[Rhonda R]

Heidi,
Thanks. Will write more later but wanted to share this on “faith grenades.” This I really, really identified with.

Got some baby heron pics today. 🙂

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hey, I have a couple questions

1) Why do guys post pics of them frowning? Huge turnoff for me.
2) Why do guys post pics of them with a big fish they caught?
3) What does it mean when they say their religion is “other”?

LOL. Why do all the ugly guys from across the country contact me? Blah! Those are the only ones I hear from.

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thanks, Kanya,
Glad you’re enjoying staying home. I can understand. What I’m hearing is you get the love and social interaction you need with just your family and your dog. I do understand that. 🙂

The only time I hear echos of my mom saying God is punishing me is when I’m another man rejects me again. I push it out of my thoughts after a day or so. What would God punish me for? Well, I hate to admit it, but I was intimate with a boyfriend or two. Starved for affection after my two divorces (both men cold as ice and the 2nd, I would say sexually abusive), and feeling like I wasn’t getting any younger, I accepted affections I shouldn’t have. That was later. When my mom told me that, my only “sin” was going out to CA to college instead of MI where she wanted me to go. I also don’t go to church. Church is a place where I’m condemned, criticized and judged. And that makes me feel guilty So God could be not letting me find someone because I don’t go to church, too. i do spend time reading the Bible and I head to the mountains to spend time with God.

I have the opportunity to take an on=line workshop with Bob Grant on emotions, but I’m too cheap to spend the money. He’s pretty expensive. It would be good for me as at this point I’ve gone pretty emotionally dead, but don’t feel I have the money.

It’s interesting. I don’t find the God my family worships at all in the Bible. Even in Isaiah and Jeremiah. Have you read Jeremiah recently? Oh my, he’s definitely a doomsday prophet! And he kept at it for well over 20 years. But every once in a while there’s a statement that God is allowing bad times to come on Judah so they’ll remember Him and come back to Him. There are also a couple places were Jeremiah tells the people if they will return to God, He would avert the bad times. I don’t hear, “You’re horrible people. I’m punishing you because you’re so bad.” I hear, “I love you and I’ve got to give you something so you’ll remember that what you’re doing is wrong and not acceptable.” Pretty different message, I think, anyway. Just my observations. My dad and sister are totally focused on behavior – to the point where my sister feeds her dog vegan dog food and wears long, straight dresses and listens only to very conservative religious music – no rhythm or beat to it at all. So of course they think I’m a horrible sinner and make it clear I’m going straight to hell. It feels to me like much of their focus is on themselves and their behavior and being good enough and that just doesn’t feel right to me. Our focus should be on God and what He’s done for us and let God convince each person what’s right. Of course, they spend all their time being missionaries and my dad has pallets of the missionary books he’s written in the garage and he has an on-line missionary site. They charge for Bible lessons and grade the lessons and give tests on the Bible lessons? ???????? I’m sorry. I don’t get it. But because I don’t spend 100% of my time being a “missionary” and don’t follow all their behaviors, I’m going straight to hell. Sorry. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. Like I said, I don’t find their God in the Bible anywhere. I do believe Saturday is the Sabbath, not Sunday. But I will go volunteer on Saturday, something my family would send me straight to hell for. So yeah, lots God could be punishing me for. Ok. I’ve vented enough.

Have an AWESOME weekend!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Oh, P.S. You asked about my feelings since my mom died. Nothing, really. Christmas time it was like, Oh, I don’t need to get her a present. And Well, I won’t get the usual Christmas/birthday check this year. But other than that, nothing. Is that horrible? Fact is, there was no relationship there. She was an acquaintance and that’s all.

[Rhonda R]

Thanks, Heidi,
Yes, I know there are good men out there. I’ve seen several I’d like to talk with on OurTime, but none of them respond to me. No clue why. Did hear from Dean yesterday. He said he had been busy and apologized for not writing. Said he’d write today, but I haven’t heard from him. I don’t buy it. He works dispatch at night and was sometimes writing twice a night – lengthy emails, so he’s had time to write. I’ve been looking since ’96 so it’s getting a bit discouraging. Prayed and prayed and prayed and all I hear is silence and the echo of my mom saying, God’s punishing you.

