[Rhonda R]

Hi, Spyce,
Thank you for your thoughts. I’m laughing. I do totally understand that men are not perfect and do totally understand they are flawed. I’ve been married twice and both of them were quite horrible. I know both men had failed or bad relationships after me. I certainly do not think its always the woman’s fault.

There’s a difference, for me anyway, between “dark eyes” and sad eyes. I don’t usually consider sadness in someone’s eyes, or hopelessness in someone’s eyes as darkness. I associate darkness more with anger, discontent, meanness. When I sense that in someone’s eyes, I move away quickly. And as I think back over the last couple years, I’ve turned down a few opportunities to date as it didn’t feel right for me. Something I wouldn’t have had the strength to do in my younger years. So getting better. 🙂

You’re right. My mom did grow up in a bad, totally dysfunctional home and did not have the resources to know how to treat me right. And I understand that, so while the damage is there, I do not blame her nor am I angry with her. She did apologize to me a year or so before she passed away.

I do worry about my youngest boy. He’s pretty much holed up and retreated. Every time I suggest something he comes up with an excuse why it won’t work. I asked him if maybe he was afraid of failing. He got really silent and said something about it being hard when everything he’s tried has failed. He says he’s still putting out applications, but I don’t know what for. Still having problems getting his passport. Poor kid has had a pretty bad year. I do pray things will get better for him soon. I also try to be really positive with him.

Thanks again for your thoughts. I do enjoy reading them.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
I do totally understand what you said about choosing someone who treats you the way you were treated growing up. TOTALLY understand that. I had opportunities to date guys in college that treated me well, but it didn’t feel comfortable. I chose men who treated me the way my mother treated me. I have grown beyond that! I thoroughly enjoy being treated well and feel I deserve it!!! Don’t know anything about Barry’s younger years, but what I’m observing now, is he probably didn’t grow up in a healthy, happy home. Time to move on. No more interest there. Will’s lady is a very successful lawyer. While they aren’t married, he has called her his wife and they own property together. I get the impression they are both independently wealthy.

Don’t have a clue what it means when Ed makes a negative comment with a wink. Maybe “slam” wasn’t the correct word. Right or wrong, I think it allows him to get his point across without alienating people too badly. Negative comments are much easier to take when stated in a positive, teasing, playful tone rather than angry, negative, sarcastic tone. Lets people know that what they did/said wasn’t right with him but also that he isn’t mad at them. Does that make sense? I see it as a positive way of handling a situation.

Wish I could send you pics. A guy looked at my profile, so I looked at his. While living in Canada, may clues he was Scottish. Someone I’d be interested in except his eyes, to me, had a darkness to them. And I don’t just mean color. He wasn’t smiling, nor frowning, but something in the look in his eyes scared me away. He had 10 pics out there so it wasn’t just one. I’d be curious to know if you would read him the same way.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

I am a total wimp today. Drove half hour out to Cathcart Park. Got out of the car and the wind was blowing, 35 maybe, cloudy and I took 10 steps, turned around and got back in the car. No motivation to get out and do anything in this boring place when this weather is so cold and cloudy. So binge watched East Idaho Secret Santa. Nate Eaton has the BEST job! Now I’m listening to Tom Hank’s story. I love his version of Huron Carol.

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
I know there are books out on why the “bitch” gets the good man, so its not just me that notices that. Haven’t done a lot of “research” into why that happens. But I’m wondering if it has something to do with males generally wanting a challenge and its a challenge to see if they can make this person happy. Do I totally believe that the grumpy women ALWAYS get dates? no. Quite honestly, I don’t think I would want a man who is drawn to a “bitch”. To me, that wouldn’t make for a healthy, happy relationship. The men I know who have done that aren’t happy. So that’s another signal to me I wouldn’t be interested in Barry. But I can learn something from them…… don’t be too easy to please, do state my own likes and dislikes. I’m beginning to think I’m too easy to please and maybe a bit too agreeable. And I can be a little harder to please and a little less agreeable and still be pleasant and positive about it. Not quite sure what’s going on with Barry. But, whether I’m right or not, what I’m picking up is 1) he needs a woman around. He was trying to make a relationship work when I knew him in Red Deer. Now he’s got, what I believe, is a different woman. 2) I’m wondering if he’s a bit co-dependent and needs to be needed. 3) Maybe a bit of a rescuer? Dunno, but while I can’t put my finger on it and truly identify what’s happening, something doesn’t feel right or healthy to me.

