[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
Thanks. Glad you liked what I wrote. It will probably be tomorrow night before I get it out. Brought work home tonight. Volunteering to help another project get started. It looks like it will turn into full time for me – maybe – and be a job I can work from home in Calgary, so I’m hoping.

I take every Saturday off. It’s my day of rest and day to spend with God. Did my 5-mile hike around LSU lake early Saturday when the sky was still blue. In spite of all the noise of the freeway and major roads still saw a bald eagle and some white ibis. That was special as I’ve never see those before.

I just signed up for Silver Singles. There’s one gentleman out there I really want to meet. Going to go write him tonight. I keep telling myself 3 things

1) I’m a wonderful person that everyone likes
2) I’m a ray of sunshine that spreads cheer and people like to be around
3) I’m a high quality woman that any man would want.

I’ve found that last one particularly really changes my attitude.

Gotta run.
Thanks again. Hope you and your family are staying safe and well and enjoying the evening,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
How does this sound?

The first thing that catches my eye, gentlemen, is your smile and expressive eyes. Honesty and a positive outlook are magnetic. I admire a man strong enough to be gentle and confident enough to accept me for who I am. Open doors for me, surprise me with flowers, hold my hand when we’re out for a walk, help me with the dishes (big teasing grin) and you will win my heart, love, appreciation and respect.

Total different subject……
I sure won’t miss this place! There are several guys around here that use the road beside and behind my apartment as drag strips and roar their engines 9:00, 10:00 at night and even 3:30 in the morning!

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks. I will rewrite those sentences. I’ll run them through you first. Right now my mind is totally dead.

Do I want to stay here for Christmas? Not really, but I’m also pretty loyal to work (been married to my job for the last 20 years). My skills and position are pretty unique and while someone could do the basics of my job, no one knows it like I do or can offer the support I can, so likely to stay as I know people rely on the support I offer. In effect it will give me 3 weeks pay for 1 week. I’m ok with that. I might ask if I an take the 2 weeks at end of March instead of end of January and go home a couple weeks early. Otherwise I might head to Phoenix and get that storage unit emptied. I have to get that done before I go home. My oldest won’t get it done, so I’ll have to do it.

Am I doubting myself when those two guys disappeared? A little, but not nearly as much as I used to. I figured one would go anyway. He never did share his name with me and was pretty private and had never been married. The other, if he left for what I wrote in my last message, he’s pretty shallow. I thought he might come through, but he didn’t. So oh well. Very disappointed in Christian Connection and Christian Cafe. Just not the quality of men out there. I will not continue with either of them.

I had to laugh. I went to LSU Lake today. Did the 5-mile loop. Saw some white ibis for the first time, so that was pretty cool. And there was a bald eagle soaring over the lake. It was probably high 50s and sunny and windy when I started at 10:00. Probably in the mid 60s when I finished just before noon. I’m in gym shorts and tank top. 90% of everyone else was in long pants and sweatshirts. If they were in shorts, they had on long sleeve shirts or sweatshirts. Only saw a couple men with their shirts off today. Too funny.

I need to get my paints out and finish that sign for my dad, but my creative, artistic juices aren’t flowing right now. Tomorrow will be a full day of work. Have a feeling I may be working 55-60 hours for the next few weeks. We’ll see.

Hope you’re enjoying your day. Enjoy a hike for me, please.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
LOL. Love that you covered your patio with lights. I’m sure its beautiful and others appreciate it, too.

So how would you reword those couple sentences. And the two men I was talking with went silent. 🙁 That happens a lot. Write 3 or 4 times then they disappear. 🙁

Oh, sigh, boss came around today and wanted to know if we could stay and work the holidays. Project is pushing hard to complete a milestone before the end of the year. Payoff is 2 weeks off paid end of January. I told him I would stay if needed. So looks like I won’t make it to Phoenix, either. 🙁
.
Being courteous….. opening doors, helping with chores around the house, asking what I’d like to do. Doing things with me that I enjoy. Being positive and soft-spoken and not easily upset. Ok. That might not be part of being courteous. Example: One of my co-workers followed me out of the apartment complex this morning and followed me all the way to work (25 miles) and he stayed backed off a distance from me because he has those really white, bright lights. That’s being courteous.

