[Shani C]

Hi Heidi,

It’s a lot to process. I’m really struggling with not feeling like a victim and blaming Rav. I understand I had a role in this, but I also feel I communicated clearly with him throughout this, esp once I knew my feelings. I have a lot of guilt for my role in this, maybe even putting this one him, definitely knowing now that lying to my friends hurt them, and also meant they set him up with another friend.
But this: “Who’s blaming? Blaming doesn’t exist here….it’s just you taking responsibility for YOUR feelings. It’s not Rav’s fault that you are hurting the way you are. You are hurting so deeply and in suffering because of ALL the prior experiences you have had BEFORE Rav….you came to table with a ton of previous baggage and he just happened to poke at it. So your feelings are YOURS to work with. He does NOT deserve to have your past be dumped in his lap. That’s harmful, it’s mean, and it’s unkind. Would you like that done to you? Would you like a guy to dump ALL his anger and resentment and hurt from his past into your lap just because you didn’t see a future with him?” – how is it not Rav’s fault I am hurting. He knew the previous baggage, he knew my deepest fears or being used or the other woman, he knew how I felt, and he still led me on. He breadcrumbed me enough to keep me around until a “better option” came along. We spoke about me working through the trauma together. I’m not putting all the past on him, what he did hurt me too, and hurts more because he knew my triggers, my past, and he knew how safe I felt with him.

I’ll put it this way – two friends within the group have reached out and spoken to me over the last week. Both have said they don’t think he is as good a guy as Harry and Soph think. One has said he has spoken about the situation with his therapist because he is so angry at Rav and is trying to avoid completely putting him in the black zone (this friend has BPD), and will speak to him when he has processed so he can say things without getting angry. I have not asked him to do this btw, so I guess it has helped me feel validated.

And yet, I am also working through that maybe I was attracted to this safe feeling, and that feeling is within me. I know this. And I know my nervous system is like wait, we were safe. Compared to other scenarios, we felt safe and we still got hurt. And I am trying so hard to get out of the loop and stop asking why. But even telling myself this is not really working. And then I am beating myself up for being stuck, for being angry, for not looking within myself. I know everyone says it’s a choice and I can choose to focus on me, but it doesn’t feel that way. I am trying, every day, But I have depression, and I am having to force myself to get out of bed, eat, shower, and that is hard enough. And I don’t feel like it’s a choice. It’s not a choice when I have panic attacks at random times, or I wake up shaking, when I’m not even thinking of Rav. Or when Soph and I are talking and she mentions Brooke’s name and I have a physical reaction. It just happens.

I’m sorry, I am trying.

[Shani C]

Hi Heidi, sorry it’s been a tough few days and I’m exhausted.
Ah my financial situation – single tax is hard, especially when you own your own house. And this is why it’s hard to feel back at square one. I have worked hard on myself, learnt to value my independence, bought a house, a car, all of that. And though I am so proud of myself, right now it’s hard. I am finding it hard not to think I’ve really messed this up, because I was so closed off at the start and because I let myself get vulnerable without certainty (though I was vulnerable when we were just friends to be fair). I feel like there is something about me as a person that seems to bring out shit behaviour in men – for example my friends adore Rav and have vouched for what a great guy he is. So did I someone make even a good guy cheat, and even a good guy use a woman?

Your system is in so much pain and Rav, because he hurt you, is the one person your system believes could get you out of pain. You are using him. You want HIM to do the work for you. – ouch. I see where you are coming from, but I wasn’t in so much pain before things between us happened, it’s just I have never been with someone who made me feel so safe and heard and I’m scared I did something wrong to lose that. Also I’m not sure I buy into the whole you have to be perfectly healed to meet someone, surely there is something to be said that you both bring out the best in each other and help each other. Because when you say this: “It’s just the reality of life and living with trauma. I appreciate every single one of those moments, because it’s an opportunity to clean up my system even more. ” and that it takes years, well do I have to be alone all those years?

You are right though, my value in myself is in question. It wasn’t so much before this though, I was in a good spot. However I do put a lot of value in how others see me, how I impact others, the value I am to them. I’ve always been this way. It means a lot to me. I’m sure that’s something to unpack sometime, but even now I know I am dropping food and gifts off to my friends who just had the baby, taking their dog for walks etc, because I know it’s of value to them and I need to feel that.

