[Rhonda R]

Hi,
I don’t know why, but I feel “paralyzed” when in Ontario. I noticed it coming back from this last home trip. By the time I landed in Ontario and got in my car I felt totally different. Paralyzed. Shut down. Dreading work. Even to do every day things like dishes and on-line grocery shopping is tough. Trying to talk to people or think of things to do is hard. Don’t know why. 🙁

Party night for the neighbors again. 🙁

Have a SUPER weekend!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
First….. how are you doing? When is your surgery, or have you had it already?

Those are tough questions to answer. I don’t know. I THINK like I started to control the conversation. Instead of asking questions about his knowledge, started sharing mine and instead of asking suggestions from him, started giving suggestions. I realized it and tried to change how I responded and did ask a couple questions. I do not view myself as a controlling person, at least not controlling other people. I do like to be in control of my tasks at work and I had to be in control of the household for over 20 years, so some of it may be habit. I have no idea where I wasn’t feeling safe. I really don’t know where it came from but did recognize it. I was very much afraid of my mother. But I don’t know why that would have any bearing on the conversation Wednesday with Barry. I was also petrified of my ex. He would beat me up verbally for things I did, even if they weren’t wrong. So with both I strove to be “perfect” to minimize the punishment. Not sure if that had any bearing on it or not. Maybe it was the “rescuer” syndrome, wanting to give more than receive. No clue. I’ve been reading that men love it when a woman makes him feel like a real man, makes him want to protect her. I don’t have the foggiest clue how to do that. Would like to, but don’t know how.

I’ve been doing better, though, I think. Barry stopped by my desk yesterday morning and talked for 5-10 min. I gave him my full attention and listened and asked questions. LOL. This morning he came by again, but Hugo was there. Hugo’s desk is face to face with mine. Hugo immediately started talking punchlist (he’s the punchlist coordinator as well as other things and a very male chauvinistic, dominant, alpha male). Barry told him he had just come by to say good morning and got started talking bikes. Hugo dominated the conversation so Barry engaged with him, but he made quite a lot of eye contact with me. I just listened and smiled. Asked a couple questions when I could. Barry left when Dan P came in to ask me about some binders that just came in. I’ve given Barry several opportunities to ask me out, but he hasn’t yet.

Liam (young kid I used to sit next to) wanted to see the horse pics I got last weekend so sent him a few. He thought they were great. He sits right next to the printer and we got to talking since I was doing quite a bit of printing and had to stand there and wait for it. Don’t know how the conversation went, but ended up I’m to text him this weekend and go over to his place so he can help me fix my kayaking paddle (it’s a 3-part paddle and one of the buttons that clips the two parts together fell out and down into the shaft) and rotate the whiles on my roller blades. He’s too young and drinks too much for me, but nice kid.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi,
Hope you both had a wonderful weekend. It was a long holiday weekend here in Canada so I made a fast and furious trip home. LOL. In spite of hurt arm and ribs out of place I still kayaked 9 k on Glenmore Reservoir with a friend Friday, kayaked 18 k (9 upstream and 9 downstream) on the Bow in Banff with a meetup event. Only two of us and the guy that planned it is a real dingbat. From India. Couldn’t hardly understand him. He told me to bring bear spray??? Some hikers on the walk next to the river had turned around and headed back because they had seen a griz so this guy pulls up close to the shore, blows his whistle as loud as he can and starts yelling. They later he says, Oh, we might see a bear or elk? And he’s singing noisily while paddling and when he pulls up to the shore he blows his whistle and starts yelling. And he thinks we’ll see something???????? Maybe IN nature, but definitely not a part of it. Sunday hit the dirt roads for an all day trip looking for wild horses. Found one small group – two adults and a foal. No pics to write home about, but it was still fun. Flew out Monday morning.