Lol. Yeah, Will did stir the pot the other night. I didn’t pick up on how riled and angry the other guys were till the next morning. I knew things were getting heated but didn’t realize HOW heated. Me? I just sat back and listened. Will seems to easily, what do I say, show his passion about his beliefs? He seems to me to be, not sure that high-strung is exactly right, but something like that. He’ll come across quite strongly and passionately about his political beliefs and his car. He also seems to have a very slight, almost indistinguishable nervous twitch. He doesn’t attack others and tell them their wrong, but he will strongly put out points on why he believes the way he does. Quite honestly, I was surprised at how the other men reacted and how angry they got. I was kind of a third, “uninterested” party watching what was going on. Kind of fun people watching and trying to read them. Although I missed some things that night. Ed is an interesting guy. He has a playful personality. Always smiling. He’ll say something negative or a bit of a slam, but he’ll hand it out with a wink and a smile. I need to get out of my “hide in the cave” mentality and start being more observant and people watch to see their reactions. Its interesting to listen to Ed. He has an opinion about some people. Interesting to get his perspective on others. He and I read Barry’s girlfriend the same way.

Today is cloudy and a bit windy and just above freezing. 🙁 May go walk more of the Howard Watson trail. Boring but better than sitting in this apartment.

Have an AWESOME day!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thanks. No, don’t have a clue at all why grumpy women who treat men mean get dates and I don’t. But something doesn’t quite make sense with Barry. He seems really nice, but drinks more than I thought. And he’s dating a foreign lady who doesn’t treat him well. He’s given up camping for her. Not sure what he sees in her. Makes me wonder if he’s really good relationship material. At least not for me. He drinks too much.

Did manage to talk with Trav last night. He has applied for a few more jobs, one a research assistant, which he’s hoping to get. I’m praying for him. Dustin and Alex ran into some difficulties with their loan for their house, but seems they’ll be able to close next week. Once they move, Trav might get into hydroponic gardening and grow fresh greens and fruit. He keeps looking for work, so I’m proud of him for that.

Ha. Ha. LOL. So Will, the new NOVA guy I talked with has turned out to be a bit different. He really riled the other guys last night. He prefers China over the US and thinks the US is horrible. He swears by Tesla. Should have heard the guys talking this morning. Called him a Commie. (an hour later) Just had dinner with Will. Ken didn’t come and Ed and Garry are on home leave till next Tuesday. Had a good conversation talking projects.

Did make some calendars from some of my photos. Been able to sell over 10, so that’s kind of exciting. Yes, 1 month is a long time to wait.

Bridget emailed me this week. Bridget is Worley’s global tech support for the software I use. She really wants me back. Said she’s had several conversations with Bob Henstra on his projects in Belgium. I’ve also talked with Bob a few times. Been talking with him for 4 or 5 years. If there’s a possibility I know they’ll ask me to come on that project. That would be a good one, so I’m hoping.

Hope the weather is decent tomorrow. If so, I think I’ll go walk more of the Howard Watson trail. See if I can do the whole length over the time I’m here.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Sypce,
Thank you for checking. Things are settling down a bit. Got internet Monday. Sofa just got the cover on it today so I can finally sit in the living room instead of the bed. I’m liking it here better. It’s quieter, closer to work. I’m enjoying the gym and the treadmill. I’m also really enjoying having dinner with others.

