[Mackenzie B]

Hi Heidi, thank you for the response! You bring up a lot of great points. We decided not to do the investment due to the risk involved. I hear what you’re saying about him not taking action and I agree that I want someone who wants to be with me and makes that clear. But I think there’s a cultural component too where men from this area are more passive with women, I know from a woman who dated him that she had to make the first move, and like I said I don’t think I’ve really invited him to make a move on me. Although I have the intention of trying to invite him more each time we hang out, I don’t think I’m doing a good job of it.

Tomorrow we are going to a dance party with my friends so I think it’s my opportunity to invite him and make it more clear that I am interested in being more than friends by body language/flirting. If I cannot muster the courage to do that, or if he responds unclearly, then maybe I should try to have a conversation. What do you think?

[Mackenzie B]

Hi Heidi. I don’t see my original post, just the title so I am re-posting it here. I would say it’s been VERY slow and I want to know how to get out this ambiguous zone but in a way that won’t pressure him:

I’m looking for advice on how to proceed with a man I’ve been seeing, where the dynamic has become somewhat ambiguous.

We met on a dating app and had one date, then he was flaky for 6 months and we never met up again until two months ago. We have since spent a significant amount of time together, including two trips (8 days and 4 days), regular meetups even though he lives outside of my city, and recently exploring a real estate investment together. The connection is strong emotionally and intellectually—he is consistent in seeing me, thoughtful, and we communicate well. We recently had a very open 2-hour conversation where we addressed a tension around a financial boundary, and he responded with accountability and emotional maturity.

However, there has been **no clear romantic escalation** (no physical moves beyond light affection, no explicit expression of romantic intent). The energy sometimes feels warm and slightly charged, but still undefined.

I’ve realized that:

* I do feel romantic interest toward him
* I would feel frustrated if this dynamic stayed in this ambiguous space
* I tend to wait to be chosen rather than clearly expressing my interest
* He’s avoidant (he told me) so I think I have acted quite guarded with him to protect myself

He, on the other hand, seems respectful and possibly cautious, and may be waiting for clearer signals—or may simply be comfortable keeping things platonic.

My question is:
How would you recommend I move this forward in a way that is authentic and feminine, without creating pressure—but that also brings clarity and avoids staying in limbo?

[Author]

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