Hey, did you see the government opened up hair salons, gyms and bowling alleys yesterday. That’s a start! 🙂 Is the weather getting nicer there so you can get out? I’m still jealous of you living in the mountains. 🙂 Did see a couple swallow-tailed kites yesterday. This is a bit out of their range, but there’s no doubt that’s what they were. Of course…. I was at work and didn’t have my camera. But that long, split tail, white body with black wing edges is definite identification. Cool to see whether I got pics or not. If the weather’s nice Saturday may go down looking for them.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks for the positive comments. Yeah, it’s taken me a long time to work through some of those issues. Still not sure I totally have, but doing a whole lot better. I was determined not to raise my boys the way she raised me.

Nothing from Dean again today. I’ll be very surprised if I hear from him again. Oh, well, like you said, good practice and it showed me there are still a few good men out there. LOL. I was hoping he would reconsider his belief about God, but looks like that isn’t going to happen.

Traffic is increasing around here again, so things are picking up a little. I’m still wearing a mask when I go out and still doing more ordering on line. It’s almost getting too warm for walks here = up in the high 70s and low 80s with high humidity and there’s little to no shade where we walk unless its later in the evening and the sun is lower in the sky. I am on for volunteering with the food bank again this weekend, so that will be nice.

Yes, sun is supposed to kill the virus, so summer will be good. 🙂

Stay safe and well,
Smiles,
Rhonda

P.S. Why are all the good men married?

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Ooops. I thought I had responded to your last post. My bad.

Thanks for the support with how that guy reacted. My boys went through quite a bit of bullying in middle school and high school – often from the administration rather than the kids. I would tell them First, you don’t deserve to be treated that way. Secondly how they treat you is a reflection on them, not on you. However, you can’t control how others treat you. You can only control how you react. So choose to let it make you stronger and more understanding and don’t let it destroy you. LOL. I try to tell myself that when people aren’t the nicest. Very different from what my mom would tell me when I was bullied in school. She would tell me it was my fault and if I were a nicer girl, the kids wouldn’t treat me that way.

So I’ve been hearing almost daily from a gentleman on OurTime. We have a lot in common and seem to have similar personalities. Biggest issue is he’s agnostic. I said something in my last email about how God has led me and has taken care of me. Haven’t heard from him today. We’ll see if he writes again. Too bad. If he were a Christian, he’d be almost perfect.

Contractor came back to work today and I’m hearing we will be starting to work 50 hour weeks. Works for me. There’s nothing to do here anyway. Two of my co-workers and I do get out for walks along the levee when the weather is good. So that’s been nice. Went 5 k (3 miles) tonight.

Hope you’re doing well, staying safe and are able to get out. Just saw an article a couple days ago that sunshine kills the virus. 🙂 Did you watch the One World Together at Home concert? It was pretty good.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Hope you had a good day.

Glad you could see I meant it to be positive. But my concern is other people would read it the same way you did initially. If it came across wrong to you, it probably came across wrong to others, too. I said something to a co-worker the other day and he said, You take things too personally. I was taken back as I wasn’t feeling defensive or thinking his comment was directed to me at all. So I know sometimes things I say come across totally differently than I intend.

Yeah, your suggestion is good. I can see that now, but it didn’t cross my mind at that time.

I’ve been praying I could do something to help others. I had looked for places to volunteer around here and found nothing, so after praying I got this idea to look for a food bank. I just registered to go help with the community garden at the food bank next weekend. Should be fun. Will give me something to do and get me out of the house on the weekend.

Have an awesome day tomorrow.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Heidi,
Question for you…… do I really come across as that negative? I don’t see myself as negative and I have no clue that I’m coming across as negative. Like in that last thing I said, I intended it as positive, but it came across as negative, so I’m a little perplexed. Not sure why I’m coming across as negative.

I don’t know. Maybe because I grew up in a negative environment? I’m definitely more positive than my growing up environment. I guess maybe I don’t know what positivity is?