Thoughtful…. does he listen when I talk? Does he interrupt and talk over the top of me (not thoughtful). Does he offer to cook dinner when I’m tired.

Cherished and treasured…. does he compliment me? Does he let me know how special I am to him. Is he affectionate?

I don’t know. Its one of those things that I can’t explain, but I’ll know it when I get it.

Hope you have an awesome weekend. Looks like I’ll be working most of the day Sunday. Crunch time. Plus I’m helping our global tech person with another project. Busy, busy busy.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
Yes, it is Christmas time. And does it ever feel WEIRD! Its in the 60s and 70s here with high humidity and does not feel like Christmas at all! Too funny. I was in Walmart a couple weeks ago. 75 out and they were playing Winter Wonderland. ??? Just didn’t fit.

I don’t remember exactly what I had before, but I shortened the first paragraph by about half and added the 2nd in the “What I’m looking for” section

“The first thing that catches my eye, gentlemen, is your smile and expressive eyes. Honesty, thoughtfulness and courtesy are traits I value. Cherish and treasure me and I will respect and appreciate you in return.

P.S. Shhhhh. I’ll share a little secret…. I lean towards the old-fashioned side and really appreciate a man who takes the lead. (playfully) So I dare ya…. Take the risk and send me a note. You never know where it might lead. :)”

My first section about me reads

Hi. Welcome.

My life is an adventure. (soft laugh) Uh….. let me rephrase that….. My life is an example of how God leads, guides and cares. God’s given me a successful career and kept me in work through several economic downturns so I’ve had the resources to support my two boys and get them through college. They are on their own now, so I have time to socialize and enjoy things like volunteering, hiking, kayaking and traveling.

People often call me Sunshine, and I do enjoy life and try to spread happiness. I love my job and weekends usually find me on an adventure, wandering anywhere from Waterton to Jasper to Radium and beyond to go hiking, kayaking or snowshoeing. My camera is always with me as wildlife photography is my passion.

Have been hearing daily from a three gentlemen for the last several days. I try to keep my replies relatively short and not ask too many questions. We’ll see. Particularly interested in two of them. Although, one, I have to laugh, seems to be pretty private. He hasn’t shared his name yet, so tonight it was Hi, Good-lookin’….

Yes, nice to get back into painting. I bought 2 log slabs so still have one I can paint something else on, but that will probably wait till after Christmas.

Hope you’re looking forward to a wonderful holiday and stay well.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,

I thought you might get a laugh out of that. I was going crazy after sitting in the house for 3 days. Wanted to bring a little Christmas to the apartment. Put up stockings by everyone’s door, poinsettia tablecloths in the kitchen and lights along the top frame of the cubicles in the center of the trailer. (It’s a 9-plex 9 trailers side by side with the sides gone so its all open) Waited till almost everyone was gone so there were only 3 people who saw me do it and one doesn’t have a clue who I am. Kind of fun.

The sign I had actually done many years ago. They put it outside and the finish on it all cracked. My dad wanted me to fix it, but the finish was too hard to sand off, so repainted it on a round log slab as I couldn’t get the cut piece any more. Yes, it was fun to get back to painting again.

Ha, so I changed a couple sentences and all of a sudden got 5 messages. One is a definite No, but we’ll be friends. He’s totally ok with being just friends and agrees a serious relationship wouldn’t work. He’s “spiritual/agnostic” and very liberal. A couple others are possibilities. We’ll see. Sent some replies tonight. Hopefully will get some answers.

Haven’t heard at all from Ross, the project manager I messaged on LinkedIn. That’s strange as he’s usually good at responding. Oh well.

And again, thanks for all the positive encouragement. Really helps.

Hope you’re staying safe and well,
Rhonda

P.S. Now that I got all the mess cleaned up, I really do like my little snowman tree. He’s so cute.

[Rhonda R]

NEWS FLASH!!!! NEWS FLASH!!!! NEWS FLASH!!!!

Heavily flocked trees look very beautiful, but they are also a big mess!

Just thought you should know. And in spite of the mess, the little snowman tree from Walmart is so cute and perfect for a small apartment!

