[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
LOL. I’ll be 63 in Dec and my goal right now is just to get to date #1 – with almost anyone. I pretty much enjoy making friends and let the future take care of itself. At least I THINK that’s where I am. Maybe I’m giving off another message. I went to dinner with a man a couple times last spring. But after getting to know him, I decided that wasn’t going to work. We still ride the train together and talk on the train. I had another very casual date with a man in May and he’s disappeared. Have had nothing since. LOL. I can’t even get one date with anyone. I’m not even meeting anyone to have a casual date with. Hopefully that will change when I start going to the rec center – next week. I’d be VERY happy to have a casual date with 10 different men. But that’s not happening.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
You always have great thoughts. I understand what you’re saying about rescuing myself. I really don’t expect anyone to rescue me. I can’t be dependent on someone else for my happiness and I definitely won’t put up with someone being dependent on me for his happiness. That’s manipulative, controlling and unfair. A person can’t be happy with someone else if they’re not happy with themselves. I’m not looking to be rescued.

Well, Adam’s profile is gone. So for some reason he took his profile off. Billy said something about telling his story in person, then he’s disappeared again. I’m not finding anyone on line I’m really interested in. Maybe I need to give in and go out on Facebook. LOL See who’s on Facebook who lives in Calgary. Stopped at the leisure center tonight and will start going there or to another fitness center.

I’m just not meeting anyone. 🙁 Maybe I need to start going to the local Starbucks every Sunday morning. Ha Ha.

Thanks again, Heidi,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
Thanks for your thoughts. Well, for one thing it’s a 2.5 hour drive each way. I’d have to ask my cousin if I could bring him. For another, I really don’t know him and to drive 2.5 hours each way with someone I don’t know and can’t speak English might be a bit much. Plus, he hasn’t been at the station all week. I’ve also thought about asking if he wants to go to a meetup activity with me to meet others but haven’t had the chance. I only see him on the train platform in the mornings and sometimes we miss each other and sometimes its just a hi as the train pulls up. I think I’ve talked with him a whole total of half hour maybe? I’m really thinking that’s a lot of driving, so probably won’t go.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thank you again for all the encouragement and positive comments. I have read in parenting articles that one of the best ways to change behavior is focus on the positive and simply ignore the negative and wrong behavior. I really do better in that environment, but there are few people who understand that. Most people focus on the wrong things and ignore the right things. Your focus on what I’m doing right is lots of encouragement and motivation. So thank you.

Do I feel I need to be rescued? Good question. LOL. Probably more in the responsibility arena where I could sure use a “rescuer” to help with the finances and the responsibilities around the house. I’m quite tired. I’ve carried the responsibilities of both male and female roles my whole adult life. I supported both my ex’s and neither of them did much around the house, then I raised both boys alone from ’96 and worked 50+ hours a week for over 17 years. So I’m tired and I would LOVE to be rescued from all the responsibilities! My last project from July 2017 to Feb 2019 was in Ohio, working standard 50 hour weeks and 60 hour weeks for the last 5 months. It was a very negative environment and I carried more responsibilities than warranted for my position. Plus I had no outlets (hiking, kayaking, photography) and no friends as all anyone else wanted to do is go out and drink and I don’t drink. I was totally exhausted and burnt out and pretty much a mess when I got home in February. I’m doing better now, but still not all the way recovered as that was on the end of the 17 year run averaging over 50 hour weeks.

You’re right. You got what I was trying to say. I was trying to talk to his hero instinct. I didn’t think about my comment coming across as negative and wanting to be rescued. I meant more to let him know how much I really appreciated his compliments. I will be aware of that next time. So anything I can do to correct that mistake?

LOL. So you liked my small attempt at flirting. I used to occasionally be able to be a decent flirt. Some men can bring that out of me more than others. I haven’t flirted in a long, long time so feel like I’ve lost a lot of that ability. I do love that playful flirtatious bantering, but sometimes I’m hesitant as I’m afraid it will come across the wrong way and give the wrong impression. Haven’t really had anyone I was comfortable being playful and flirtatious with for a long time. Plus sometimes I think the Hey, Babe, you …. is a little more appropriate for later in a relationship.

As far as asking Aregenes for Thanksgiving, part of my reason for asking him is my cousin’s husband is fluent in Spanish and I thought Aregenes would appreciate talking with someone who speaks his native language. Spanish isn’t the common language here like it is in the States. I doubt I will go and I am sure I won’t have the courage to ask him. It’s a 2.5 hour drive up to my cousin’s place and I’m being lazy. LOL. I’ll figure it out when I wake up that morning.