I know I definitely make it a point to be careful that I’m not critical of others and always try to pay attention to be positive and give compliments rather than criticism. I try to talk about the issue and not send “you” messages or attack the person, but talk to the issues.

I’ve also tried to purposely look for positive people to hang around.

I certainly am not aware I’m sending negative messages.

Any thoughts?
Smiles.
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Yeah, LOL, there is lots to explore around that area. Enjoy!

I found your comments very interesting. I did not see nor feel that my comments about not finding very many interesting men on OurTime to be negative at all. It was meant as a compliment for him and that I’m a little picky and looking for a high caliber man. I had no clue that it would come across as negative. And, yes, I am picky. Very few men out there meet my criteria. I followed it up by saying I am a high quality woman looking for a best friend and companion. No, I don’t just contact anyone out there, either. I meant it that I am high quality woman, have specific expectations, and I’m looking for someone specific and a high caliber man and he stands out from the rest. Not quite sure what’s negative about that. I was trying to give him a compliment and not reflect anything negative about me. Apparently that didn’t come across.

Have an AWESOME weekend!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Yes, you are in a beautiful area. How long have you been in CO? If you get a chance, explore down to Teluride. It’s AWESOME! I lived in SW WY for 11 years. Worked for a survey and pipeline engineering company for part of that time and most of our projects were in central CO. I liked staying in Glenwood Springs when we’d go for work trips. I never made it to the hot springs, though. Haven’t spent a LOT of time in Denver, but familiar with the area. The Laramie area is absolutely gorgeous as well. It’s a huge valley surrounded by mountains. Central CO is high plateau and a little dryer and more open than around Denver, but I love that high country.

I left the payment with OurTime as I figured hopefully it might yield someone to talk with during this time. If I were at home I would definitely do as you suggested. Did find one gentleman tonight, but may have overdone it in my response. Told him I found it hard to find anyone on the site that interested me but there was something that made him stand out and something about him I liked. We’ll see if he responds.

I am spending a little more time reading the Bible. I forgot about tapping. Did go for a nice walk along the levee last night. Found another access to the levee a little further south that night be a bit nicer with fewer barges along the shore and less ship activity. Had a good day at site today and I’ll go back for a few hours tomorrow.

Oh, I guess I didn’t explain very well. James is a friend from Calgary Christian Singles. No interest on either part, but still friends. James and I had gone to a Centered Singles event and while there I met Kenneth. Kenneth said something about going out on a photo trip together as he’s also a photographer. But I didn’t give him my contact info as I thought we would see each other again at other events. Kenneth had said his only way to reach me was through James. Was thinking of asking James to pass on my email and let Kenneth know where I was and am homesick and would like to talk with people from home. The other person is a photographer friend of James’. James and Debbie and I went out for dinner just before I left and James was showing me many of Scott’s (I think his name is Scott) photos. Deb asked James why he hadn’t introduced me to Scott yet. James said he would, but now I’m not getting home to see anyone. Thought it might be someone else to talk photography with.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Colorado! So Cool! What part of CO? I lived in SW WY for 11 years and worked quite a bit in central CO around Rifle, Grand Junction, Glenwood Springs. LOVE the area. Familiar with Denver, CO Springs. Lucky you!

My stepper did come in, so I have a way of getting indoor exercise. Its a beautiful day, so I think I’ll drive out to the Mississippi River levee. I can park at the bottom of the levee and go walk on top. Tomorrow I’m going to site. Its ok as there won’t be many people there. Haven’t been able to talk any of my friends (more like acquaintances than friends) from home to Skype, so I’m disappointed there. Contemplating asking one of my friends there to give my email to a couple of his friends and ask them to write me. Is that too forward or too desperate? This weekend I’ll go back to Blackwater unless its raining. I’ve got a couple new recipes to try. I’ve thought about taking up tole painting again, but I don’t have the money, nor do I have the space and facilities. I’ve not received one penny of expenses yet, so no reimbursement for mobilization costs, no per diem for living costs here – and that’s been since the middle of Feb. I’m getting pretty frustrated!!!! I’ve talked and talked and talked and everyone treats it like a hot potato and nothing gets done. If I don’t hear anything tomorrow I’ll contact both my bosses again and another person on the project who was able to help others get their expenses. I’m grumpy and frustrated!!! I also walk laps around our pond. The complex has extended the closure of the common areas including exercise room, pool and hot tub till end of April now. :(. Hopefully they’ll let us start going out to site more again come the 13th. We’ll see. Even going to site half time would help. I’ll order more photos to go on my walls when I get my expense money and also buy a whole bunch of potted plants to put out on my deck.