Ok. Ok. I’m losing it, yes, I know. Three days of solitary confinement cost me my sanity as is evidenced by the amount of money I just spent – got 4 sweatshirts for $51. A 5-star $289 treadmill for $150 plus Christmas stuff. Probably spent $65 on Christmas decorations for me, and Santa is visiting our work trailer tomorrow night with lights to go around the interior cubicles, Christmas tablecloths for the kitchen and a stocking for every office/cubicle. Stockings will be empty as Santa ran out of money. 🙁

It has rained and been at 98/99% humidity for the last 4 days. Did not leave the apartment for 3 days. I lost my sanity. But I did get my dad’s welcome sign almost done. Have a few touchups to do and then apply the finish. Its an 18″ log slab that I painted a pic of a coon, deer, rabbit peaking over a log backed by bushes. Considering its not an easy piece to paint and I haven’t painted in over 15 years, I think it turned out ok. It says Welcome on the log. Got most of my Christmas shopping done as well.

Getting lots of notices men want to meet me on Zoosk, but few are writing – almost none are writing and the ones I contact 90% give me the silent treatment. Still haven’t cracked that secret. 🙁

Hope you both had a wonderful Thanksgiving,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks for checking in.

LOL. I have no clue if Ross will have anything for me or not. Randy, one of our leads, sent my resume to a project up near Edmonton over a week ago. I’ve heard nothing. We’ll see. But I am very happy to see Alberta start to bring in other projects and industries besides oil and gas. They’ve been hit very hard as they didn’t diversify. They sunk all their eggs into oil and gas. It would be super exciting to be on an alternative energy project. We’ll see what God has planned.

Robin? He was really already gone. For 2-3 weeks before I emailed him he was texting me every night that he was busy. So we had only talked maybe once a week and it was pretty negative. He was getting more and more negative to where I wasn’t enjoying talking with him any more. Its strange. I’ve had very, very few feelings of rejection. For some reason it felt more to me like he was struggling with himself rather than rejecting me. He did keep telling me I was the most important person in the world to him, even though he was finding excuses not to talk. Not too upset about all of this as I was really questioning whether I wanted to continue or not.

So for now I’ll just continue to work on changing my paradigm. Talked a little with a couple men from Zoosk. Nothing of any interest yet.

Shopping? I do calendars and a picture book of my photos, so need to get those ordered. My youngest did a list out on Amazon for me. He’s such a good kid. I bought him a new phone and a new laptop this year and he told me I had done more than enough and he didn’t expect much for Christmas. But that’s probably about it, just the photo projects from Shutterfly.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Just found this interesting article
https://news.yahoo.com/deal-life-long-term-isolation-203150546.html?.tsrc=daily_mail&uh_test=2_15

[Rhonda R]

Good morning, Kanya,
Glad you were able to have an outdoor Thanksgiving. Like the original. 🙂 Hope you enjoyed it.

I remembered later, I have Norten’s VPN on here and that may have been causing the problem with Christian Mingle. I had to turn it off to get on another site. Once I was in I could turn it back on. I may try again later with the VPN off. Last I looked, though, there was no one I’d be interested in. Many of them the same ones that were there years ago.

Weather here is horrible. Cloudy yesterday and very humid. Woke up to fog this morning. Yuck. I’m trying to get a welcome sign painted for my dad for Christmas so will work on that today. It has a coon, deer and rabbit peering over a log. Did find Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on youtube last night. I’ve got to hand it to New York, Macy’s and Verizon. They did a very good job.

Looks like US will role out a vaccine in December. Looks pretty promising. So I’m hopeful. Also saw a post on LinkedIn yesterday from a former boss who is now the Senior Project Lead for Atco (power company in Alberta). They just finished a large solar project up north and have several other renewable energy projects starting in Alberta. Yeah. I’m excited. Ross is one of the huge reasons I am where I am, so messaged him as asked if he had any positions coming up next spring.

Ha Ha. Happy Black Friday! You shopping today? All my shopping will be on line, but need to get at it.

Enjoy!
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Well, that’s interesting. I tried to get into Christian Mingle, but apparently they have blocked me. I can’t get in, it won’t reset my password and I can’t register as a new account. ?????? There’s no phone number to call them. I’m not impressed. Quite honestly, not impressed at all with any of the Christian dating sites.

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Kanya,
Happy Thanksgiving!! Hope you and your family will enjoy the holiday.

