested to him over the phone, after I’ve learned he accepted the job and going there. He literally told me that news over the phone, when I called him asking how his day is going. To me it is not an honest behavior to keep me in the dark. He was saying prior to this time that the new job gives him a lot of time to decide if he wants it or not. Then there was a day, when we walked together and he mentioned that the new job is putting a pressure on him and they may ask very soon, if he is going to accept it. I said to him: they can put as much pressure as they want and it is up to him to decide, if he wants it or not. The was a time for an open dialog, but he did not go any further with me on that. It seams to me he concheonusly avoided to discuss things with me, and the only reason for that I see would be that I was not included in his future plans.
The job location is 8 hours by car, so it is not realistic for me to spend weekends there with him. May be one or two weekends, but not a regular time together as we had here, where I live. It will die soon, as we become tired of travelling to each others places. I know it and I said it to my man a few month earlier, before the new job situation came up. If you move the Michigan without inviting me to join you there, the relationship will be over, there is no way to have a long distance relationship for me. I know my boundaries, and I know what works and what does not work for me.

So I am staying quiet now, and when he called me last night just like a regular phone call we use to have with him, I said last night I could not give him that regular support over the phone and talk about simple stuff as what the weather is like, or what he ate for dinner or how he slept last night, I can’t do it until we discuss out situation face to face. He said OK, I will be back at the end of the week so we can talk. I did not respond on his text “Morning”, I feel so sad that it is going with me now, I try to keep myself together and go to work every day and take care of my dog, but I am so unhappy now! it is so opposite to what I use to experience, when we were together. I know I need to be strong and not to let any man in the world to bring me down. My life is precious! I need to survive.

Svetlana.

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