“The way things ended really triggered me. It brought up a lot of hurt and anger so I have a lot of work to do on myself. I’ll figure it out. I’ll still be cordial. I’m just not interested in talking and connecting, because I am in a place where I really might say things that could be harmful and that is not the kind of person I want to be” – thank you. this helps. But it also feels like it’s putting all the blame on me?

“Just because he wants to talk, doesn’t mean you have to. Honestly, he doesn’t deserve it. He broke your trust, he used you, he mislead you…and you want to open up and be vulnerable with him again?”
Well, yes I have done a lot of reflecting this weekend. I spoke to another friend in the group and opened up about it because she said Soph (who has had the baby) is really really worried about me. This friend helped me realise that I don’t have to be ok around Rav right now, no matter how much he makes it feel that way. I dropped a gift off to my friends Sunday morning and the timing couldn’t have been worse. I pulled up just as he and the new girl did with my friend. I was on my way to a work thing, so I literally just jumped out of the car dropped it at the door, and said sorry Harry (my friend) got to get to Melbourne. I didn’t acknowledge Rav or Brooke and I feel shit and about that, but I probably wouldn’t have handled it well. And so I’m sort of resting in these feelings of not being ok, and I will avoid interacting with Rav at this stage. The hardest thing is navigating the friend group. Soph is so worried about me because I’m at a point where I can’t hide my pain and it’s obvious to her. But she didn’t know what it was and I didn’t want to burden her at this time. But she’s in a tricky spot where one person she loves is hurting, and another person she loves is with another person she loves and she is happy for them both. And she keeps asking how can she help, and telling me she has capacity to talk about it. I’m just not sure how to do that the right way.

I feel like I’ve really messed up, and just wish perhaps at the very start I was more open to things, it’s hard not to take the entire blame onto myself. Because when everyone says you need to focus on you, and value you, it reads in my mind I am not good enough as is. All I know is I’m not ok and my body is tired of trying to be. And my mind keep replaying things, and then flashing to Rav and Brooke, happy on Sunday. And I hate that I am so jealous and part of me hoped that he felt a bit shit when he saw me and got nothing from me.

[Shani C]

I feel this would be so much easier if I never had to see him again.
But I know he wants this to all be ok, for the sake of himself and our friends. What if he insists on talking further about it?

[Shani C]

I am seeing a psych, in fact I have just changed Pyschs because the one I was with just didn’t feel right. I see the new one for the first time Tuesday, but it is hard – it is long waiting times to get in. I am also on anxiety medication, went to my doc and she is pushing for the ADHD assessment to be completed. I have friends that check on me, but I hate being the sad one, they already had to help me through my abusive ex, I feel like I’m adding more mental load to them and I want to share happier things with them.
I am aware that I am not mentally ok, and that is not just Rav that is the reason (work as well is tough). But it’s the one hurting the most and playing on my mind the most. I thought I found my person, the one I could do life with, get through the hard times because of how seen I felt, how heard I was, how emotionally and physically safe I felt with him. And now I’m going through a really tough time so the loss feels greater.

I will say, before this all started between us, I was in a really good spot. Dating sucked, being SA’d sucked, but not in a way that I felt I wasn’t good enough. I had done so much inner work since my ex and was just starting to see the psych to really work on it. And I was (and am) proud of myself. I had put dating on pause because I felt I was giving my energy to the wrong people and was focused on me. And so when it started I wasn’t seeking it, and I told him I wasn’t an option from the start. In fact from the moment we met I gave off the “I’m not an option” vibe because back then I wasn’t ready. The trust grew and then things happened…I’m also angry at myself for all of it. The fact I was so closed off to it at the start, then letting myself be vulnerable and feel, and continue to see him without clarity, feeling like I want to blame him for all of it, but also knowing I probably did this to myself. And I really just want to get back to that time where I was in a good spot.

That just tells you how NOT invested he really was – It really does hey. They are on a romantic weekend together and I’m stuck here knowing I have so much work to do to heal and he has no idea. And I don’t understand why it feels so important that he knows how much it hurts. Can you offer insight into WHY I’m struggling with that and why it might feel so important to me that I share? When obviously all your advice is don’t.

I am not going to seek him out to talk, I know I’m not ready for that. Because right now, I’m full of jealously if I’m perfectly honest, jealous that he is with someone else, happy and life is going on for him. But I know there will be a time that comes when we see each other in person, or perhaps he messages again. And I guess this is a good place for me to work out what not to say, maybe not act like I’m fine, but learn the way to say things which will allow him to hear it with less judgement to maybe make being in each others presence easier.