Yeah, COVID is really wreaking havoc with people this year. Quite honesty, my personal opinion is it wouldn’t have been near as bad had the US and Canadian leaders handled it differently. Not impressed at all. And people refusing to wear masks are only making things far worse for everyone else. I’ve seen at least one and maybe two vaccines should be out in December, so hopefully that will help and things will start getting better. I saw an article a few weeks ago that there’s also a nasal spray that blocks COVID from entering the body. Sure hope they develop that one more.

I have not watched The Secret. I will look it up. I do need to go watch more of Bob Proctor and there are a few others that talk about the law of attraction.

Robin is totally gone. He’s not answering texts or emails any more. I rather figure this was where it was going anyway. He really pulled away when things started getting rough and had told me that was how it was going to be. Yes, he buries himself in his work and gives it 100%. Oh well.

Looks like I’ll be in Louisiana till end of March. I thank God for my work and my job. He has always provided for me and I have always had work, even through all the downturns in the industry. I am so grateful! Can’t wait to get home, though!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Well, just changed all my Christmas plans. Will be going to Phoenix instead of home. (sniff, sniff) United cancelled my flight, Worley made it a big hassle and we have to get special permission and jump through several hoops if we want the trip refunded (part of our contract they pay for monthly trips home) and Canada has lots of restrictions, so I just said forget it. I’ll fly one-way to Phoenix on the 24th, clean out my storage unit Sunday and Monday then drive back Tuesday and Wednesday. Want to bring a few things back to take home to Canada.

Also just found out we are being extended until end of March. Some of us will leave earlier, but my guess is I’ll be there till close to the end as that database is one of the last things to turn over.

That story with my dad was pretty typical. That’s just the way I grew up. But I felt really good at that point that I could pull myself out and see it from a 3rd party perspective and understand what was going on. But yeah, very typical. That was better than my mom constantly putting me down and telling me how horrible I was. I do try to repeat those positive beliefs every night several times before I go to bed and also when I wake up in the morning. I find that does affect my outlook. I’ll keep it up and drill some new beliefs into me!

Ha. Went back out on Zoosk, Christian Connection and Christian cafe. Got emails on Christian Cafe from a 29-year-old black guy in Africa and a wink from a 58-year-old French man. Nothing else. The couple emails I sent, 1 wasn’t answered and 2 weren’t read. Pretty disappointed. Christian Connection is worse. No one out there I’d even write to. Zoosk, got a couple emails from someone I was interested in, but he disappeared. But Heidi, some of these guys I just don’t believe. Unshaven, scraggly hair, scowls. Some of them just make me shudder. Yikes. I wrote my profile as a short,… day-in-my-life. I was supposed to meet Dean for a walk when I went home, but that won’t happen now. Dean was a leader for a meetup group I often went for walks with. Really nice man. Has all kinds of women chasing him, but he’s not dating anyone that I’m aware of and said he was looking forward to meeting again. Guess that will have to wait till I get home in the spring. 🙁

Three new COVID cases at work. 2 in our office trailer. I feel bad for those guys. No family Thanksgiving for them and now some of the others aren’t going home as they don’t want to risk spreading it. Hopefully no more cases before Christmas!

Gotta run,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Heidi, (laughing) Help, Help! There’s something definitely wrong with me! I went up to LSU Lake today. Added a bit to my loop, so was probably closer to 5 miles. Physically good for me, emotionally made me realize how homesick I am. Depressing that way. I did break down in a few tears. But LSU Lake is right on the LSU campus and a very nice paved path all around the lake so lots of college kids jogging. These young college guys go jogging by in nothing but a pair of shorts. Shoulders rippling with muscle and abs sporting a 6-pack. Skin shiny from sweat. Especially one or two of the black guys go loping by making it look so easy. And I’m just losing it and my tongue is hanging out and I’m just going Ooooooo, la, la and start panting. What is WRONG WITH ME!??? 63 and these 20-year old college guys are turning my head. Something wrong with that pic. But I can look, right? Some pretty yummy eye candy. And I am totally laughing at myself. What is WRONG with me?!! LOL.

Ok, time to settle down. I’ve got to get back to painting that welcome sign for my dad or it will never get done in time for Christmas.