So I learned something about myself today. Something I need to change. So Barry joined the project a couple weeks ago. He’s another alumni from the R3 project a couple years ago. We had talked a bit then, but if I remember correctly he was still trying to work things out with his wife/girlfriend. So I got to talking with him last week. He said he’d sold his camper as he didn’t want to go camping alone and if he found someone to go with he’d buy another one. Took it from that, things didn’t work out. He seemed quite friendly. We talked about places around here. He does a lot of walking and talked about walking along the river. So I mentioned if he ever wanted company to let me know. He said he was moving to a town about 15 min south of here and it wasn’t too much of a drive to come up as there’s parking along the river. Then the next couple days it seemed like he was ignoring me. I just let it slide. Smiled and said Hi when I’d see him. So this morning we was coming down the hall when I walked in. I said Hi then stopped and asked about his weekend. He was quite friendly again. He talked about some places he had walked. So I asked him to show me some of the (in town) paths he took. He said he’d come by later and show me. Sure enough, he did. So we started talking places to walk around here again. And that’s when I noticed I tightened up. I can’t totally describe it. It was almost like I felt like I had to have all the answers and know all the places to go. Not really trying to control the situation but maybe a little bit? Again, not sure how to describe it, but I realized I wasn’t letting him lead totally and wasn’t let him be the one to show me. Maybe a little bit of the “helper” syndrome? Like I had to be the “helper”. Perhaps that the “independent” thing that I’ve been accused of. I think I didn’t blow it totally as I did ask him about places he had explored and shared some I had explored, but realized I wasn’t letting him be the “hero” for that moment. Not quite sure where that feeling came from. Not quite sure if he felt it, but guessing he may have subconsciously felt it. I think I’ll wait a couple days and ask about the National Park he mentioned that’s about 4 hours north of here and ask if he’s looked up any more information about it and mention I think it would be fun to explore the area. He’s supposed to be interfacing between our coordinators and the contractors so I think I’ll ask him about some reporting things I’m struggling with and see if he has information that could help me with it. Any suggestions how to get over that need to control a situation? I totally appreciate a man holding a door for me, bring me flowers (which never happens) or gives me a compliment, but realized today I wasn’t letting him be the person to know something and share it and “help” me. Really need to work on that. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Spyce,
Thank you. 🙂 I had an article published in a church international paper when I was in college. Other than that, no. LOL. Thanks. Glad you liked that little vision. That would be a dream date for me. I could think of other dream dates, too, but that will work.

Where in AZ is your half-sister? My boys lived in Prescott for 5 years and in Phoenix till this year. My oldest and his wife are moving to Rochester, NY end of this month. I think they’re in for – or she’s in – for a rude awakening as she grew up in Phoenix. We’ve lived in MT, ND, WY so the boys are used to the cold but not the humidity.

Where are you on the West Coast? I went to college in central CA and lived in eastern WA for a long time. Got over to the Seattle area several times. I don’t mind the cold. A sunny day -10 C and 20 cm new snow and I’m a happy camper. 🙂 Awesome for snow shoeing. But I hate the humidity that I deal with here. Something’s giving me regular sinus headaches which often end up making me dizzy. This place has been really bad for that.

I did give Garfield a quick message and he responded the next evening. I wrote back but he didn’t respond tonight. Did go in and look at my profile again. He keeps looking at my profile. ????

Had a old gentleman in a wheel chair stop me on the sidewalk last night and wanted to talk and talk. Asked me out for coffee. I felt bad for him but also felt like he was latching on. Once I started talking with him I couldn’t get away.

Heading home this weekend. Can’t wait! Hopefully my arm will be better by the time I get home. I was out rollerblading last night. Have to cross a RR track to get to the paved path where I skate. Did fine till coming back. Just getting of the RR bed I went down and landed on my arm. I think I sprained my elbow or really strained my muscles as it really hurts to bend my arm all the way. Have some movement but like to put my hand to my face hurts. Doing a little better tonight. Ha Ha. I just refuse to grow up!