I absolutely understand this Shani. That is how they market this program and it’s true for some cases. Each situation is so different though. My job is to help you align with the truth. My job is offer an objective perspective. And from what you shared, I immediately knew you were dealing with an emotionally unavailable guy – and those type of guys are near impossible to turn around. > yeah the marketing really got me here. Because I thought it was all about even reconnecting with the emotionally unavailable guy, whether he is seeing someone or not. I think what’s hard is I don’t know if he is emotionally unavailable, since he is seeing another girl…also he goes to therapy, something many men do not do. Or I don’t know if actually the issue is just me and I’m not enough for him. Or too much. And I know that it’s not the way to think, but it’s really hard to get out of that rut.

Telling yourself to let go when your system is holding on for dear life because he is the safest guy you have met, that’s so hard > THIS. this is exactly how it feels. And I’m positive my past, and ADHD makes it even worse.

I have not yet explored my past and why I chose an abusive partner – not with a professional. This was supposed to be discussed with my other psych but we never seemed to get there.

It’s just hard and I’m struggling I guess with how much of myself to show to him when we do finally see each other. I’m trying to do the work on myself but it’s hard when I thought I had done it, and feels like I’ve gone backwards now. Rav knew I had worked through so much – he praised me on it, now I’ve fallen apart I feel like I’ve failed.

[Shani C]

And can I ask him if I scared him off with my anxiety? For some reason, knowing why not me really means a lot to me. If it was that, I can say ok he just wouldn’t ever have given me what I needed.

[Shani C]

Also, I just really miss his hugs so much. And part of me wants to tell him that, but is that wrong?

[Shani C]

Doing fine? Sure you are! You are hurting but that doesn’t mean you aren’t doing okay. You are still able to live your life, you are still able to go about your day, right? – Actually no. I’m struggling day by day. This has really knocked me backwards and I realise his safety was helping me get through some hard shit at work too. I’ve not been this bad in a very long time, I have no appetite, no motivation. And every time I think I make a step forward and start feeling better, I seem to go backwards. Even today, I went to see my friends and their bub, and looked at the calendar – at the date. I saw this weekend Rav and Brooke visit – Brooke is a girl he met at the baby shower, in December. I broke inside honestly. I fought so hard to not let my friends see me break, but I had to leave because I just felt sick and stabbed in the guts.
And this is my confusion. I was never attracted to him in the first place, physically especially, that grew as we got closer. I became attracted to him as a person. But even then, outside friends had to convince me to “give him a shot’ and be vulnerable. Then when he was dating another girl in July/Aug, it should have been obvious he wasn’t choosing me. But I also had told him I was not an option. He then finds out I’m an option, and he chooses to stay. It gave me false hope I think. And now as soon as I’m too much/not enough whatever, he has another girl. This guy has only ever been in one relationship for over 10yrs (a crappy one at that) before he and I met and started this ‘situationship’. It was different thinking maybe he wasn’t emotionally ready for a relationship, but for him to move so quickly to someone else, that hurts more. And I understand the way we both saw the relationship was different, but he also said there was a deep connection, even at the end. I’m really struggling to accept it, I actually don’t know how to.

Thoughts about all of this? I get that you want him to choose you, because that would feel soooooo good, but that is not going to happen. – I won’t lie, I thought this platform was going to help me get him to choose me, get him back and all of that. And yes, I can see how that seems like a bad choice for me, when he has hurt me so much. But that’s the thing, deep down I just really felt it was right, and he didn’t really have red flags until now, but I also am terrified that because I’ve been anxious throughout this that it drove him away. I didn’t give secure energy, and maybe I was too much. I can’t explain how much he calmed me when he just held me, how seen I felt with him, how emotionally safe.
.I do not confront someone until I don’t need to anymore. – That’s a really interesting way to look at it. I think the hardest thing here for me is time. I will be seeing him soon and I’m not sure how to handle that. Particularly with this new news of him seeing another girl. I’m not past the hurt or accepting it all. This news made me feel even more used and manipulated – which I know are strong words and not words to use with him, but that’s how I feel.