Hope you enjoyed your mountains today. I am SOOOOOOOO homesick and really feeling off balance and out of place and I’m not myself here. Very, very few understand my connection with the land, my environment and the mountains. Just not myself unless I’m in my loved mountains.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Yes, what you said makes a lot of sense. I was just watching a video by Joe Dispenza. LOL. One of the first things I have to deal with is the subconscious belief that some of these self-help ideas are not Christian – the belief that it’s only God who can change the mind. God made phenomenal minds and why would it not be honoring Him to use them to become the best person we can be? I will go look up some of those people. One thing I read last night that you have said is one way to change the subconscious is to repeat things over and over and over. So I’ve been repeating what you said —- it’s safe to love. I am more than this confusion. I am a wonderful person that everyone loves. I am a ray of sunshine. But its interesting when I tell myself I am more than this confusion. That takes the confusion and puts it outside of me as a separate, temporary “thing”. Once its not part of me, then I can deal with it. I remember one time when my dad was not listening to me at all. Just not listening. Our family was totally dysfunctional and played the game of “say what you’re supposed to, not what you feel or believe.” My boyfriend and I were visiting my parents and my dad said there was a historical village near by and an animal rescue facility and asked were everyone wanted to go. The expected “what you’re supposed to say” reply was, “I don’t care. Where do you want to go?” I didn’t say that. I said I wanted to go to the historical village. My dad asked 3 times and I replied with the same answer 3 times. He asked a 4th time and my boyfriend replied, I think Rhonda has said she wants to go to the historical village. A few minutes later my dad said, “Well, since no one has said where they want to go, we’ll go to the animal rescue facility.” I laughed. It was closed when we got there. But what hit me, was (by that time I had read several self help books and had a couple counseling sessions) I was able to pull myself out of that situation and watch it from a 3rd party onlooker view point. Being able to have that perspective of a 3rd party onlooker kept me from reacting to the emotions of not being heard. I could see the games that were being played and not react to them.

I realize am still trying to “convince” men I’m a good catch. That’s one place I really need to work on. My mom drilled in to me I would never find a good man that I was not a good catch. She also, oh, how do I explain this…… the focus was ALWAYS on me being the right kind of woman and giving to the man and never on what I should expect from a relationship and helping me find a man who would treat me well. The focus was always on how I should treat a man and never on how I should be treated. Always on what I should give and never on what I should receive. I think I may also be dealing with a little of the belief that I can control how others treat me by the way I act and treat them. Yikes! Totally dangerous and unhealthy belief. Ok, so as a starter, I can keep telling myself “Its safe to love and be happy. I’m a ray of sunshine, I have a lot to offer and I am a good catch.” And I can imagine myself in social situations where I am confident and radiate a warm, positive energy. I know the mind doesn’t differentiate between the imagined and reality, so if I keep telling myself those things (repetition builds habits, builds beliefs, builds attitudes) and imagining those scenarios, I can start actually living those things.

Here’s something that’s out of alignment. I desperately want to get out today, but I look out and the sky is whitish/greyish. I think of all the places I could go and I cringe. I’ve had respiratory issues ever since I got here in Feb. My car also has a lot of miles on it and its got to get me home, so hesitate to put any more miles on it than necessary. I really feel totally out of place in Louisiana. I am so connected to the land and environment I am just not myself when I’m not in my mountains. I ask myself if those are just excuses, but Heidi, every place I think about going I just cringe. I have no motivation or desire to go anywhere around here.

Hey, question…. and totally changing the subject….. I messaged a female friend yesterday on FB and asked how she was. She said God was cleansing her and what a wonderful Savior we have. I agreed with her then asked if she was staying healthy and still working. She never responded. Even though she was sending me positive words, I immediately sensed struggles and desperation. Why? Is that just me?

To answer your question about Robin, I’m ok with texting him. No, I don’t know that sadness is dominant any more. I do still feel a little sad, but not as much as I was. I’m also thinking this was where it was going anyway. He was really pulling away and telling me it was going to stay that way, so in his own way, I think he was saying we needed to back off. So I’m ok. Time to move on. I learned and grew from it and be grateful for the experience. He may stay friends and he may not. We’ll see.

Smiles,
Rhonda

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