[Nafsika I]

Hello Heidi! Thank you for your message and hope you are doing well.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. However, what do you feel about this move of him after such a long time? Do you think he was testing the waters or just a proper act and that’s it? He lovers to be proper and he wants to do everything with good manners etc. This is why I am thinking, did he reach out because he felt he had to thank me for the nice gesture for his father? Otherwise I would think bad of him? So he wanted to show gratitude and no more than that?
Also, his mother saw the candle on the website now or before? And he decided to reach now because he feels he wants to approach me again? Just thoughts in my mind.

Indeed, I tried really hard to keep the conversation on a surface level which is not me but I didn’t have any choice. If he is an avoidant as we say, I am sure he will not open up himself directly and rather start like this surface not on a deeper level. As you see he was talking to me like nothing happened, very friendly and not showing emotions or refer to the past or talk about us. He knows thought he hurt me but maybe he didn’t expect I will talk to him so grounded even so hurt of him and rejected.

If he decides to reconnect, I will definitely not speed things as you say but of course I will not do that for long and always have his pace not a mutual pace. He first needs to earn my trust again which is so hard to achieve, he needs to try a lot and earn his place back in my life. Also, he needs to show if he wants to be with me, I won’t accept surface level approach. Also, I thought to also show him at first maybe I am not going to take him back, he needs to wonder a bit. I cannot give it to him straight in this plate.
He needs a lot of work to be with me again. Also, he needs to say that he regret all of this and he is willing to give me what I deserve i.e commitment, consistency and all of that no more one and off and up and down emotionally. And the answer to your question, is no I won’t open instantly. I need to see all of the above.

Did you expect him to reach out after what we discussed?

In regards to the location, yes I really have this need and it’s very intense currently. I decided to go yes for vacations to the Netherlands and also I would like to travel in August for a month(but this I haven’t planned) because being alone bothers me a bit. I prefer to go to places I haven’t been instead of going with friends who have kids in a summer island. I don’t want this at this moment in my life.

Nafsika

[Nafsika I]

Hello Heidi,

I am doing okay, not the best time of my life, currently being overwhelmed of everything and I really feel I need a fresh new start in another country which is not easy to do. It’s on my mind a lot the past months, I need new sceneries, new people and things to do. Where I live the options are not so many since it’s an island.

Well, there are few developments. If you remember I mentioned that his father passed away on 30.04. His family owns a funeral home in his home city which is the biggest and oldest over 100 years old. They do have a memorial portal and you could see when the funeral will take place, write your thoughts and feelings about the person who passed away and light up a candle. So I thought the only thing that I could do and still be discrete is the candle. So I posted a candle and write my name.
He texted me yesterday after such a long time, that he shall extend many thanks from his mother to me! She was impressed that I found the webpage and lightened a candle for his father with a smiley emoji.
Then he said “Otherwise I hope everything is going well with moving shops!” I own a furniture store and he knows we will move to a new showroom this year.

I replied “thank you for letting me now, I’m really touched that your mother appreciated it, that means a lot and also while she is going through this difficult time. How’s she is coping, and your sisters? I’ve been thinking of you all and hope you found the strength to move forward. The shop is not moving as we expected it, found many obstacles in the meantime and the last 3 months were completely idle but it shows now we are about to start renovation works the coming 1-2 weeks, thank you for asking. Hope you’re also taking care.”

He then replied “She is coping well so far. But there are many things going on and it’s going to be a very difficult time for the foreseeable future. But we are getting there.
Oh sorry to hear :/ I was following the updates online and wondered what took so long. I hope it’s going faster now and fingers crossed that you can open soon 🤞🏼’

Then I replied “Yes, I can only imagine… I’m glad to hear your mother is coping as well as she can during such a difficult time. I know there’s so much to navigate after an unexpected loss, but how are you holding up in all this? I imagine it’s been heavy on you too… Even if you might not think about it, it’s been on my mind a lot because I’ve experienced how close and connected your family is. And I hope your Oslo trip will bring you a bit of a breather!