Oh you’d be surprised how much my friends pushed the agenda of giving him a shot, it was constant, even at my birthday in october telling my other friends that they keep offering me a great guy but I’m too shallow to give him a shot. And yet, it’s hard because I know in the end I made these choices, and I wish I hadn’t. I wish my friends had known earlier before my feelings got too strong – maybe it would have worked out better because my anxiety wouldn’t have gone through the roof. This has brought up unhealed things I know that, it’s just really to pretend I’m ok to him and my friends when I’m not. Actually, my parents are incredible, I don’t think they are the source of any trauma! Maybe friendships in school though…

Close the door on a relationship with him. There are other guys out there that also can treat you really well and that you will also have a good connection with. He is not the only one! And start to work yourself towards forgiveness. Those are the 2 things you need to focus on. – I don’t have the energy to find another guy anymore, And for some unknown reason I still really want this one. I can’t seem to accept it no matter how much I tell myself and my body to. Is this crazy?

Thank you, I know I hate hearing that I have to accept it, there is no chance, but I still somehow need to keep things within our friendship group ok. Why do I not message him? Do you think his previous messages checking in were genuine or just ‘tick the box so he feels ok’? I feel like it would be better to find a time to talk to him before I see him in a group setting to say what you have said. The way is a really good way to phrase it. Is there a good way to phrase, ‘I wish you had told me earlier, rather than lead me on for 4 months’ – because I don’t want to say it that way, but seriously it was those 4 months that gave me false hope. Because before that, I was ready to let go and move on.

And yes I know I’m being difficult in not accepting. Probably why I chose a platform that was about getting him back, even if he is with another, etc! I’m just feeling not ready to, and I’m not sure how to change that feeling. Because one minute I go from loving who I am and knowing any guy would be lucky to have me, to why was I not good enough for him. Urghhhhhhh I hate it’s affected me so much.

But I will keep listening and trying, even when it hurts to hear it and do it Heidi.

[Shani C]

Thank you Heidi, he really did treat me well and I know there was a connection there, and I really valued it.
So saying you are “fine” is NOT lying…you are doing fine. That is the truth. You just aren’t telling him anything more than that because it’s a bit of a sticky situation.- but I’m not doing fine? I’m just so confused with what to say because I don’t want to attack him or police him. I don’t want to give the wrong energy. Yes, I want him to choose me and miss me, and I have no idea what to say to him in person, or whether to reply to his last text.

The friends thing is a good point, I think because they kept pushing me to give him a shot and said I was being shallow (even though they didn’t know I was seeing him), it hurts more. I don’t want they to “do anything to him, I guess I don’t really understand what I want or why I feel this way.

What happened to you in your past, that made you feel not believed or like the “crazy one.” – my ex gaslighted me for years. Coercive control, various abuse. But also apart from my ex, I’ve never been chosen/ first choice, so I think deep down I needed to know Rav chose to stay with me that night in August because he cared for me, not because I was an option.
I also just don’t understand how we can have such a deep connection and it not be enough for him to give it a shot, and he can just give up on it?

There is an art to confronting someone. There are many things to consider if you want to be effective. The goal whenever confronting someone, is to help them feel safe with you. You want them to feel open and receptive to you. Do you really think your judging and criticizing energy would make Rav want to connect with you? 
How do I do this? And no I dont, that’s why I’m reaching out, I want to do this the right way, or at least a way that will help move this forward positively.

I really appreciate your advice on this, I didn’t think I loved him, but maybe I did. Which is crazy because we weren’t even in a relationship!

[Shani C]

Thank you Heidi. I’ve done a lot of work on myself since my ex especially, and Rav really has been the first man I’ve trusted and felt comfortable and safe with since. Which is probably why it hurts so much.

Honestly, part of me feels he would rather know the truth, that’s why he has offered to reach out and talk. I just don’t love “lying” to him. Especially when our friends know otherwise.

And I just think if our friends are telling me he did wrong, they should tell him. I’m a believer that if you are good friends you can call your friend out on behaviours that aren’t ones you agree with. And it would help me feel more supported I guess. Maybe make it that I’m not the crazy one, others can see it too, so he has the opportunity to take accountability. Because I truly believe he is a good person and wouldn’t have wanted to hurt me so much. I’m not sure.

