[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
LOL. Do I really come across like I talk a lot and don’t give the man space to talk? Oh, too funny, as I’m really rather quiet in person and I’m usually the one doing the listening and often feel I can’t get a word in edgewise. Too funny. In person I’m quite opposite of how I came across. I will remember what you said and your suggestion. Yes, I did let myself get down. I’m tired and this job thing has me stressed. And…. I did get a message from him. He apologized for the delayed response and suggested we get off Match and exchange emails. I will remember your suggestion for all further communication with men.

I’m really struggling with losing my job. It FEELS, and I’ll emphasize FEELS, like Jennifer (Keyera supervisor) is smiling in my face and stabbing me in the back. She’s said some things and done some things that just don’t compute or make sense. So in a way, I’m not going to be crying crocodile tears to be out of there. I really don’t trust her. Looks like there are still 2 and MAYBE 3 possibilities, but I doubt I’ll know anything till after the new year.

Had a total shock today. Got on the train and my train buddy, Rod, gave me a Christmas present. He’s the one I met in March He lost his wife in Feb and in April was talking wanting a serious relationship. He’s the one I ride the train with that I’ve said is pretty negative. He’s done with his job on the 24th and I’m taking next week off, so Friday will probably be the last day I see him. He said he really appreciated my friendship and it made a big difference after his wife died. Totally shocked me as I felt I had given him a pretty cold shoulder. He’s got plenty of money so he’s taking a month off to work on his house then going to New Zealand/Australia for a few weeks. I think the trip will be good for him. We’ll stay in touch through email.

Have a super evening and wonderful day tomorrow,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
I was sure I had answered this a couple days ago. Wonder what happened to my post!?

One thing that hit home with me with that video was authenticity. My parents and my sister, and my aunt and uncle, all focus on behavior and the “right” behavior and acting like what they THINK is right. My sister particularly feels quite fake to me. Their behavior is all controlled by religion and what they think they have to do to get to heaven. Drives me up a wall. Nothing authentic there. All a front to make people think they are wonderful Christians.

Totally understand the need for connection as well. Something I don’t feel I’ve really ever had. Had a short glimpse of what it could be, but it didn’t last long.

Did have a good day Saturday. Went for a couple walks with a meetup group. A couple of the guys were total nuts. We laughed and acted silly. It was relaxing and fun to have fun and not even think about trying to impress someone.

So another question…. I’ve heard a couple times from a guy I’m interested in. This is my last email

Good evening, Kenneth,
Here’s a soft smile for you this evening. Do you prefer to be called Ken or Kenneth?

Wow, I’m impressed. You’ve done some traveling. 🙂 Do you have pics you’d like to share? What did you like about Paris and what did you like about Dubai?

Where are your kids going to school? I think it’s good for young people to travel. I paid for my boys on a couple high school trips each. It was expensive, but I don’t regret a penny of it. Will your kids be coming home for Christmas? Do you have fun plans for Christmas?

I’m saving for a trip to New Zealand. There are other places I’d like to visit as well, but New Zealand and Australia are high on the list.

Would enjoy hearing more about your work. I understand enough about construction, I think, to follow what you’re talking about.

Hope you’re enjoying your evening.
Smiles,
Rhonda

No response. Was I boring? Was I coming across as his mother? What did I say wrong?

Hope this time it sends. Have an awesome day tomorrow.
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
Thank you. Appreciate your comments about Lloyd. Nice to know I’m not all washed up with my gut feeling. I also just got to realizing….. most of his talk is about himself. He does talk about meeting others, but its often within context of what they’ve done for him – given him a suggestion to write a book, signed up as clients, etc. Just a gut-level feeling and observation that mostly its about him. There’s just something about him I’m not comfortable with.

