[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks. LOL. Out of balance? Probably. I have no supportive family. My boys, but they are my sons and have their own lives. They’re also several hundred miles away. I would never look to my parents for support. I learned that my mom usually put me down and criticized me more when I went to her for support. Aunt and uncle the same way. Do not have any CLOSE girlfriends. So I have no one. I’ve never had anyone I can count on or depend on. No, I have no one that’s emotionally supportive of me. My friend, Dave, in Seattle is probably the most supportive, but he’s a casual friend, a long ways away and I wouldn’t say really close. The last year and a half in Ohio was very hard on me. I feel very isolated with no real friends. Did almost no socializing in Ohio, and not much over the last 20 years. LOL. I think I’ve forgotten how to socialize.

LOL. But did have a nice short conversation with my friend on the train this morning (he initiated). Don’t think that will turn into a serious relationship, but he might become a friend. Seems to be a super nice gentleman. He’s Venezuelan and has only been in Canada for a year. Struggles with his English. I’ll continue to talk with him, but I don’t see anything serious there.

Will talk with you when I get back from vacation. Have a super week!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thank you. Glad you like my new profile.

This man on the train, I initiated the first contact. He’s good looking, always clean cut, very much a gentleman. He’s someone I’d be interested in getting to know. I have no idea if I’d be interested in a serious relationship. I know very little about him. Is he a Christian? How much does he drink? Is he active and does he enjoy outdoor activities?

I’m quite comfortable with my own company. I don’t NEED a man. I know, I know. I understand that’s the wrong thing to say, but I’ve survived quite well on my own and raised and supported both my boys on my own. I know from experience there are worse things than being single. I would definitely like companionship, some strong arms around me, and really would like someone to share responsibilities with. I’ve carried the responsibilities of both male and female roles my entire adult life and I’m tired. Would be nice to have some help. Would be kind of nice to be spoiled and pampered a bit. I’ve never had that. But I’m not so desperate I’ll get into a relationship with any many who comes along. I’ve shied away from four men in the past 9 months. I know for positive 2 of them wanted a relationship and the other two certainly gave me strong indications they were interested. I’m not, so I didn’t go there. I’ve been single since ’96, so it’s been a long time. I’m ready to have someone in my life again, but I’m not totally desperate.

I had an awesome day Saturday. Went kayaking alone in Banff. Perfect day and enjoyed it even if I was alone. Thursday I’m headed out to Vancouver Island for a week. Will stop for a coffee with a girlfriend on the way, but other than that I’ll be alone – and really excited about my trip. Trust me, LOL, I don’t sit at home whining and crying because I don’t have a man! (big grin)

I’ll probably be pretty quiet till I get back from vacation. When I get back would like to delve more into the feminine intuition.

Have a SUPER week!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

LOL. Oh, Kanya, Love your sense of humor! LOL. So true… men are animals. LOL. Quite honestly, though, I’d rather spend the afternoon with a pack of wolves or a family of bears than some of the men I’ve been around! I love wolves and bears. Such magnificent animals. Wolves are nothing but big dogs … and beautiful dogs. And easier to get along with than some of the men I’ve been around. LOL. Too funny.

I still respect my parents. God says to respect parents, so I won’t criticize and don’t hold bitter feelings, but I’ve also got to protect my mental/emotional health, so I keep my distance with respect. I feel very badly about the situation, but didn’t know what else to do.

Have made a few friends from the groups. Mostly female. And occasionally I do things with them. Made some male acquaintances. But there are fewer men than women and the men I’ve met I’m really not interested in.

I really need to revive that intuition and connection with the animal world. It’s still there but I haven’t been around animals much in the last 7 years. Much of it is observation, part of it is being in tune with that “energy field” people have around them. Let’s see if I can describe this…. part of it, I think, is how I might say it ….. tuning out of myself and focusing on the person or animal and syncing up with them – tuning in on their behavior and mood and tuning out my thoughts.