Thanks again for all the positive feedback.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thank you, Kanya,
Appreciate your suggestions on how to talk about myself. I will remember that.

So surprise, surprise. Billy showed up again and has started messaging again. He had been messaging daily then disappeared for several days. 99% of the time that means he’s gone, but got a message yesterday and again today. We’ll see how that goes. He said something about it would be better to share stories in person, but he hasn’t suggested a time or place yet.

Adam has not been on the site for 2 days, so I’ll follow your suggestion and wait for a week or so. Did you see anything in that last message I sent him I should have said differently? Was there anything inappropriate?

Let me throw out another question, please. So I found out more about Aregenes (my train friend from Venezuela). He was a lawyer in Venezuela. Now he’s a janitor. Something wasn’t matching with him being a janitor as he just looks and acts like a professional. He told me he can’t go back to his country, so he’ll be here for Christmas and Canadian Thanksgiving is this next Monday. Part of me wants to ask him to do things with me and part of me is very hesitant. My cousin has invited me to their place for Thanksgiving and her husband speaks Spanish. I’m half tempted to ask if I can bring a guest. I’m pretty sure my cousin would be fine with bringing someone. They’re just that type of people. But I just don’t know. I don’t think he has many friends here and heaven only knows what he’s been through. I could hear and see the sadness and pain this morning when I asked him about going home. Yet he’s always happy, always got a smile. He came to Canada a year ago not speaking a word of English, and I’m pretty sure totally alone. I know what that’s like, somewhat, as I moved to Calgary from Wyoming in 2012. Had a few acquaintances at work, but other that moved up here alone with almost nothing. And the acquaintances were all through work and married. Dunno. Any suggestions? And I know what its like to spend holidays alone. I’ve had to spend Christmas and other holidays totally alone several times. Not fun.

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Heidi,
Thanks for your last message. It made lots of sense. LOL. I often feel more like a man than a woman because I’ve had to fill that role for so long. I act and behave more like a male than a female. I’ve learned from experience not to trust, not to look for support or help from anyone. I’ve learned to be self-reliant and strong. Something I’m trying to change. I do like to wear a skirt or dress when I can. Wore a short skirt last night to church, one I usually feel very good in and ended up feeling totally out of place. I like to just sometimes sit outside, on a rock on a mountainside, in my kayak, wherever, and just become part of my surroundings, tune in totally to the breeze in the trees, the birds singing, maybe there are some animals around me. I become part of my surroundings and I feel comfortable, at home and accepted and content. I like to go feed the birds and feel their tiny little feet on my hand as they pick up a seed. I used to do a lot of tole painting and I used to sew my clothes and shirts for the boys. I no longer have the time nor the space. As far as that one video, doing things because of the way they feel rather than being the logical thing to do, I do that regularly. My photography, for instance, is because of how it makes me feel. I bought a really cute fall centerpiece today. He’s adorable. A racoon paddling a birch bark canoe. There’s a little turkey gobbler riding along. Oh, too funny. Now that I look at him, he looks more like a cross between a coon, hedgehog and squirrel. But that’s ok. He’s still cute.

Here’s the last message from Billy, the one I asked too many questions

Hi, Billy,
Sounds like you have a very interesting life. Would LOVE to hear your story sometime. 🙂 There are parts of NV that are beautiful, there are parts that aren’t so pretty. Did you do much traveling while you were there? Did you get down to the Grand Canyon? The red rock country around Las Vegas is beautiful. Did you get to Zion? Bryce? Do you still have your claims in the Superstitions, or were you working with companies that had the claims? Sounds like you have a very interesting job. I’m guessing you’re retired and not working here? If you’re retired, what do you do to keep busy?
LOL. Didn’t mean to interrogate you. I know I asked a lot of questions.

Have an AWESOME day tomorrow,
Smiles,

But it’s Adam I’d really like to get to know (the one I wrote about in the previous message.) I can’t tell if he’s read my message or not. Last time he was on was right about the same time I wrote him. There’s a slight possibility he checked and didn’t have a message and hasn’t checked back, but my guess is he read it and disappeared. Don’t know if there’s anything I can do to rekindle that interest or not. Any ideas? The other guys, it’s like, “ok, whatever”, but Adam really hurts and I’d really like to recover and get the chance to meet him.