[Shani C]

To be clear, he knew how much it’s hurt me in the past to be just a body and how I hated that. And yes, I know I’m at fault for catching feelings after I set the tone, but I told him in August and was ready to let go and be ok with it back then.
So I don’t know why he kept it going for 4 more months (any other guy and I would just be like yep that’s men, but he was a friend, and goes to therapy and everyone tells me he is a really good guy)
I think I was pretty clear in Aug with my msg:
Hey Rav, I’m feeling even more confused after Saturday night. After everything you said earlier, why did you stay over, why did you kiss me?
I definitely didn’t think I’d develop feelings when we started this but it turns out I was very wrong. I meant what I said when I wanted to keep exploring with you, and had been planning that convo since I’d been up at Nationals. That being said, I know that I have no right to want anything more, expect any more of you, after all I said when we first started this. And I totally get if you were able to only see it that way and don’t feel the same. I just also need to be 100% honest with you and myself. I’m sorry for letting it get complicated. And I was ready to let go, until you stayed the night…so I just need to understand why you did it, so I can figure myself out. And then I can put boundaries in place to protect myself. I can’t be someone’s backup or second choice. I’m sorry to do this via message but I don’t know when I’ll see you next.

[Shani C]

So I met Rav through my dear friends who I was living with at the time Soph and Harry. Rav is Harry’s best mate. Before we met, they kept saying we’d be great together, I was immediately against that because I didn’t know him and now know I was scared to be vulnerable. When we met in August 2024, I wasn’t interested at all, not attracted, but became friends. We would stay up late chatting and I opened up about my past a little and we shared the horrors of dating life these days (mainly mine). I felt we formed a friendship, outside our friends, where we could msg whenever.
Start of April 2025, bucks night, he helped me get home safe. He came inside to use my bathroom, we ended up chatting for ages on my couch, I really opened up about my ex and he was so kind and supportive, I felt so comfortable and safe. I couldn’t tell you who kissed who first but he stayed that night. He was respectful the next day, and basically said he’d follow my lead on what we told our friends. I said I wanted to keep it between us for now, and he followed through on that. End of April, a few days after the wedding, we slept together again, sober this time. Again, I got to I guess make the rules and I said I just wanted fun, and between us. At this stage I didn’t have feelings. Those few months were great. He’d msg me randomly out with his mates about my fav sports team – he doesn’t even follow that sport. He made me dinner, told me he’d dreamt of me etc. In July, I realised I had feelings. But I was in another state and he had become inconsistent and flaky. Mid Aug just before a friends games night he tells me he met a girl and is bringing her that night. I said over the phone look I was enjoying this and not finished exploring, but he owes me nothing and I’m happy for him. He asks to come over before hand to see if I’m ok. I end up telling him I think I have feelings but again that it was my thing to work through because I had said no feelings. After the friends night he drove me home and asked to stay the night because he was so tired. I said sure, as friends. I did open up a little more on my feelings saying I felt safe and comfortable with him and thanked him for showing me how that was possible again. When we went to bed he pulled me in straight away. I had to stop things. I msgd him a few days later asking why he stayed, kissed me etc. I was honest about my feelings and asked him to let me know what he was thinking because I then needed to put boundaries in place to protect myself, because I wasn’t willing to be someone’s back up or second choice. He told me he stayed because of comfort and he wasn’t ready to end things with me and that he felt the same way. He apologised for his behaviour. He then came over and we spoke and he said the girl had broken up with him the next day and he thinks he has feelings but he needs time because he didnt know I had them or he had them and life was throwing things at him too. He explained that he felt like he was breaking up with me when telling me about her and he didn’t like it. Then learnt I had feelings, realised he had them too and then they ended things. He said he didn’t want me feeling like I was an option or second choice being so quick after her.
So I agreed, we both had lots going on. But we kept seeing each other, he opened right up to me about so much. Again he said he’d dreamed about me. And when I was tired and said sorry can we just sleep tonight he said we didn’t always need to sleep together, he just enjoyed my company and was happy to just cuddle. It was so easy with him. But towards end of Oct I wanted to understand more where he was at. I handled it terribly, talking nonsense late at night about finding my person, and how great he was, and how I was getting old. I’ll admit, it was anxiety driven. But still he was said all the right things, cuddled me. But we never really got to the main thing – what we were.
By Dec I wanted to know. He had called me saying he had tested positive for throat gonnerea and I should get tested. I asked for us to catch up soon to chat. He kept saying absolutely, lots of smiley faces etc. We had a baby shower coming up and that week he was still flirting with me saying staying that weekend with me would be fun. Then he bailed, but didn’t tell me until I asked. He then said he’d stay Sunday night. Bailed again because he had to drive a mate home. He realised I was upset and said he’d come back and we’d chat. Then again bailed for another friend. I was upset of course, I said let me know when you actually can because my time is valuable too. He made time to see me the following week. He let me lay out all my feels for an hour. Then told me
“You’re a great person, I really value you and our friendship, think the world of you, I find you incredibly attractive and the sex is amazing, love hanging out with you and our banter and we absolutely have a connection…but it’s not that…”
I asked why he told me in Aug he had feelings, he said he mistook lust. And that he couldn’t even say maybe. He said sorry and cried 3 times.
I’ve struggled ever since, because it doesn’t make sense to me.
I’m sure I’ve missed bits but thats the gist.