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Heidi,
You asked for journal entries. Here are a couple – one a date scenario, the other a start at a work day.

2021-07-25

Its our first date. The sun is shining, its 24° C and a slight breeze. I’m meeting Rusty at South Glenmore at 3 pm for some kayaking. He is already there and ready to go. We greet with a smile and share a quick hug. He helps me unload my kayak and take my gear to the shore then watches it while I go park my car. As we set off he does a quick safety check with me. Paddling close together we talk about kayaking and get to know each other. The day is gorgeous and we comment on the shore birds and waterfowl on the lake. Eagles fly overhead as we approach the west end of the lake and guide our boats into the Weaselhead area. The water is high so the current isn’t too strong and we easily make it under the walking bridge crossing the Elbow River where it feeds the Glenmore Reservoir. With the water high, we slowly glide into the backwater channel under a beautiful wooden path bridge to the left of the Elbow River bridge. The channel is quiet and calm and lined on both sides with forest. A beaver swims effortlessly in front of us and climbs out on the bank to clean itself. Jays and chickadees serenade us. A deer comes down to the bank and drinks a little ways in front of us. Rusty is as much in tune with his surroundings as I am and we share that love and connection with nature. I can tell he’s enjoying the time by his quiet smile and soft tones as he speaks. Since we have to be off the water by dark, we head back. We spot more beaver sliding through the water as we head back down the river and back into the boat launch. The sunset has turned the sky a soft beautiful pinkish orange and tinted the clouds a golden pink. The lake reflects and doubles the colors.

When we get back to the dock he is the perfect gentleman he was when I arrived, helping me load up the kayak and gear. He is very competent and strong and skilled at loading up his kayak and gear, but I do carry some of his gear to his car for him. He wraps me up in his strong arms as we say good-bye and whispers softly he enjoyed the time and will call me tomorrow.

2021-07-26
Its a Monday morning. I wake with the alarm and breeze through my exercises feeling strong and balanced. I say a Thank you prayer as I’m enjoying my warm shower, realizing not everyone is that blessed to have a shower. The sky is clear and light but the sun isn’t quite up as I walk the two blocks to the car. The white dome building across the river is a soft pink in the morning light and the gulls call a good morning to me. As I head the car south to work I notice all the other drivers on the road are patient this morning. No one flies past me doing 30 k over the speed limit and no one cuts in front of me being in a hurry to get there first.

And this is where my brain goes dead and I blank out

Thanks,
Rhonda

I’m off to print off my PR renewal application and get it sent in. I’ve done many prayers that I filled it out correctly.

[Rhonda R]

So here’s something I’d like to master

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Yes, the depression is a shifting thing. Definitely affected by my location and how much sleep I get. I struggle with depression far more when I’m in the east than when I’m home in Calgary or even visiting my son in AZ (and now he’s moving to Rochester, NY) so I’m losing my connection with AZ. 🙁 It’s also directly affected by how tired I am and how much sleep I get. I’d say those are the two most influencing factors. Work environment also affects my emotional state. Here all three factors are bad so I think I’m struggling here more than I have in a long time. I was about as bad in Ohio (three years ago). Louisiana the work environment was good, so that helped. The year I was home, the work environment was bad, but I was home with friends and the mountains, so again, did ok. But here the location is bad, work environment is really bad, and I’m not sleeping. This is a noisy apartment with often noise till late at night just from its location. I might try to move, but there’s really no decent place to rent around here. So I really need to get home.

LOL. Think our messages passed each other. So do you still think I should contact Garfield Sunday? I really would like to see that relationship work.

Thanks,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,

I’m really sorry to hear you have to go into surgery. I will be holding a vision of positivity for you and saying some prayers for you for a quick recovery. Please let me know how it goes. Are you going into Denver for the surgery? Do you have someone to help you with things around the house once you’re out?