So it was really interesting. The gentleman I said Hi to Friday was already on the train platform when I walked up this morning. He looked up and smiled that electric smile and said good morning as I walked up. Then he stuck his nose right back in his phone. I got on the train through the same door he did and he motioned me to go on first. Very much a gentleman. He is also a gentleman to the other passengers around him. But just the fact he smiled at me first and said good morning kind of gave me the idea that he noticed me and I got his attention Friday? Maybe? Don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him talk to anyone on the train. Now I don’t know how to proceed from here. I’m wondering if he’s as shy as I am. If so, I want to be careful and give him plenty of space. Would like to come up with an innocent compliment maybe? Any ideas? I don’t see a wedding band, but that isn’t always reliable. He may also have a girlfriend. Don’t know. But it felt good that he acknowledged me first.

Also loaned out some camping gear to a young man and some of his friends. He flew in from the States and put a post on the CCS meetup site asking to borrow camping gear, so I said sure. He came over Friday night and picked up. Had a fun conversation. He thanked me several times for being so warm and friendly. Second time this summer a gentleman has said I’m warm or have a warm smile, so don’t know why I can’t find someone. 🙁 Seems like the ones I’m interested in aren’t interested in me and vise versa. (sigh)

I’m heading out on vacation Thursday morning. Heading to Vancouver Island for two grizzly bear tours and a sea kayaking tour. Ha Ha. Maybe I’ll meet someone on the trip. Highly unlikely, but you never know. 🙂 Be gone till the 22nd.

And I’ve chattered on a lot again. Hope you had a good day today,
Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thanks, Kanya,
I will look up that book. Sounds like a really good one. I also need to, maybe not apologize, but explain…. I’m not quite in a position to spend $70 on a course right now so Heidi suggested looking it up on youtube and internet. I looked up “feminine energy” and was pretty disillusioned. Then I watched James’ ad for his course on feminine intuition. I think that will be much different than what I found on feminine energy. So I was looking up the wrong thing. I grew up spending a lot of time alone in the woods/forests and developed a close connection to the land and animals. I understand and “read – talk with?” animals very well. Perhaps that’s a type of intuition. I’ve known for a long time people have what I call an energy field around them. Often its sometime neutral, but sometimes I can feel a positive energy and sometimes a negative energy. I tend to avoid people with a negative energy field. I think I could revive and improve the intuition I’ve had with animals and apply it to men. That’s something I’d like to work on. May have to just take the money for that course James has.

Yes, I’m quite shy and quiet. LOL. Even one of the ladies at the last meetup games night asked if I was always that quiet. Don’t really have family. My mom (who totally ran the family) was so negative and critical of me that I finally left. Had to put a major distance in between me and them to heal emotionally. Same with aunt and uncle, so I really don’t have family. My mom never wanted me to get married, told me I’d never find a good man. When my first engagement broke up she told me God was punishing me. I still really struggle with that even though it’s been over 30 years ago. My two boys, that I’ve wrapped my life around are now grown and live a long distance away. I still talk with them, but they have their own lives now. I moved to Calgary in 2012 – new country, new job, with only a few acquaintances. Moved 5 times averaging well over 50 hours/week (oil and gas industry) in those 7 years so not had opportunity to really make friends.

I am fairly active with Calgary Christian Singles meetup, Nature Lovers meetup, and Alberta Fun Paddlers meetup. Come January I’ll join Paddle Junkies (they have an annual fee starting the calendar year). But I’m not really meeting any men through these groups. I do have some female friends I occasionally do things with. Once daylight savings goes back to regular time I’ll have to find a gym or rec center as it will drive me nuts to come home to an empty house every night. Besides, I’ve got to keep up my exercise program.

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
How was your long weekend? Hope it was good.

Tried to look up some videos on youtube for feminine energy. So far pretty disillusioned. Seem pretty shallow to me and only mention things I already do, so maybe need to look more?

Have had nothing but silence with that profile, so tried again

:
It’s very difficult for me to put in writing who I am. There’s much more to me than what I can write here. So here’s a snippet of who you’ll find when we get a chance to meet:

I stopped this morning to say Hi to a homeless man on my way to work and share a snack with him from the stash I carry in my work backpack. Tomorrow I will take home-baked cookies in to work to share with the team. I like to brighten their day and let them know I appreciate their support. Last night I spent the evening kayaking on Glenmore. It was a gorgeous sunset and I got some good eagle and beaver pics. The only thing that would have made it better is to have shared it with someone. Skyped my boys after I got back. They are quite a ways away and I do miss them.