Maybe I’m hiding by asking questions. I don’t know. The ones I asked Billy were because I was interested in what he was doing. It feels selfish to me when I talk about me and I don’t like to talk about my past at all. There’s no reason for me to look back except for lessons learned and it does me no good at all to talk about the past. If I get started talking about my pics, though, I can talk quite a bit.
Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, I am just a basket case. I feel so awkward and clumsy when it comes to guys. So messaged a guy on match and got this back.

Good evening Rhonda, i hope you have had a good day? Thanks for sending me a message and contacting me. You had me blushing, your wonderful compliment is appreciated. You look so good as well, looking at your pictures was like looking at a beautiful Sunshine because of your smiles. I see you love to saddle as well, lovely. I am an animal lover. Honestly, i am so new here and just trying to learn how to use this. I am sorry for the late reply, I was away for a while. I haven’t filled out my profile properly, and i will do that soon. I enjoyed reading yours, omg i cannot remember the last time i had a more pleasant time reading something so beautiful that depicts what i am and stand for. I am interested in knowing you more, sharing our experiences about life. I love traveling and seeing new places. I love camping, road trips, fishing and going to concerts. I hope to hear from you when you can. P.S Having a God fearing Christian woman is a plus for me.

Enjoy your evening.

Adam

I waited till the next morning and responded

Good morning, Adam, (shyly) now it’s my turn to blush. Thank you for your very kind compliments. Far more often I receive cutting, critical, negative comments, so your compliments are a beautiful island oasis with a safe harbour in a stormy sea. Thank you. You made my evening feel warm and happy.

Yes, I do love animals and love being in the saddle. Owned horses for over 20 years. Raised and trained two fillies. Had to sell them quite a few years ago and miss them. So (playful tease) if you want to make this little lady happy, take me riding (again, I’m playing and teasing). Actually, I enjoy anything that’s outdoors and love, love, love being in the mountains.

Like you, I enjoy traveling, camping and concerts. I’m vegetarian, so don’t fish, but I’ll take my kayak and camera and paddle the shores while you fish. 🙂

There’s so much to talk about with you. Would love to hear some of your stories about your travels and share experiences. What was your most memorable camping trip? And what made it memorable?

Sounds like God and your relationship with Him is important to you. Same with me, so that’s something else we could share and talk about.

I was going kayaking today, but the winds are to be quite strong, so change of plans. Think I’ll grab the snow shoes and head to the mountains. Are you doing anything fun today?

Here’s sending you wishes for an awesome, happy day.
Smiles,
Rhonda

P.S. I do have one question for you…… Are your expressive brown eyes as captivating in person as they are in your photos? (Oh, ooops, blush. Did I really say that?)

I have heard nothing back. So did I blow it in this response? This is someone I’d REALLY like to get to know. So was I too forward? Did I say something wrong? I’m a nervous wreck. I even dropped a contact card in the offering plate at church like they said to and have heard nothing. I think silence is the worst form of rejection. Means I’m a non-entity and don’t even exist. Even a Hey, get lost, go get your needs met somewhere else would be an acknowledgement I exist. Silence denies that existence.

(sigh) Oh well. I’m sure I’ll survive. I’d better go get some sleep and rest so I have energy. 🙂

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks. Yes, I understand what you’re saying about the difference between knowledge and wisdom. There are times in my life that I’ve been able to flirt and feel attractive. There are times I’ve felt my feminine side. I like those times. I love it when I feel like a woman and really enjoy being around a man who makes me feel like a woman. But 21 years of working 50-60 hour weeks, raising two boys, moving every couple years kind of destroyed that ability. I’ve never been a socialite. Always been socially awkward. Being a shy introvert doesn’t help. I’d rather ask a man questions about him and talk about him than talk about me. I read that isn’t the best thing to do. So the last email to this guy I asked him maybe 10ish questions about him, his work, etc. I shared nothing about me. I know I just don’t know how to create romantic tension. That’s certainly a skill I need to work on. I think I do better meeting a man in person rather than on line as much of my communication is non-verbal.

LOL. I always take the stairs at work for exercise. So last Friday I heard the stairwell door open behind me. I said hi to the gentleman behind me. Getting to the bottom of that flight, he told me my hood was mostly unzipped and would I like him to zip it up for me. So I stopped and let him zip my hood on for me. Have no clue who he was and I’m sure I’ll not see him again, but it sure felt good.

Wish I could figure out how to meet more men in person rather than on line.

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
I’m a little late in answering. I have read Man Magnet, but I need to read it again. I can read these lessons and understand them, but the trying to put them into action is another thing. LOL. I’ve often wished I had a male friend to practice with who would give me feedback.