I’m pretty sure I’ll never hear from Garfield again. Last message he had asked how my week had gone. I mentioned I was working out of town and was counting down the 9 days till I get home. No response. He looked at my profile a day ago and did not respond (after signing his last message with hugs and telling me his dream adventure was to kayak a river with me and stop somewhere to watch the stars come out). Am I wrong in this, but when a man automatically turns his back on me because I’m temporarily working out of town I get the message he’s easy-come-easy-go, shallow and not willing to put much effort into a relationship. I also hear they are more interested in convenience than quality. Didn’t even bother to ask what I was doing and how long the project would be. Very depressing, but again, seeing its useless to try to date until I get home. (sigh)

So now about your idea. I agree, these guys desperately need help. Friday morning was jaw-dropping. I asked Dan G, our electrical coordinator if he knew who was installing the fire and gas detection. I got a 5 min lecture on how he didn’t know and I should ask someone else (even though he’s working with the electrical discipline and should know). He warned me I couldn’t assume anything on this project and went on and on about how horrible things are on this project. Then turned around and said if I needed help to figure it out to let me know. ??????? A little later I asked if he walked down the fire and gas in the substations when he walked the buildings with Eptcon. He said, Yes. ?????? So there’s the answer. No need at all for all that long lecture on how confusing the project is. ????????? There’s some kind of problem with one or two of the street lights and they’re trying to get the streetlights turned over from construction to commissioning so they can use them. Apparently Andrew sent out an email to Dan G and Dan P, the coordinator who’s been working with the street light contractor, and it really set Dan G off. I didn’t see the email, but Dan G went on and on and on about how Andrew had thrown them under the bus and how he’s on his own on this project. No one has his back. Dan G and Dan P were called to a meeting to talk about it and Dan G was going on how he was going to let everyone know how he felt. Apparently the email wasn’t that bad as Dan P responded to Dan G that he didn’t feel he’d been thrown under the bus. Dan G is super high strung, talks very fast, is a major drama queen. Everything is just horrible and everyone is against him. ??????? Even Dan P, who is probably the most positive of the guys came in Friday morning and greeted everyone with a laughing, “Bad Morning”. Yea, its pretty bad here. And its not just our team. This attitude and negativity is rampant through the whole project. I’ve never seen a project this bad. I’d say its worse than the Husky project in Ohio and that one was extremely bad. Well, maybe they’re about equal with this one being slightly worse. Unbelievable.

So I can write my vision down. That would be a very good exercise for me. I’m not sure who you’re talking about when you say “support team”. I don’t have one. I can post it here, but there’s no one else I’d feel comfortable sharing it with. I can try to come up with a compliment for everyone I work with every day or some kind of positive statement.

Today is cloudy, windy and very wet. It was pouring earlier today. I found some virtual running mountain trails on youtube so got on the treadmill for a 50 min mountain trail walk. Wasn’t like the real thing, but did help.

Tomorrow assemble everything for my PR renewal and plan to get it in the mail Monday evening. Then turn my focus on job hunting at home. I’ve signed up for a Fire(-less) In the Park for next Friday when I’m home. Fire ban in Calgary now, but it will still be fun. And my friend, Debbie, isn’t going camping so I’ll maybe get to do some kayaking with her and do want to get out to see the wild horses at Mt Aire Lodge. So it will be a good weekend.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Will answer this more later. We get off early Friday afternoons. First on the agenda – a nap. Sister’s birthday yesterday so was trying to talk with her. She has problems with her phone so didn’t get off there till after 9:30. Then around 10ish fireworks started going off. ????? Don’t know what else they could have been, but they kept up till 10:30ish – another short night of sleep. No clue why there would be fireworks on a Thursday night.