So met Barry’s girlfriend. Hmmmmmmm. She’s from Columbia. Can’t speak much English. But the first night she ate dinner with us she was quite negative and sour. She was leaning way away from him. He asked for her phone so he could connect it to internet for her. She just scowled and pulled away. Next night she at least smiled, but they were the last and the only chairs were not next to each other so I offered to trade with her so she could sit next to Barry. She said no. Then the next night we were down to 4 chairs and were told that Barry won’t be coming for the next month. The others commented that she ran the relationship and made the motion of cracking the whip. Last night she was at the gym and one of the others said he’d seen his car at the brewery. So I don’t get it. I don’t understand why women like her get nice men and I don’t even get a date. Although I’ve decided I wouldn’t want Barry anyway. He drinks too much for me.

So you would be proud of me. A couple nights ago there was a gentleman sitting by himself for dinner. One of the older ladies told me he was the new man for NOVA so I went right over and started talking with him. Ended up eating dinner with him. Conversation started out slow, but then picked up. I asked the waiter to put our table back to 6 so he could join us. So the NOVA group is all back at one table. He’s got a partner that he called his wife, but seems like a really nice man.

Other than that, its boring, boring, boring around here. Weather is horrible. Another month plus before I go home.

Smiles,
Rhonda
P.S. Haven’t been able to talk with my youngest for a while. Hoping to talk with him soon. I do worry about him.

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
LOL. This was the easiest move I’ve done. Both places are furnished and since both are temporary, I didn’t have much to move and they are both small apartments – the one I moved out of and the one I’m moving in to. So it wasn’t bad at all. In a guest room at the complex till tonight. They were expecting me 1st of Dec but since Jen needed in my place ASAP, they were kind enough to let me move in here early so she could have my place. Just go into my own apartment tonight so will get unpacked and start getting settled this weekend.

Should get my own internet Monday so will write more then.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Spyce,
Thanks. Still don’t have my own internet and still in a guest room. Hope to be in my own room by Sunday. They’ve started to move furniture in and get it set up so we’ll see. Monday the internet provider is supposed to come set it up. Hope it goes better than it did for one of my co-workers who also lives in the same complex. He’s had a horrible time getting internet set up.

I’m guessing I won’t see any of my last month’s rent that I paid my last landlord – even though a new renter moved in immediately and he’s getting $300 more a month than I was paying. Oh well.

Talk more later when I have decent internet!
Have a super weekend,
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Spyce,
Thank you. The move did work out well. Jen did pay me the prorated amount and she does have a new lease with the landlord. I’ll give you a longer story when I get my own internet. Supposed to get it hooked up next Monday.

Finally was able to talk a bit with Trav. The sale closes on Dustin’s house Friday, so they’ll be able to move into their own house and get settled. I think that will help things.

Will write more when I get settled and get my own internet.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Morning,
Hope all is well with you both.

I am really struggling with depression this morning. Its sunny out, so will get out in a little bit. 93% humidity. YUCK!!!!! And I have no where to go, nothing to do and no one to do it with. I have no desire or motivation to go anywhere around here. I feel like I’m in prison. Only very boring places to walk (no real hiking) and nothing to photograph.

I shouldn’t be so depressed. I really have lots to be thankful for. I have not had brain surgery to remove a tumor like one of my friends has had. I do not have liver disease like another friend. Another friend just lost her oldest granddaughter in a car wreck. Now the girl’s brother, who has learning disabilities, was talked into a “challenge” to drink nyquil with Mountain Dew and take a whole bunch of Tylenol. He almost died from it. So really, I have lots to be thankful for.

I’m a little worried about this move. Jen is moving in on my lease (new girl at work that I really don’t know very well). She offered to pay me pro-rated value for the rest of the month. I hope she follows through with it. Also, I’m hoping she will sign a direct lease or rental agreement with my landlord so I’m off the hook with it. We’ll see. He was talking having her sublease from me. If Jen defaults, I would be out tons of money. I’m already paying off Trav’s school loans and now sending money to Dustin to help with Trav’s expenses. Plus this new place will be at least $300 more than I’m paying now. If Jen defaults, I’m up a creek without a paddle. I’m feeling extremely vulnerable. I hate it here. The apartment is ok, but the location is horrible – for me, anyway. Jen’s a city girl and I think she will like being downtown. I hate it. But the consequences of moving is higher expenses and extreme vulnerability.