You nailed it with my parents. My dad never showed emotion, and my mom would often come unglued. I learned at a young age not to tell the truth about what I felt, but to give the “right” answer. She wanted to control me clear down to what I felt and thought. Emotions weren’t allowed – except if it was my mom. I think your point is very valid. Another thing I struggled with is I was taught it is better to give than to receive. Somehow I internalized that if was “spoiled and pampered” and treated good, it was being selfish and therefore a sin. Took me a long time to get over that one. After all I’ve been through and being as tired as I am, I have no more emotions and almost lost the ability to feel anything. Been pretty much a zombie and robot for so long I don’t know what it feels like to be human. Been years since I’ve shed a tear. I can still remember a phone call with my mom when I was 42. The ex had pulled a control move just to hurt me. He was very emotionally abusive. I was quite upset and was venting to my mom. She lit into me and raked me over the coals telling me I was losing my Christian experience. I asked her how I should react as I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. She, for the very first time in my life, admitted I didn’t deserve to be abused, never told me how I should react, and immediatey lit into me again for being upset and chewed me out for not being Christian. THAT was when I decided if I was going to heal and stay out of abusive relationships I needed to get away from what was keeping me down and keeping my self worth so low and that’s when I started pulling away from my family.

Yes, it was really nice James showed up Saturday. I had to laugh. Dave had told me he would come Saturday as well and that he had it in his calendar. Never showed and didn’t hear anything from him. LOL. So Tuesday morning I get a text from him with a big huge apology. I playfully gave him a bad time and told him he owed me and sent it with a wink. Then I let him know I appreciated the apology and respected him for apologizing. Not everyone would. It was funny.

Boy, totally understand your last paragraph, but quite honestly, I have no one. I don’t know anyone here who I would say is comfortable with emotions or what I would call emotionally healthy. Maybe my cousin who I really respect, but I only see her once or twice a year. I have a few acquaintances here, but no close friends and no family. LOL. I have to laugh. My oldest boy is so good. It was a couple years ago, but I was Skyping him. Told him I had had a bad day and was feeling stressed and depressed. LOL. His response was “Oh no! Must give hugs!” Perfect answer. Made me laugh and made everything better. I’ve got two very wonderful boys, well young men now, one’s 25 and one’s 28.

So how do I start letting people in and being more authentic or vulnerable when I don’t know anyone well enough to know if they’re ok with emotions? Don’t have the foggiest clue where to start.

And…… I think I mentioned my job here is over end of January. God is so good. I have two very strong possibilities for work. One is a project in northern Ontario and another is a project in northern Alberta. I’m praying for the one in Alberta. But both of those will put me back to 50 hours/week+ and I’ll be away from home. No wonder I’m single!

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Good evening, Heidi,
Well, I’m not sure how it went with Lloyd. I hadn’t seen him for a couple days. I saw him Friday morning and said something, and I don’t remember what it was, but something about having a problem or a confession and he immediately said, “That’s ok. I offered to pay your lunch but now I have more money to pay for someone else. I met a guy on the bus I invited and can pay for.” Then he spent the whole trip into town telling me about how he had decided to pay for everyone’s dinner and how he was going to go over the book he was starting and he was going to give out vintage pics he wanted in the book and how he was going to honor a woman who had done lots and didn’t get honored enough. And there were going too be quite a few elite from Calgary there and I was going to miss out on meeting people. He also said something about how he had learned that to sell something you really had to be enthusiastic. So he verbally said it was ok and he wasn’t mad, but the whole trip into town felt almost like he was trying to give me a guilt trip. I don’t know. He keeps talking about he has coached all these people and how he gives so much money away. Again, something doesn’t feel right, but can’t quite put my finger on it.

I had asked both James and Dave to come help with bringing the washer/dryer up my steps. Dave had told me yes and it was in his calendar. He never showed. Fortunately James did come and it was pretty easy. He and I were able to get them up the stairs ourselves. He came around 8:45 this morning and didn’t leave till after 1. He likes to talk. But it was nice to have company and someone to talk with. James also told me about a great website for job hunting in the type of work I’m in, so that was nice. He’s a good friend.

So I know I don’t know how to be vulnerable. Part of it isn’t trusting people, but also a lot of it is not wanting to be a burden on someone else, not wanting to impose on someone and not wanting to be selfish. I just don’t know how to be vulnerable. I read all the time me want to feel needed and I don’t know how to do that without coming across as needy and dependent. When I’m open, people react more like I’m complaining and whining and they don’t want to hear it and pretty much tell me I should deal with it. So obviously I’m not being open or vulnerable in the right ways.