Any other ideas? OurTime has now renewed my subscription for the 3rd time even though I keep turning off the auto payment. I’ve got in my calendar now to make sure its off a week before renewal time again. There is no one on there I’d even be interested in talking with. 🙁

Ok. I’m headed to the levee to work off some frustration. Enjoy your evening and enjoy your next walk/hike a little extra for me!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

I tried to paste a pic in the message but it wouldn’t paste and I don’t see a way to attach a pic, either.

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
(soft smile) I have spent many happy hours in the company of wild horses, as well as mountain sheep. I’ve spent time with grizzly bears and black bears. I’ve sat and watched daddy loons feed their babies and a parent grebe teach its young to fish. I’ve shared special moments with wolves – fleeting moments, but still special. I have many photos of wild horses, moose, mountain sheep, bears. Wildlife photography is my passion – and I’m going absolutely insane here feeling like a caged wolf. I’ll send you a link if you’d like to see some pics. Animals have been my friends more than people and I don’t feel the loneliness near as much when I can be out with wild animals.

Definitely. I’m with you. I’m a mountain girl through and through, although I do occasionally enjoy the ocean. The most awesome places are where there’s both mountains and ocean – like BC and Vancouver Island. I think Scandinavia and New Zealand would be awesome places to visit or maybe even live. 🙂

Glad the news of Mother Nature’s improvements made you smile. At least there is some good coming out of this. I’ve not heard anything more from anyone on Facebook. I guess I don’t know how to use it effectively and I’m feeling more isolated than ever. I’m wondering if and when I’ll ever get home. I try not to think about it.

Are you in TN? For some reason I had that idea. Nice you’re in the mountains!

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thanks, Heidi,
LOL. First of all, I would read all the stories of paralyzed people who have beat it and learned to walk again. Next I would do everything I could to get the best prosthetics out there and do physical therapy all day long. 🙂

Ok, so today I went exploring. There is nothing at Comite River, but I did find Blackwater Nature Conservation area that does have 1-2 miles of trails. I got some so-so pics there. Did see a small heron fly over, so it wasn’t a great blue, but never saw where it went so don’t know what it was. The parks is having a photo event asking for people to upload pics from 4 parks April thru May. I will do that. Blackwater is about half an hour from here. Then I drove on up north to Tunica Hills. Not much there and the campground is closing after this weekend. Would like to explore out to Cat Island, but I’m told there are only a couple hunting cabins there and the road is washed out. There might be another road out there, but not sure. That’s about 2.5 hours from here, so probably won’t go right away.

Loretta from Calgary Christian Singles has started a Facepage group and I did join that. I’m not a big Facebook person at all. Usually I avoid it, but I think I’ll have to change my ways. Just be very, very careful what info I put out there.

I’ve known for quite a while that what I really need to do is disappear for a couple weeks and go crash on a sunny, sandy beach somewhere and just do nothing. Preferably be pampered and have no responsibilities. But that isn’t going to happen, so I just keep on surviving.

BC is saying that the curve has flattened there – or is starting to flatten – and there are fewer new cases. Air pollution is way down in Chicago, New York and Seattle. The canals of Venice are clear enough now to see the bottom. 🙂 Mother Nature desperately needed this breath of fresh air!!!

I can’t wait to get home, though. Jackie’s sending me pics of wild horses. She and her friend were out yesterday and got some nice pics. I’m glad she’s sending them, but I am sooo homesick!

Smiles to you,
Rhonda

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