Sometimes I do crazy things like putting on some dance music and go dancing around the living room barefoot. Just my opinion, but I think if more married couples would put on some slow dances and dance around the living room occasionally, there would be few divorces. 🙂

My favorite weekends are when I can get to the mountains. I don’t care if I’m kayaking, hiking, horseback riding or snow shoeing, as long as I’m outdoors. Also open to trying new activities. If weather is bad, I sometimes head to a squash court.

I chose to be positive rather than negative; laugh rather than scowl. I chose to support and encourage rather than criticize. Being a lady, my heart melts with a little romance, be it flowers, a special note, a foot massage, or a candle light dinner out. There’s a special connection when I hear it best when you say nothing at all.

If you’re a true Christian gentleman that understands my profile, I’m waiting and looking forward to hearing from you.”

Tried to come across as more feminine in this one. What do you think? I feel so isolated and meet so few people. I think I’ve forgotten how to be a person and forgotten how to socialize. LOL. Said Hi to a man I see every day on the train. He’s always got his nose stuck in his phone, so when he walked up the platform I said Hi. He flashed me a beautiful smile, went 10 feet from me and stuck his nose in his phone. But that smile was worth it. Stopped to thank a janitor in our office building today for all his work and told him it was nice to come into a clean building every day. Again got a beautiful smile. Ha. Shows how starved I am for attention. I’m so quiet and shy that I find it very hard to meet people, especially men. That’s what keeps me going back to dating sites, but they don’t seem to be working for me. Been on and off them for 20 years. 🙁 So obviously doing something wrong. Think this new profile might get some attention?

Have a great weekend.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
I finally found it in my recommended section. It’s $70 so will have to wait for a bit. 🙁

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Heidi,
Here’s my re-write of paragraph 2. I’m trying to keep it short. One thing I don’t like is to read through a guy’s profile when he’s written a book. If it’s too long, I don’t think they’ll take the time to read it. I know I don’t. Don’t like a profile that’s too short, either, though.

“But there’s more to me than adventure. Ruth is the Biblical woman I identify with the most closely. I see much of me in her – strong, loyal, courageous, honest, hardworking. These are qualities I embrace. I see loyalty and honesty as essential components to a relationship. Although I can be shy and quiet at first, I do enjoy the adventure of getting to know someone. I enjoy a range of communication from a lively conversation to silently snuggling by a fire. And talking about snuggling, I’m a romantic, but romance can be for me can include simply finding a surprise note in my purse or a foot rub when I get home from a hard day, as well as dressing up for a candlelight dinner. I believe it’s important to feel cherished and appreciated in a relationship, so I love to find creative ways to express that.”

[Rhonda R]

Heidi,
Thanks for your insights in dating around. Makes sense. LOL. Right now I’m not getting to ANY dates. I guess there are a few guys I didn’t give a chance to get to the first date. I did go out with one man a couple times and still talking with him even though I’m not interested in a serious relationship. When I’m ducking out early, I usually just say something like, I’ve been thinking about this and the impression keeps getting stronger that I’m not the right woman for you. And I leave it at that.

I’ll go work on that 2nd paragraph now.
Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Heidi,
I looked for that insight on feminine energy, but didn’t find it. Which one were you thinking about?

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thanks, Heidi,
You always have constructive suggestions. Let me think about this one for a bit.

I’m interested in how you handled your dating “wrong” guys. Did you go out with them even if you thought you weren’t interested? How did you let them know you weren’t interested? I’d like to do more “dating around” and not just looking for Mr. Right, but then again, there are some guys I’m almost afraid to be friendly with as I’m afraid they’ll get the wrong idea.

I think the one about feminine intuition is one I haven’t read yet. I will go do that.