Yes, Garfield is the gentleman we’ve talked about. Do hope to hear from him again in a couple days. He said he was playing golf and pool with his son in the evenings, so I’m thinking maybe of waiting till Sunday (if I don’t hear from him before then) and then sending a message…. Hi, (something.. something) I’m all ears to hear who one the golf games – you or your son. What was your best shot? How about the pool games? Who one those? What was your son’s most exciting shot? I’ve had a good week. Got out the roller blades. That’s always fun. …. finish message.

But like I said, its nap time then I really have to focus on getting my permanent residency application all pulled together and ready to go. Want to have it in the mail by Monday evening at the very latest.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Good evening, Heidi,
I’m doing better tonight. Yes, I know what’s bringing it on. Part of the problem is I’m not sleeping well. 14 hours between 3 nights. Not enough. Did get a little more sleep last night. Plus (you’re going to laugh at this), I popped a couple ribs out of joint a couple weeks ago. While its better, I’m still hurting and stiff. A few nights painful enough I wasn’t sleeping. Hee Hee. I said you’d laugh — I was doing a headstand as part of my morning exercises. First two days I tried I didn’t make it all the way up, but the third day I did. Nice straight form, toes pointed. Feeling good – till I started to come down and felt a pop in my chest. Chest doesn’t hurt, but my back does. Can’t get in to see my chiropractor till Sept. Ha Ha. That’s what I get for thinking I’m still 18! Got out the roller blades tonight after work. That always feels good. I’m not very good, but getting a little more comfortable with it.

It does really tear me down to be so isolated. All I do is go to work and come back to the apartment. Nothing to do, no where to go and no one to do it with. I do try to get out for a walk for a skate sometimes in the evening, but it just isn’t the same. I don’t get the same energy from the land here. I did get the inflatable in the water Saturday, but again, it wasn’t the same at all. I also stopped by the humane society to see about volunteering. They said there were only a few tasks they could let volunteers do and she didn’t tell me what they were then told me I had to go apply on line. Its really gotten to be a hassle to even volunteer any more.

I always hang on to compliments at work. My immediate boss isn’t fun to work for at all. No one respects him and he doesn’t listen, doesn’t know what he’s doing and often criticizes. Changes his mind on what he wants every day so impossible to know what he wants. I don’t feel safe with him at all as I’ve been in this situation before and I often don’t last long. Boss finds a way to get rid of me. Also, most of my team members have a more negative outlook. One guy is a total drama queen. Everything is horrible. Another seems like he’s in a battle with the contractors. Always gripes about how they’re trying to get out of everything and won’t do their job. OMG, Heidi, I went on a walk-down with him. We got over to where we were meeting up to start the walk and he just lit into the contractor before we even got started on how they hadn’t prepared and delivered the walkdown package properly and on and on. I wanted to go hide. There’s a lot of negative energy on this project. I’ve never seen one so unorganized and managed so terribly inefficiently. I’m not using my skills hardly at all. Bored to death. So when I do get a compliment, I hang on to it. I don’t think my immediate boss appreciates me all that much. Others do, but I don’t think he does.

So between a really bad project and a lot of negative energy and boredom there, hating the area and being socially isolated, I do struggle. I receive an energy from the mountains. Even when I’m hiking in Fish Creek and the Weaselhead (natural areas in Calgary) or out on Glenmore in my kayak, I receive an energy from my surroundings. I don’t get that here at all. I’m ok if I can sleep, but if I’m short on sleep, I really fight depression. I really do need to get home.

Heard from Garfield again last night. He’s a sweetheart. I’d be very happy if he stayed around. Nothing tonight, but I didn’t expect it. His son is visiting from the States so I’m not expecting to hear for several days.

Hope you’re enjoying your evening. Is it hot and dry there? Are there fires around there?