You’re right, saying I want someone to take care of me isn’t the greatest wording. What I REALLY mean is I am way ready for a man to come into my life who will share his life with me, treat me like a lady, and carry his share of the responsibilities and be the leader God intended. Yes, I want a man to take care of me, but only in the context of what is normal and healthy for a man to provide for his lady. I don’t mean that I want to be like his child and him to take care of me like I’m his kid. Make sense? I’ve had to carry the responsibilities of both male and female rolls my whole adult life and I’m way ready for a man to come into my life who will take part of my load and carry his responsibilities. Ready for my income to be secondary and his primary and ready for someone to share the responsibilities – as well as the fun times and having a companion and someone to share with. That’s only one aspect of the relationship I want.

So I don’t know if you watch The Masked Singer. But it’s really interesting. The Thingamajig has really opened up his soul right from the start in his clues and his songs are rather personal. On his 2nd performance Nicole flat out said she would marry him for his performance. His 3rd performance he dedicated to her and after his 4th performance when the masked singers give clues, he asked Nicole what her perfect date would be cuz he wanted to get a head start on planning. Kind of fun to watch the romance blossom, but I’m thinking, if I said some of the things Nicole did, the man would vanish into thin air. But Thingamajig is eating it up and really going after her. So two things I’ve noted: 1) Things Nicole has said and how that would definitely NOT work for me and 2) How Thingamajig opened his soul and heart from the beginning and how everyone, including the public, love it. When I’m open like he was, people run away or put me down or try to “fix” me. I definitely don’t get the reactions he has. So why? I don’t have a clue if Thingamajig went into this program with the thought of winning Nicole’s heart or not. In one interview, he did say he was a huge fan of hers and they’d see how it goes after the show. But the romance has definitely blossomed, whether he went into the show with that in mind or not. Interesting to watch.

Is it ok for me to have down times and days> Right now I’m feeling quite overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed. When I get like this I tend to get really quiet and withdrawn. My brain shuts down and I don’t know what to say and my social interactions really suffer. I know it’s only temporary and try not to let it show, but its tough.

Anyway, need to go. I’ve got tax stuff to do already, job hunting, and Mike sent me a link for Maximo, the database we’ve been using on this project. Maximo is a special skill and people who know Maximo always have work, so I’m going to to through the learning modules and get that on my resume – as if I needed something else on my plate….! But it will be worth it.

Have an AWESOME day tomorrow!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thank you, Kanya,
I will definitely look at it. Thank you for sharing that with me.

Right now I am just embarking on another exciting adventure…….. I just found out this afternoon my job is ending in Jan or Feb when I thought it was good through to the end of next year. But I’ve been in this position before and God has always taken care of me and made sure I had work. My Worley boss has been looking for me within the Worley and there are a couple possibilities. It will be exciting to see what God has in mind for me next. Maybe I can use that vision board for job hunting as well.

Yes, I definitely want a man who will take care of me. Obviously I don’t mind caring my share, but I’m way ready to have someone else take the lead. I know I have trouble being vulnerable. I’ve learned from experience I can’t rely on anyone. I only get let down and hurt. I learned if I wanted something done, I’d better do it myself cuz I can’t count on anyone else to help me out. Trying to find that balance between being vulnerable and letting a man know I need him and not being needy and dependent, or at least coming across that way.

Thanks again,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thanks, Heidi,

I do like that. I’ll say something tomorrow if I see him. Just let him know I am really tired and need to slow down and not go so much. LOL. this situation reminds me a bit of the timeshare sales people. LOL. I can’t put a finger on why I feel uncomfortable, but it’s a pretty strong gut-level feeling.

The link to Mr. Rogers https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/19/magazine/mr-rogers.html we’ll try again. If it doesn’t work you can google “The Mister Rogers No One Saw”. It’s a New York Times article.

Kanya, am I coming across like I need to take care of someone? I think I’m past that, but I’m not doing a good job at all of attracting men who want to be gentlemen and take care of me. How can I start attracting those types of men?

And I’m very, very tired tonight and not functioning,
Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
Sorry, didn’t see your message come through.

LOL. Yes, I can totally imagine what it would be like to be with someone I didn’t feel I need to take care of. Had that experience late this summer. Martin took pretty good care of me. I tried to return some of it, but he was giving more than me. And, 🙂 I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it.