No, not any more. I’ve walked away from the people I had to try to please and really don’t focus on being what someone else wants me to be.

Looks like I just lost another man I would be interested. He was writing daily, but nothing today. I must have asked too many questions. :(. I’m not even getting to a first date. 🙁

Thanks, Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks again for the encouragement.

I was talking about slipping into the male role with the guy from Venezuela. With him not talking English, maybe not having a car, not knowing much about the country… Heaven only knows what he’s been through with the political situation in Venezuela. But he’s always got a smile. Always vivacious, always happy.

I’ve been on dating sites for 20 years and talked with hundreds of men and nothing. Have just heard from a guy here in Calgary a couple times and he wanted me to text. So I did. We’ll see how that goes. I never know what to think when a guy says “Christian – Other” for his religion. Seems like a pretty nice man and my intuition says he’s genuine. We do have quite a bit in common. So now, how do I create romantic tension? I am horrible at doing that.

I’ve got to figure out some place to go and something to do in the evenings now that its getting cold and dark earlier. It will drive me nuts to sit home by myself every evening.

Will have to look up info on female intuition. Would like to pursue that more, learn better flirting techniques, and learn how to create positive romantic tension.

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Too bad you didn’t get to go kayaking. It’s so awesome! You’ll just have come back up. 🙂

I feel I’m falling into the stronger role with Aregenes (sp?). I’m not sure he has a car. He hasn’t left Calgary since he’s been here. I find myself wanting to introduce him to the Rockies, take him to meet new people, and again, I’m taking the leading role, something I’ve been trying to get away from.

Sean didn’t come to the meeting today. Not sure where he was at. He was fun to talk with. He plays disc golf and squash. I like both of those. Again, don’t know enough about him to know for sure if I’m interested or not. We’ll see. I think he’s supposed to come to our weekly meetings, so maybe he’ll come next week.

(sigh) I have to get out if I’m going to meet anyone. Sure not doing well on the dating sites. Been on and off them for 20 years with no luck. Not sure at all what I’m doing wrong. There are men out there I’d like to get to know, but they aren’t interested in me. :(.

Thanks again, Heidi,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Oh, P.S. I forgot to tell you…. I’m in Calgary, Alberta, Canada and love it. Love, love, love the Canadian Rockies. And I actually get treated better in Canada than I have in the States.

[Rhonda R]

Hi,Heidi,
Thanks. LOL. I think I have a new addiction – sea kayaking out of Telegraph Cove, BC in the, I think he called them the Plumper Islands. Lots of islands between Vancouver Island and the mainland. Absolutely gorgeous. We saw minke whale, humpbacks, stellar sea lions, harbour seals, eagles….. But then, I’m also pretty addicted to bear photography. I have 2 DSLR cameras and a 150-600mm zoom lens. They are the top of the mid-range cameras, so I get some half way decent pics. Over all, just a great trip. I have some pics out at https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/2-rhonda-robinson?tab=artworkgalleries. Don’t have the ones from this trip out there yet, but will put some out in the next couple weeks.

Sean works in another department so I don’t see him very often. He does come to some of our team meetings and will be coming weekly now. I met him at one of our meetings about a month ago and got to talking with him. He also likes outdoor sports and plays squash. He was at another meeting the day before I left and just the way he looked at me, I could feel something – maybe (big grin). Didn’t get a chance to talk. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that he’s good-looking. We’ll see. He should be at our meeting tomorrow, so will probably get a chance to talk with him again. Someone to get to know.

I also signed up for a Christian Singles weekend with Center Street. That’s coming up first weekend of Nov.

My friend at the train station said he missed me while I was gone. I think he doesn’t have many friends here. He said people here are quite a bit more reserved and backed off than they are in Venezuela. We only have 1 or 2 minutes to talk before the train comes, so not much time. He’s a janitor so I don’t think he makes much money. He’s also taking English class, but I’m sure it helps to talk with someone rather than just listen to tapes.

Gotta run,
Thanks again,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Oh, P.S. I’ve gotten NOTHING!!! from that last profile. I don’t know what to do.

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi and Kanya,
Hope you both had a wonderful week. I had a great week. If I had your email I’d share pics. Got some great grizzly bear pics. Had some good conversations with a couple gentlemen, but just like Martin, they said they’d email me but didn’t. Still nice to know they noticed me.

It’s back to work now. And fall is here, so new routines. Get involved at a gym. Will be interesting. Sensing some POSSIBLE interest from a gentleman at work. We’ll see. He’ll be in one of our meetings Wednesday.

Smiles,
Rhonda

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