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks for the suggestions on how to respond. Those compliments on how he treats a woman and how active he is came from reading his profile. Yes, I was accepting his word for it, and maybe I should have waited till I had a chance to experience some time with him, but he described both those in his profile and that’s why I complimented him in those areas. I didn’t grab that out of just thin air – although I know I didn’t give you that background. I do like to give people compliments, at work as well as on dating sites. So maybe I do give too many, especially right at first. But like at work – on other projects more than this one – I interact a lot with other people. I often need information or drawings or something from them to get my job done. If they are help me out and take time for me I’ll often say something like, Thank you. You’re wonderful, marvelous and fantabulous! A majority of the time they appreciate it and will often come back that it made the smile. So that’s something I do generally. Maybe I need to curb that a bit on the dating sites.

I haven’t figured out how to put emojis in when I’m messaging on Zoosk. The show up in messages I receive, but I haven’t found how to put the in, so I wrote out the words like I used to do before emojis ever existed. 🙂 If I were writing in a regular email I’d use emojis instead of words, but haven’t figured out how to do it in the Zoosk message box.

I’ve read an article or two on feminine energy. Don’t remember exactly what it said, so maybe need to find it again. Again, very hard to explain how I feel different when I’m in a dress or when a gentleman does something for me. Being in a skirt or dress affects how I move and how I walk and I feel a bit more attractive and usually am more relaxed and kind of leave the responsibilities of the male world behind. When a gentleman does something for me like open doors or helps me with my kayak or lets me go first I feel respected. And yes, I do realize feminine energy is much more than how I dress. Its more of an attitude and outlook than the way I dress.

Thank you for the compliments. Right now I’m really, really struggling with depression. I’m not sleeping well and am exhausted. I should have my pr renewal application sent in early next week then I can start job hunting. Would like to be home by Christmas or at the latest early next spring. I’m back to being a total zombie robot that walks around in a depressed daze and nothing is real and nothing happens. Not sure I even exist. I’m just a thing.

But I did get a compliment at work yesterday. Was talking with Doug about how to track system completion by contract and he brought, Victor, his office partner, into the conversation. I hadn’t met Victor before and really didn’t know who he was. Doug had to take off so I introduced myself to Victor. He says something like, Yeah, I’ve heard how good you are at organizing data and pulling things together and this project is total chaos so we need someone like you. Those weren’t his exact words, but the general meaning. So people at work are talking about me and at least in this instance, it was good. Kind of surprised me.

Trav called me last night…. 10:00 at night. Funny kid. He never calls unless he wants money, but he usually talks about all kinds of other things first. I think I told you he’s living with his brother and his wife right now and they’re moving late August/early September. Trav said they’ve been packing and moving things to storage as they’ve got open house this weekend trying to sell their house. So they are all really busy now. He seemed in a pretty good mood, which was nice to hear.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
LOL. I do like that boyfriend’s comment. Its true. Too anything is relative and viewed differently by different people. So thank you. And with with your example,… it’s not what you say, its how you say it that makes the difference. So I got it.

So what does feminine energy look like? Hmmmmm. I enjoy wearing skirts, maybe casual skirts or dresses. Rarely get to do that as I work out on a construction site usually. But when I can, I’ll wear something more feminine. I’ll smile and say Thank you when a gentleman lets me go first or opens a door for me. At work I try to ask questions when I think something is wrong rather than bluntly state, This is wrong. I guess for me, there’s something feminine about letting go and letting someone else lead and trusting them to do so. I’ve rarely been able to do that. Again, I’m struggling to describe and put into words what I think “feminine” is.

So……. I messaged a very good-looking 56-year old man on Zoosk last week. Used your suggestion and told him,
I’m sure you get lots of complements on how handsome you are. I’m also impressed with your active lifestyle and how you treat women. I think we have lots to share and talk about – too much for now. But I will share that my favorite sweatshirt says, “Underestimate me. That will be fun.” (playful wink)
Lookin’ forward to hearing from you.

He came back with a Thank you and a comment that I looked like an adventuresome woman and a little flirty. LOL I responded, “Who me? Sweet little innocent me flirt with a good-looking, nice man like you? Naw…… wouldn’t drem of it. (playful wink) Then said, Yes, I enjoy adventure. What would be your perfect adventure?