Let’s see, Brad I met at a meetup. Patrick I met on line. Rod I met at a meetup. I think Patrick is the only one who is a dry alcoholic. Playing squash this Wednesday with a gentleman who answered my post on a meetup. Not sure I’d consider that a date. Mark I meet at a meetup. Mark was also very good to me. I did ask a couple gentlemen to come over and help me move a washer/dryer up my 6 steps so Habitat for Humanity can come pick it up. Supposed to be this Saturday.

I do find I tend to want to be a giver, but I sure don’t feel a need to take care of someone. Would welcome someone taking care of me! I did give rides home to a couple men at different meetups who took public transit to the event, but I wouldn’t be interested in dating either one of them. I’m not attracted to men I need to take care of, but sure having problems attracting men who want to take care of me! Not sure what signal I’m giving off.

Had some fun flirting with a couple salesmen this weekend. Doubt I’ll see either one of them again, but it was fun. Made them both smile.

Oh, I need some suggestions. Lloyd, the 70-year-old that ride the trains keeps asking me to do things with him…. be on his board of directors?? He wants me to come to his “board meeting” which just happens to be dinner the day before his birthday. He said he’d pay for my dinner. There are others coming, at least he said there would be others. But something doesn’t feel right. It feels like it might be more of a sales pitch. He claims to be a golf coach. Also claims to be a CEO of his company, which I’m getting the feeling he’s the only one in his company. He did say he got two clients taking them to dinner. ??? I don’t know what to believe of what he says and something doesn’t feel right. I initially accepted thinking I should go just to meet people, but am quite uncomfortable with it. How do I get out of it? Any suggestions?

Thanks, Rhonda

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi and Kanya,
Update on the date tonight. It went ok. He really isn’t what I’m looking for. We had a good conversation. He admitted he’s a sober alcoholic. Scares me to death after what I went through. Plus he’s not at the same place I’m at with my relationship with God. He said something about going kayaking together – of course next season. He’s not near as active as I am, either, so don’t see this going anywhere. Met another gentleman Saturday afternoon at the volunteer meetup. We were sorting and packing clothes for the Mustard Seed – a homeless shelter. Mark is ok. Again, not near as active as me and unemployed. He took the bus all the way across Calgary and walked from the bus station to where we were sorting. I’m impressed. I gave him a ride home afterwards and we had a good talk, but again, I don’t see that ever becoming anything other than friends. Sigh. Just not meeting anyone I’m interested in. Oh, well. Have Women’s Christmas Dessert night Friday, Calgary Christian Singles Annual Christmas Party Saturday, a Christmas Concert with Calgary Christian Singles Sunday, CCS dinner on Thursday the 6th, two more meetups the following week….. Will start going to Southland Rec Center tomorrow, now that I’m home and not traveling any more. Still wish I could get the guys I want to talk with to talk with me on Match. Still haven’t figured that one out yet at all. 🙁

Anyway, have an awesome week!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi and Kanya,
Just read this and thought I’d share. Enjoy! It’s on Mr. Rogers.

Hope you both had a wonderful week.
Smiles,
Rhonda

P.S. Good to be home. Been a hectic 3 weeks.

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thank you again for the encouragement and positive comments. I’m starting to feel a LITTLE bit like my old self. Years of working 50-60 hour weeks, being a single mom, moving every couple years, and then the project in Ohio really ran me into the ground. I was pretty far gone physically, mentally and emotionally after Ohio. It’s been 10 months now of mostly 40 hour weeks. Been some traveling and a few 50 hour weeks, but mostly 40. PLUS….. I’m back to the mountains I love that are so much a part of me and I have people to do things with – kayaking, hiking, photography, and the Calgary Christian Singles is a good group of people to do things with. All those things are helping me feel a LITTLE bit more like myself. Plus the encouragement and support from you and Kanya has also helped immensely.

Interesting web site. I do several of those things – walks, hiking, horseback riding (when I can), hot showers, hot springs (when I can), occasionally wear nice smelling body lotion….. Still really, really really want to find a man to date and maybe marry, but I refuse to sit at home whining and moping.

Have a SUPER day tomorrow! 🙂
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
Yes, my dad isn’t one to apologize. He’s been through hell a couple times over and while I don’t agree with what he does and how he believes, I still have to love him. Both my parents grew up in very, very dysfunctional homes, so its no surprise the I grew up in a dysfunctional home. It could have been much worse.