As for the shop, it’s been a slow process, but I’m optimistic things will pick up soon. I appreciate you checking in. 🤞🏻”

He replied ” It’s ok. Was hard to be home for a month and not really escaping from anything. Only a couple of days back in Cyprus. This week I was hunting in Poland which was a very good distraction and good cut after that period. Monday off to Oslo, then Juist where my mother, sister and her boyfriend will be joining too 🙂
If allowed I would also want to see the new store then..
How is everything with you otherwise? ”

Then I replied “I can imagine how hard it’s been, I had exactly this thought for you knowing you so well, that staying home for so long must have felt like life was put on pause. How are you keeping up with work through all this?
Wow, you’ve really been on the move, I hope Poland brought you some peace and a bit of happiness, knowing how much you love hunting. And Juist sounds lovely, I’m sure being with your family there will help, too and sounds exciting.
And yes, if you’re back and want to stop by the new store, of course you can.
As for me, it’s been a challenging couple of months, as you know. And actually, I had a car accident, which really affected me — it wasn’t an easy process, but I’m navigating through it. I’m looking forward to going to the Netherlands next month,I guess in some way, my life has also felt a bit on pause lately.”

He immediately replied “Wait. What happened? Did you suffer serious injuries or what? :/”
I said “Thank God, no injuries. It was my fault, honestly, I got distracted in my thoughts, and the other driver didn’t see me either. Since then, I’ve been trying for about three weeks to get spare parts for my car. Thankfully, the repairs should be done by next month instead of three months. It was hard not to have a car for such a long time.”
And he replied “Now you shocked me. So apart from the collateral nothing happened to you then 🙏
Without a car in Limassol.. I don’t want to think about it” He was glad that nothing happened to me

So from above, firstly I never expected he will text me, second, in the beginning he didn’t show any emotions/feelings, it was a more surface level conversation not digging any deep and basically not asking more or refer to the past.
Then, when he said “if he is allowed to see the new store” this impressed me so much, because first I was happy that he needed permission from me, means that he knows my boundaries and he knows he cannot jump into my life again and be welcome without even trying for anything and he knows that I am not there waiting for him. Also, this shows maybe I am wrong, that maybe he is testing the waters to see if there is any safe space for him to start approaching ? I am not sure.
Because, if he is indeed an avoidant, avoidants do not go in deep at first and say I regret losing you and I miss you etc, they try indirectly like in this case.

What is your opinion? Is this a way for him to come close and start something new?

Thank you
Nafsika

[Nafsika I]

Hello Heide,

I really appreciate your prompt feedback and thank you for supporting me in this difficult situation, I highly appreciate it.

Let me enlighten you a bit more about what I have experienced in these 7 months.

The fact that firstly his last relationship ended so recently before approaching me, it was a red flag for me. This is why I have raised questions from the first dates, that this is a concern for me, and I asked him around 3 times if he is sure about his decision. He told me yes and it was the right decision to do. He mentioned they don’t have any hard feelings and he wished her for example merry christmas last Dec 24, and he asked her if she is well after some examinations she did when we initially started dating. The fact that he was sharing all this it was positive for me. And, his friends asked him in December when we visited his home country, if his ex will ask about him, if they can share that he is seeing someone else. And he said yes it’s totally fine. And I asked him if you are about to learn now she is with someone else, would it bother you? He admited that he would feel weird because she was the person he spent 4 years together. This bothered me a lot. Although I can understand it’s a mixed feeling especially if they ended in good terms which is this case.
Now that he ended our situation, it’s really intense in my mind, maybe he is unresolved feelings with this relationship and was not ready emotionally to receive a new person in his life, although it was his decision and I questioned it many times. He had the chance to be honest and say I am not lookign for a relationship but on the contrary, when we started after 2 months he said let’s see where this take us and I am really curious and I am really looking forward to the future.
All his actions where heading to this direction, his intentions and everything, this is why I never thought we were not a couple. Although, he said in the end it felt we were a couple but for me it’s all about feelings and it’s something missing. I haven’t developed the feelings you developed.
With this statement, I am coming back to what you mentioned that I should never compared. Since with me he doesn’t want to be because of feelings, it means he indeed had feelings with his ex to be a couple. That’s why I don’t really understand why he couldn’t develop for me.
I need to mention here, that he told me he never had a “real” relationship, meaning all his relationships were long distant. And now I am thinking, maybe now where he has a normal situation he was afraid for it?
He even told me it was different with his past relationship, he was having his time to do his things, and having a lot of flexibility. With me as well, but we had the same base in my country. He even admitted that he doesn’t know if this is what he wants to be in a relationship, because when I asked him do you imagine yourself being alone forever he said maybe I don’t know. He is a person who likes to spend time alone, do sports, read his book, watch hockey etc.
Having these in my mind, this might be the reason he didn’t develop the feelings not because something to do with me? He put this wall in front him because of all these in his mind.