Didn’t hear from him for several days so thought he was gone. He just came back tonight with saying his perfect adventure would be to kayak down the river with me, find a quiet spot on the shore to enjoy a glass of wine and watch the stars. Said he had been helping a friend move all weekend. I really do enjoy that playful banter. It’s rare a man can bring that out in me, but I do really enjoy it. Responded that he earned more brownie points for being kind, thoughtful and generous and I’m sure his friend really appreciated the help as I know moving isn’t fun. I’ve done my share. I asked if he was tired from all the work. Then I said OOOoooooooo (bashful smile) (said softly, playfully with sly wink) I like your idea of an adventure. (blush) May I ask for Welches Sparkling Strawberry Daiquari, though, as I don’t drink – at all. I’ll explain later if you’d like. Then asked how his week was going.

We’ll see if he comes back. I could easily fall for this gentleman. I’m liking him already.
Got another message from another gentleman that looks interesting.

And its my bedtime. Haven’t been sleeping well at all, so very, very tired.
Hope you’re enjoying your evening,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
LOL. You ask such tough questions! LOL. You’re supposed to know what I mean when I say I want to come across as a lady. LOL I haven’t the foggiest clue how to explain it. I’ve been told over and over I’m way too independent and way too forward. I’ve had to be the bread-winner, the head of the house and live and work in what I would call a male role. Had to start work to help pay my own way when I was 14. I wonder sometimes if I interact in more male, dominant ways and it turns men off. I don’t want to be in that role. I supported and took care of both men I was married to. Don’t want that. I want to come across as soft and feminine, confident, but not overbearing. LOL. Need to take some flirting lessons. (big grin)

I do like your idea. That is something I would feel comfortable with. Kind o’ did that with Mike when we were getting off the lake – asked if he ever paddled the Bow and I was looking for someone to go with. He said not usually but he does still have his wave runner river boat. He hasn’t initiated contact. Answered me when I contacted him, but it doesn’t feel to me like he’s interested at all. But I really need to get home first. See if I can’t make that happen by next spring.

Paddled the AuSable alternate channel in the Pinery today. Not like paddling at home and that inflatable sure isn’t like either of my good kayaks, but it was a beautiful day there and it was nice to be on the water.

Hope you are enjoying your day,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Ha Ha Ha. I just got a notification that Mike posted pics on Facebook (Mike is the guy from the paddling mmetup that gave me his email, fb page and phone number) There were already 10 responses in the last few hours and ALL of them were women. I suspect he’s getting lots of female attention and have plenty of women chasing him. Ha Ha Ha

[Rhonda R]

Good morning, Spyce,
Thank you for all the encouragement. Yes, you understand pretty well what I’m dealing with. I was taught to put my needs behind others. I’m not sure where and how I picked it up, but “It’s better to give than to receive” “Turn the other cheek” and other Christian teachings were drilled into me and somehow I got that if I were treated well and people did nice things for me that was being selfish and I wouldn’t go to heaven. I have totally dumped that belief!!! I was basically taught to not take care of myself… that was selfish. Again, dumped that belief, but I am still aware of others feelings and needs and do try to be caring. But (big grin) I have learned to thoroughly enjoy and genuinely appreciate it when men treat me like a lady. Learning to ask for help – like loading my kayak up at the end of a day with the meetup group.

So how do I approach me without coming across as being too forward? How do I ask a man out and still come across as a lady? I feel very socially awkward and not at all sure how to approach men.

Its rainy here. Heavy rain warnings at Point Pelee with flood warnings. Guess I won’t be going there. London, ON is rainy as well. May go up to the Pinery and see if I can get my boat in the water there. Supposed to stop raining there this afternoon. I’ll stop by the humane society on the way up and see about volunteering. They turned me down in May – COVID.

Thanks again for the support,
Smiles,
Rhonda

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