Thanks again,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks. LOL. I thought about maybe meeting him just because…. next time I will. I would have gone with walls high and thick and been reserved and cold. I was already feeling suffocated. But you do have a point. I’ll try not to run so quickly next time. Hey, LOL, at least I’m running. I used to not be able to say I’m not interested and accept anyone who would show me attention. I’ve been married twice and both were nothing but pure hell. Got into them because I didn’t have the strength to leave and say no right at the start.

So back to my profile. Did my re-write sound ok? I posted the re-write first paragraph only. Had 21 views and 1 like. Maybe if we add the other paragraphs……? What are your suggestions on the other paragraphs.

As for the article, I wasn’t really surprised. I’ve been reading James Bauer and Bob Grant for a couple years now, so these ideas weren’t new. I did like he pointed out that we should be able to express our needs, whether they dovetail with what the other person wants or not without blaming them or with out apologizing. I am ok with being disappointed/hurt if I feel safe with the person and the message is delivered in a way that’s not critical, condemning or cutting. Make sense? It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Is that the saying? I feel 99% of even negative things can be stated in a positive way.

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
Well, I emailed this guy and told him I wasn’t the right woman for him. Last email he wanted my phone number and waned to meet. But then he goes on in a long paragraph on how desperately he wants to feel my warmth and how he needs a relationship. I’m so gone. That’s 3 men now, in the last 6 months I’ve run from. Two were desperate and needy and I felt immediately suffocated. One I still see riding the train to work, but he’s got a very sarcastic, negative attitude and comes across with a little too much arrogance for me. Plus, he’s shown very little initiative to join me in my outdoor activities. The two men I’d go out with again have disappeared. 🙁 I changed my profile to that re-write first paragraph. We’ll see what happens. I ran across this article this morning. https://getpocket.com/explore/item/6-healthy-relationship-habits-most-people-think-are-toxic?utm_source=pocket-newtab
What do you think about it – other than the rough language.

Any other suggestions? I seem to be attracting the wrong type of men!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thanks, Kanya,
I will make that list and eventually send it to you. Right off I’d say
True Christian (implies honesty)
Positive/Supportive/Happy on his own/Confident
No smoking/very little drinking
Active and outdoorsy

So another question…… This guy keeps dwelling on how glad he is we’re communicating and after what, 5 emails, he’s already saying he thinks I could be someone special to him. Most of his emails dwell on a relationship. He keeps saying over and over how much he liked my profile and we should continue to get to know each other. The fact he keeps dwelling on it makes me uncomfortable. Coming across as a bit needy. Am I out of line on that?

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thank you so much, Kanya,
Do appreciate the support and positive feedback. I’m starting to communicate with a gentleman off Match. We’ll see how it goes. There are a few deal breakers I don’t know about him yet, so we’ll see.

Thanks again,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Sorry to take so long to answer. Again, the notice you had posted a response ended up in my spam and I didn’t see it. It’s funny. Sometimes it comes into my inbox and sometimes goes to my spam.

I appreciated your comments about disappointing others and working with my pain. It kind of makes sense. Would you talk more, please, about working with the pain when it shows up instead of running from it? Yes, you’re right. When I say I’m sorry to get out of conflict it is from fear. I’ll try to remember your suggestion, although when I get in a situation like that, my mind panics and it shuts down and doesn’t function. But I will work on trying to use that phrase. Thank you for your suggestion.

LOL. Free, white and 21 is a, what do I call it, slang term? for being single. You’re right. Others may not see it as a “joke” or quip not to be taken literally. I liked some of your suggestions. Thanks. Here’s my re-write:

“One thing I enjoy about my life is I can be totally spontaneous. I can wake up on a weekend morning and Little Boy Blue (my car) and I can head off on any adventure we want to. And trust me, he definitely has a mind of his own! He’ll often take me places I wasn’t planning on going. Since wildlife/nature photograph is my passion, my cameras come along. Often times one of my kayaks goes along and in the winter, my snow shoes get used frequently. We usually head to the mountains as they are where I find myself restoring from the work week. It’s a place where the challenges of life just seem to melt away and I feel the closest to God because I am interacting with His creation.”

Thanks again, Heidi. I’ll check sooner to see your post.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was AWESOME. No dates, but still awesome.

Smiles,
Rhonda

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