Hmmmm. Your second comment caught me by surprise. I don’t know what has changed. I didn’t realize I was reacting differently.

Thanks. This is week 3 in Texas. I’m really ready to be home and stay home for a while. I don’t mind the work. Kind of nice to be out in the field for a change and I enjoy the more physical work compared to sitting in front of a computer racking my brain. The weather is nice for the next couple days and my co-worker, Dave, is fun to work with, so it’s ok, but it will be good to be home.

Hope you have an awesome week as well,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thanks, Heidi,
Yes those compliments are like little presents. I try to hang on to them and let them lift me up when I’m down.

Quite honestly, Heidi, I have very few feelings about my mom’s death. Not affecting me much at all. There was no relationship there so nothing to miss.

Date Sunday is with a gentleman off Our Time. Our Time limits their text boxes to 200 characters, so very little to go on. Seems like a nice gentleman. We’ve emailed through Our Time very little and I don’t think we’ll talk before then. I’m at the airport right now, waiting to fly to Texas for the week. We’re just meeting at Starbucks for a coffee. But that will give us a chance to talk. LOL. I’m not sure he’s as active or crazy as me. Kayaked the Upper Kananaskis Lake yesterday. 15 kilometers, 1/3 heading into 20-30k winds, 1/3 50k winds to our back. Winds blow my kayak around, so even with a wind to my back, its a fight to keep it straight. Coming into the boat launch we had to backtrack into the wind and go across the lake so we could come in from a different angle from a the more sheltered side. Challenges the strength! Froze my tail off and loved every minute of it. With two very nice gentlemen (one married and the other has a girlfriend and not my type.) Ha Ha. Then I went to Calgary Christian Singles board game night. Lots of new gentlemen – that I didn’t really get to meet as they all played at a different table. Next time.

My life should settle down and be more normal after this week. I’m ready for it. Been a hectic month.

Have an awesome week!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Good evening Kanya and Heidi,
Thanks so much for your support. Really appreciated. My mom was in a coma when I got there. Focused on helping my dad and sister and visiting with a niece and her family and a nephew and his wife. Had a great time chasing my niece’s girls around a playground. LOL. This 62-year-old was climbing the bars, sliding down the slides, acting like I was 10.

My dad started in on me saying something about not being saved and not being a Christian. He claimed I don’t keep the Sabbath. Not sure how he knew that, but I reminded him firmly but respectfully that Paul states very clearly that every person has a direct line to the throne of God and Paul also states clearly that we are to be ready to give a reason for what we believe and from there on out its God’s responsibility. He said something about not realizing I was that convicted. The next day he apologized for offending me and continued to say he wanted me in heaven. I quietly said that just because I didn’t believe what he did doesn’t mean I don’t have a relationship with God. He just said, “It’s not what I want, it what the Lord wants.” I just dropped it and didn’t respond. My nephew’s wife talked with me a bit. Don’t know her well. Met her briefly over 10 years ago. We talked about my parent’s move into the boondocks a few months ago and we shared the same thoughts – not a good move for them because they had no support in this place out in the middle of nowhere. Azel told me, “You’re different and it’s refreshing.” Surprised me as we had had very little interaction and I didn’t realize she would pick that up about me.

I was only there a day and a half, but that was long enough. Left early Monday morning. My mom died later that day, but she couldn’t eat or drink and was in a coma, so it was a blessing.

Three years ago at another family reunion I had a cousin tell me she had always thought I was the rebel, but I was not. She said I wasn’t the rebel, but the loving, caring one. Interesting to get that feedback and the feedback Azel gave me a few weeks ago as I often don’t know how others see me.

LOL. I’m really laughing. I found out what part of my problem is…… My co-worker in Texas, David, is a fun, good-looking, laid-back man. (Married and not my type at all) He made no bones that he had just turned 50 (looked more like 35). LOL. He kept trying to get out of me how old I was. I wouldn’t tell him, but he kept teasing me on how hard I was working him and guessing I was a few years younger than him. I would just smile and thank him for the compliment. But I had no problem keeping up with him. I run circles around a friend of mine who is 55. I’m looking for a younger man who is as active as me and men that young don’t want to date an older woman. Grrrr. I’m stuck. LOL.