I haven’t been able to talk with Trav in a few days. I’m getting very worried about him. He didn’t even answer my texts and when I call, Skype says he’s off line.

Did get an email from immigration confirming they received my PR renewal application on July 30 and giving me a link to check on status. I’m taking that as good news. I hope it goes through without a hitch. We’ll see.

Hope this move helps. I think it will help some, but I’m not sure how much. And I’m feeling guilty. Vince says I’ve left him in a bind. He’s not working full time and he’s trying to sell the building and had put in the ad there was income from the apartment through the end of the lease. This move won’t solve the problem of nowhere to go and nothing to do.

Ok, enough whining and crying for today.

New boss commented I was an “hour hog” when he signed my time card. I had about 110 hours for two weeks. Then he said Good for you. Seemed like a bit of a slam with a bit of a compliment. Not sure what to believe. I know the others are limited in their hours, although they also are now starting to get permission to work OT.

Have an AWESOME day!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Spyce,
Thank you. Helpful to have some idea why people react to me the way they do. I haven’t found groups around here, but pretty active with some meetup groups back home.

Crazy, crazy, crazy. So Jen, one of our new coordinators, moved into her place, which she leased site unseen. It was filthy, run down, window leaking, and a whole bunch of other things. She managed to get out of her lease. Since I’m moving I’m also breaking my lease. She really likes this place, so she’s moving in here and I’m moving to the complex….. Sunday, since she’s back in the hotel. She’s been here a month and still in a hotel, which is driving her nuts and she can’t afford it. She needs in here ASAP and the complex has a guest room I can have till mine is ready. So things do happen quickly. Wasn’t planning on moving till Dec 1, but she needs a place now.

I’m really worried about my youngest boy. He still hasn’t found work. Transcripts got in too late to get into the robotics school for spring semester and he also thinks his ACT score wasn’t high enough. Can’t get a hold of him tonight. I know tensions are high between him and Dustin and Alex. I’m now sending money to Dustin to help pay for Trav’s expenses plus paying off Trav’s school loans. This new place I’m moving to will be approx $300/more per month than here. 🙁 Really starting to worry about him. He said the counselor at NDSU said he was boarder line bipolar depressive. Not bad enough for medication, but I can see he does really struggle. Don’t know what to do. He’s really a good kid and it breaks my heart to see him struggling like this. Dustin’s 6 weeks without a paycheck now. When they moved he had to switch to working as a contractor instead of direct employee. That actually gave him a raise, but they are apparently slow to process things, so they’re struggling. The company has plenty of work for him and he’s been working full time, but just slow in paying his invoices. There’s a gentleman in Germany in the same situation and has told Dustin they always pay, but usually takes 4-6 weeks. So once he gets his first paycheck, I think it will go smoother. Finally got the loan through on their house and it will close next Friday. That will be good. Do pray he gets paid soon.

So I just spent over $300 to join Silver Singles again as I got a couple smiles from someone who seemed really interested and he seemed like someone I’d really like to get to know. Just got an email from Silver Singles they are investigating him and to be careful, he’s probably a scammer. Story of my life. 🙁

Sure hope I can continue to work over 50 hours/week. I need the money, plus it gives me something to do rather than get bored and depressed!

I’m kind of a mess tonight.
Hope things are going well for you and you’re enjoying the fall.
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thank you. I relate very much to your high school story. Jen made the comment the other day…. Rhonda doesn’t swear and here I am, Jen, the trucker girl. So I highly suspect you’ve given me insights to what’s happening. Back home in Calgary there are people similar to me that I can associate with.