Also, he admitted and it was one topic he was working with his therapist, about communicating properly his thoughts. And he mentioned with me this was improved because I made him do it, because I am too expressive and share everything. He said it’s also an issue he had with his previous relationship.
I am wondering whether he indeed not communicated ever his thoughts properly around our situation and share his true feelings. Also, in the moment now with his dad, maybe he didn’t communicate clearly what he really wants about us because of the low energy and the fact that his focus is there now compeletely?

Another issue, which he did not communicate properly but with my help and discussions, we concluded this is a secondary issue.
He admitted he is not planning to settle in my home country and he wants to go back at some point. I mentioned that if we are happy and want to be together the location doesn’t really matter, of course it will be difficult for 1 to make the sacrifice but for example myself I wouldn’t mind to relocate, I have my own business and I am flexible kind of. He said he appreciated this, and it helped him put it aside.
Now, with this incident with his father passed away all of a sudden, and considering how close and connected he is with his family I am afraid he will take this decision now to move there and be with his family, this is why maybe he said this kind of “closure” statement. Now what’s in his mind is to support his mother and the rest and not think about relationships and stuff.

Everything is currently so upside down, I am lost and this pain is not going away. While he mentioned that he enjoyed every moment with me, he was feelings we were a couple, we had chemistry and good connection, it’s really hard to accept that someone with who you had such positive aspects, not to have feelings to be a couple. It’s crazy. Now in 2025 to date is really hard, and it’s really hard to find a good match for you. Things changed, and if you find someone who you feel so good and 100% yourself I cannot really understand why he still choses not live it and let me go.

Sorry for the long message

[Nafsika I]

Hello Heidi,

Thank you so much for all these insights and help, much appreciated.

I thought about the reasons you mentioned. I lean towards the 2nd case where he doesn’t know how to handle his emotions. Although, he grew up in a very loving environment and he is very close with his family and they are all very connected. Therefore, the fact that he is afraid to show emotions because of his past/childhood I don’t think it’s the case. And also, he had a 4 year long distance relationship where I am sure he had feelings otherwise he wouldn’t have gone into this. Why he cannot develop for me?
Also, he was doing therapy and I raised these topics and issue you mentioned above, if he is an avoidant and all this and he said I don’t think so and we discussed it with my therapist. Therefore, if it was the case his therapist would have identified it right and make him work on it.

Today, I learned that his father passed away all of a sudden and although we were in no contact, I had to text him to wish my condolecens and wish him strength in this difficult time and also I met his family back in December.
It was shocking for me as well and he was very thankful for my messages and he mentioned he was about to share this as well with me. Then, he said that I will always have a special place in his heart.
Reading this broke my heart even more because how I translate it is that he was saying to me indirectly that I am sure about my decision, and you will always be in my heart becausue you are a kind person. Oh thank you, it wasn’t needed I said to myself.
I mentioned to him that I wish I could be there for him to support him, but under the circumstances I can only show my empathy and give my strength.
And because of this message I think he tried to be kind to say this. It’s like we will not talk again and I will always remember you.
It hurts so much. On the other hand, I thought this is a really tough time for him and of course he is not ready to discuss anything around our situation and I should not overthink and interpret it in many other negative ways. I really don’t know what to think.

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