[Shani C]

Is it useful to share the full story here? Because he did tell me had feelings for me. It’s long, but maybe gives a little more context. Or maybe it would still be the same.

I disagree that friends shouldn’t get involved. They were the ones who told me to give him a shot and wanted us together in the first place. I think if a friend shows a behaviour you don’t agree with (which they have told me they think he’s been shit), then you can call it out. Whether he treated me or a complete stranger this way, if they think he did wrong, you tell him as a friend.

I’ll post the full story below, because I might as well get the full thing out. And to note that I don’t want to push him away.

It’s also important to know that I have a pretty shitty past with men. I’ve been the other woman (unknowingly) 4 times. An 8yr abusive relationship. Had 3-4 married men reach out years later and try something and can’t understand what vibe I give off that I’m into that. Been SA twice in the past year. And also I suspect I have ADHD and CPTSD.
He knows this entire past. He knew how much it meant that I felt safety and comfort with him.

[Shani C]

I guess I just don’t know why it’s wrong to tell him that I’m not ok. When he has clearly asked me in the messages, and he is offering the chance to talk. I don’t even know if he knows how much he hurt me. And I need to know he at least valued the friendship, because thats the killer here.
If I didn’t have to see him again, different story. But I do. And the hardest thing is that in our friends group, no one is going to call him out because they don’t want to get involved.
If there’s really no hope for anything with him, then I’d rather just really tell him how much I hurt and give him the chance to show me if he really is a good person who cares for the friendship or not

[Shani C]

I then got this back:
Hey Shani, yeah I was curious and thought I’d ask them considering they know you so well.
Big event this weekend, national titles are on, so lots of fun for us. Otherwise I’m well.

Yeah I’m sure it might be, but I agree that we can keep it pleasant for everyone.
I’m all good for talking, I feel like I said everything I needed to at the pub and am ok with where I left things. If you ever want to talk feel free to reach out, otherwise I’ll see you around bubs I’m sure. 🙂

And that really hurt. How bad is it to say the following:
Honestly Rav, I’ve been sitting on this deciding whether to send it.
Because let’s be real here, you know me just as well as Harry and , you know I’ve always made the time and effort to reply to you in a timely manner, even if it wasn’t reciprocated.

So do you actually want to know how I’m going? Do you really want to know what you said and how you left things has affected me?

Or
‘ hi rav, sorry for the late reply, I’ve been trying to think of the best way to answer. Firstly, I am very excited for soph and Harry and I’m doing my best to be okay and to be there for them. We both hurt them a lot and so I’m trying my best not to hurt them anymore. Inevitable we will both be in the same room together and to be completely honest I’m not okay since we last spoke. I’m hurt, especially after everything you knew about my past and how this all played out. I would like things to be better between us I just don’t know what that would look like, or how I could trust you again. I’m working on healing myself and being around those I can trust who love and care for me. Like you said- soph and Harry are my priority and I don’t want to hurt them anymore then we already did.

I would word that last one better, but you get the idea?

[Shani C]

I believe I do have strong feelings for him. And I’m still really hurt by what he said and how he led me on from Aug to Dec. And the fact that he seems to be absolutely fine. In fact, I’m pretty sure he is seeing someone else now.
The hardest thing, is that our friends just had their baby, and I’m not sure I can hold that secure energy. I can be open hearted and wanting to forgive, but I’m still hurt. And actually should I be honest about that?
I ended up sending this message:
Hey Rav, I caught up with Soph yesterday and she mentioned you called and asked about me because I hadn’t replied yet. I’m ok, just been busy. Hope you’re going ok? I heard you and Harry have a big event this weekend, hope it goes well.

Unfortunately it likely will be awkward for a bit Rav. However, we’re both adults and we can keep things pleasant for everyone around us and moving forwards. It sounds like you’d like to talk though? I’m open to that if it will help.

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