Thinking more about Hugo… While I still don’t really like him I am learning to respect him. He said yesterday he’s a civil engineer from Columbia and has only been here for 3 years. His son is still in Columbia – or went back to Columbia. I think his wife is still here. Not sure. Anyway, he had developed all these reporting tools for Andrew and is claiming now it was Andrew that insisted on having them all in separate spreadsheets, that he had pushed and pushed to integrate them like I am doing. Here I’ve come in and taken over all the reporting that he used to do. I know he feels pushed aside. He’s now the punch list coordinator, which really is a full time job. But he struggles. The punch list is a mess, not all of it his fault. But when it was in a spread sheet the data wasn’t consistent….. misspelled names, same name entered in different formats (initial/last name, first name/last name, first name entered different ways like Mike and Michael) That makes sorting and filtering useless. People see this and tend to discredit him. Punch list is in SmartCompletions now and he’s adjusting. Still not sure how well he understands databases, but is working hard to clean up the punch list and adjust to using a database instead of a spreadsheet. I also notice he gets very little positive input. He works really hard, but doesn’t seem to be really efficient. I think a lot of it is language. He has a very strong accent and I have to really listen to understand and sometimes ask him to repeat. He struggles to translate Spanish into English and sometimes struggles with word selections. He said he wants to get back to Columbia and back into civil engineering. Don’t blame him.

Hugo reminds me of a gentleman I met at the train station in Calgary in ’19. Good-looking man. Always looked professional and always seemed happy. But he also was on his phone and by himself every morning. So one morning I just smiled and said Hi. He just lit up. So we started talking a bit. Found out he was a criminal lawyer from Venezuela and had to flee the country. Now he was working as a janitor, taking English classes. Knew very little English. Even though he was working as a janitor, he had that professional air about him. Even though I’m sure he had been through hell, he was always positive and happy. We only got to talk for a few weeks and it was only for a few minutes each morning waiting for the train to come. He told me one morning his employer had switched him to a different part of the city and I never saw him again.

I’m thinking I might move. I’m walking two blocks to my car at 5:30 every morning in the dark. Doesn’t feel really safe to me. (Sarnia and Windsor 2 hours to the south, have the highest crime rate per capita in Ontarion.) Parking lot is down a hill and not visible from the road. Also a royal pain to walk that far in the rain. Several of our team are staying at the adult living center south of here. Its closer to work, safe, has a huge parking lot right at the building (which also looks great for roller blading). Complex is bright, open, light, has a central open courtyard with bbqs. Each apartment has a small deck. Management is very friendly. Apartments are quite small. About half this size, but have a warmer atmosphere. There’s a restaurant/cafeteria with a huge, open, beautiful dining area. Rent includes a meal plan, which I’m going to ask have waived. Menu looks really good, but not vegetarian and I can tell I’d gain 50 lb in 2 months if I ate there. I just don’t eat that much. They also have a gym and the complex is large and in an open U-shape so I can walk the halls and climb the stairs or go to the gym or dining room when the weather is bad. I stopped in last week with no appointment and the assistant manager welcomed me and gave me a little tour. He got the manager on the phone so I talked with him for a bit. He invited me to one of their dinners. I’ve got an appointment Sunday to talk with the main manager. I’ve already paid my Nov rent here but thinking I’ll move first of Dec. I think I’ll feel safer and like it better there. We’ll see.

(sigh) 93% humidity today. Cloudy, 50s. Yuck. Not sure what I’m going to do.

Do you have snow yet? Hope you’re looking forward to a great weekend!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Thank you, Spyce,
I think you’ve probably hit the nail on the head. None of them get drunk, just a couple beers (they all have to drive home). I’m also vegetarian…. which why in the world would that make a difference…. and I don’t swear or use the F word. Being a construction site, the F word flows like wine at a reception around here. Didn’t think much about it after I wrote you. Not letting it bother me much. And you’re probably right….. it wouldn’t surprise me if I do give off that vibe that I’m set and have my own things that I like to do. Its possible I’m giving off the vibe that I don’t need anyone and happy on my own.

I like your suggestion of acting like I belong. I’ve read that the best way to deal with racism is to act like it doesn’t exist. It would be the same for me – act like I’m wanted and people enjoy being around me.

Got a compliment from Darren, my boss’s boss today. He said the report I built and database I’ve put together has already proved its weight in gold and I’ve only had it out for a week.