Another interesting moment – David and I had the same plane home Tuesday (ha ha .. best laid plans of mice and men. We came home a few days early as we ran out of supplies only to have to go back this coming Sunday). He was sitting a row ahead of me across the isle. We landed and a gentleman behind me got my bag from the overhead for me. I thanked him. David gave me that look and shook his head. I just commented that the guy was a gentleman. David gave me another dirty look. LOL. So I told him he was also a gentleman. Then David gave me a bad time about how hard I had worked him that week and now I had another man working for me. I just laughed. Then David said, It’s that smile. Again….. an interesting comment and feedback. I’ve had 3 or 4 comments this year about my smile. Guess I’ll have to keep perfecting it.

Got a date Sunday the 24th after I get back from this 3rd week in Texas. Should be interesting.

So I really prattled on this time. Its just these little, innocent, statements made in passing that I ponder and think about. Is that really how people see me? I guess that should be a mirror back to me that I shouldn’t underestimate the power of a small compliment can make with another person. I’ll have to remember that and see if I can figure out how to hand out small compliments without making someone feel uncomfortable. Hmmmmm.

Hope you both had a wonderful week,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Heidi,
Thank you for sharing. Wish I had your thoughts yesterday. I’m sitting at the airport right now. I don’t hold any bitterness to my parents. Last time I saw hmy mom she apologized for how “harsh” she was on me growing up. I accepted the apology, but that doesn’t change the past and doesn’t change the results and I still don’t trust her. I question the motive for her apology, but can’t judge, so just accepted it.

Glad you have the courage not to go see your dad. I really like your approach. I do wish my parents and sister the best and do not judge them, but I can’t be around them very much. Will probably keep my ticket for next weekend as well (when I was originally going to go see them) and that will be the last time.

Have a great weekend. Thanks again for the thoughts and new perspective on that commandment. It helps. I’m off to get on the plane.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Oh, I am struggling! My mom has had a stroke and I’m pretty sure she won’t be with us long, so I’m spending lots of money, giving up my Christian Singles weekend (losing $70 on that as they won’t refund the ticket), leaving people at work in a lurch to go see them this weekend. I am really struggling with anger and resentment. I am not part of that family. I am trying desperately to obey God’s command to honor my mother and father, and that’s the ONLY reason I’m going. I feel obligated and I know people will think I’m horrible and terrible if I don’t go. I’ll go straight from their place to work in Houston next week, so it will be a mess with expenses and time. I’ll lose much of my travel time and expenses. I’m angry and resentful at having to go at this point. And then I feel very guilty for feeling that way. Have to be in Houston till the 15th for work. All those arrangements were made, flights booked, hotel reservations made, car rentals made, etc., several weeks ago. Now I’ve had to change them all.

I know its stupid and not true, but when something’s taken away from me like this weekend that I was really looking forward to, all I can hear is my mom saying, God’s punishing you. And that old feeling like God wants me to be as miserable as possible creeps in again.

MAYBE have a possible date when I get back. Wrote one guy off OurTime. He came back and said he was in the middle of watching Game 7 of the World Series and suggested we meet for coffee. I wrote him back and asked him if his team won, let him know I enjoy watching baseball and other sports occasionally and said I’d love to meet for coffee. Said I appreciated him asking as I feel more comfortable meeting people in person than writing. Did not say anything about being gone for 2 weeks. Didn’t know if I should or not. Hopefully he’ll be patient and trust I’m telling the truth and we can meet when I get back.

Anyway, dealing with far more resentment and anger than I realized was there. And tons of guilt as, if I’m totally honest, my issue is the interruption to my life and the money I have to spend, rather than losing her. I lost her a long time ago, so it really won’t be any different now, anyway. Just having to deal with an extremely difficult, annoying weekend of putting on a front cuz I definitely can’t say what I think around them. My sister is much like my mom, a manipulating drama queen, and comes across to me as totally fake, so I just keep my mount shut. Be a tough weekend to keep my mouth shut and definitely do not let my feelings run my behavior! Just because I feel angry does not mean I have to act angry!

And I can be honest and vent with you, as you’re a third party with no ties to anyone in the picture, so thanks for letting me vent.

Gotta run. Have a super weekend,
Rhonda

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