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Heidi
I agree with some and disagree with other points. As an employee of my heart …. He was an excellent employee for years, always went above and beyond what was asked, until he felt he couldn’t win. One day when we had an argument, I told him I wasn’t happy. That ended the relationship, for him. I was just saying let’s do better. So now you ask why I wasn’t happy and the reason was he was scared and was pulling away and I did what I always did, pulled away too. It wento. A few months and neither of us knew how to stop it. So even though we were still in love, he ended it. Now, I’m not saying it was all my fault or all his (in the beginning I did blame him). It takes 2. I do love myself and guard my heart, giving it to only a couple of men in my 62 years. Unfortunately, neither of us had the skills to make it work. I know that since we broke up 10 months ago, I have allowed him to treat me badly. I’m doing better with that but I also miss my friendship with him. So I stay in contact but have put a chain around my heart again. I have taken time to get to know myself again and enjoy my life. I would like him in it, but I don’t think that will happen for anything more than friendship. And that is okayHi
It makes perfect sense to me. I know for a time, a few years actually, he let me in and got close, it must have scared him. That’s when he started getting upset about things I said. Unfortunately, he’s still getting scared and will run anytime he feels something for me. I’ve read this hot and cold thing keeps me addicted and I believe it because I have such a difficult time not thinking about him. I think about him and worry about him (I believe he’s depressed and given up) all the time. I know I need to step away from him, but there’s always this little voice that says “what if”. I also know how I felt those few months I was in no contact. I’m no longer holding out for him, I just want to be a part of his life, as friends, I just don’t know if he can even do that.Thanks for responding. It makes sense because his mother wasn’t a positive person in his childhood. He has been married a few times and divorced.. a red flag that I ignored. I was pretty sure he pulls away when he gets too close and he would say it’s because I was getting too close. We had 4 years together and the first couple were great. Then he started to sabotage it by getting upset with me over nothing. The fights started happening more often until he walked away and it seemed convenient, something he was working towards. He still says he’s not happy about the breakup and doesn’t want a relationship with anyone but I know he dates and I’m sure has sex probably as an ego boost, just like with me. I know he still cares, and still loved me when he ended it. It hurts less now than it did. I just have to be aware of my splits so I don’t fall back into his web.