Poor Hugo. He had all these many, many spreadsheets that he was tracking things for the team with. I came along and put everything in one place in one database and built a new reporting tool (per Darren’s request) and in some ways taken over some of the things Hugo was doing. Sometimes he drives me up a wall, but I remember what you or Heidi told me….. ask Why is he acting this way. He’s actually been pretty good about it — maybe because he doesn’t have a choice. The boss boss has asked it be done. He’s from Columbia and struggles with language and I wonder if there are some cultural things going on, too. So I do try to remember to ask Why rather than just react and get upset when he gets on my nerves.

Glad you’re ok after that storm. LOL. I heard it was more than just a little bit of rain, thought, that hit CA. And since I’m just east of upstate NY, I understand what you’re saying about a “little bit” of rain. Ha Ha. I don’t think we’ve had one day in October where the sun shown for the whole day. Rained most of the month. St. Claire River is very, very high.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Spyce,
Thank you. Kind of needed to hear what you had to say. I know people do enjoy working with me, but I sure wouldn’t say I’m popular. No one includes me in their activities outside of work. I know a bunch of them go out for dinner but know one includes me. They were talking about going out Friday and asked why I didn’t go. I just replied I didn’t know about it and no one invited me. So they mentioned a place but never told me the time. Then I asked the new girl if she wanted to go hiking with me Saturday so she did. We did 13 k. I mentioned something about not having anyone to go out to eat with or do things with and she said she would. But then I heard today Gary, Randy and Jen all went out Saturday evening and no one even let me know. Jen said she had texted people, but she didn’t text me. The only social events, except 1, I’ve gone to are ones I’ve planned. I don’t know why they don’t include me. I know I don’t drink, but I still enjoy socializing occasionally. Jen’s only been here a couple weeks and she’s already also had dinner with one of the NOVA leads and gone for drinks a few times with Randy and then dinner Saturday night. I asked her how she did it. She said she just walks in and says we’re going out to eat. She isn’t quiet and she’s not shy or bashful. She’ll go introduce herself to everyone and ask what they do, what their role is and what info can they give her. She isn’t shy about telling people what she expects and how things are going to be. She’s obviously getting a lot more socialization than me, but that’s not me. Oh, and she said she’d like to go to Algonquin or Tobermory with me in Dec so today I sent her the name of one hotel and mentioned places were mostly sold out but this place had a few rooms left and asked her what she thought. She didn’t respond.

Thank you! I totally agree with you. I’d much rather be wanted than needed. Needing, to me, has a controlling aspect to it. I don’t have a clue how I come across to people. I don’t know if I give off vibes that my walls are up and they shouldn’t get to close. Don’t know if I come across more as a mother or helper than a partner. Maybe I come across as aloof and distant? I still wish I could go out on a couple fake dates with a guy just to get feed back on how I come across.

Dunno. Been in kind of a funk. It’s going to be a long winter. Done nothing but rain so far.

Are you ok with that storm that’s hit CA? I heard its been bad. Good for skiing in Tahoe, though. 🙂 And more water in the reservoirs.

Smiles,
Rhonda

[Rhonda R]

Hi, Heidi,
Thank you. I am feeling more valued now after Andrew’s gone. Our new lead is very nice and our team is better now. Nice to be working with Randy again.

When I say “younger” men, I mean younger than me. I’ve been around men who are 8-10 years younger and still don’t keep up with me. LOL. If I ever have to move back to the States, I’ll come settle in Boulder. Actually Calgary is like that. I see men and women my age or older jogging on the Elbow River Pathway in South Glenmore. There’s a very active, health-minded community there. While there are some overweight people there, there isn’t near the percentage as there is in Ohio and Louisiana.

I’ve kind of sort of paused. Not super actively looking….. just kind of. Heard yesterday from a man I was actually interested in. Answered his questions and asked him two 1) What would your dream adventure look like, and 2) What are you looking for in a relationship? (He had asked how long I’d been on the dating site and if I liked it.) No response.

Past my bedtime. Worked till 6 tonight.

Have a super day tomorrow!
Smiles,
Rhonda

[Author]

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