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Thank you so much Heidi, I so appreciate your insight. And I’m really impressed at the time you give to the responses on all the threads I’ve read, it’s wonderful and so generous.

I have been wrestling with this, because you’re right, if he can’t get better and be available, as much as considering this possibility hurts, neither of us would be happy. It could ruin some really beautiful memories, and lead to a lot of pain. At some point, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I really hope he finds what he needs to get better, in so many ways he’s such a beautiful person and I just wish he believed that of himself.

As far as not settling, you’re right. Although I love so much who he is and everything we’ve shared, I wouldn’t be truly happy unless he heals and has the capacity to love me fully. I’m trying to approach the idea of any future relationship, whether with him healed or someone else yet unknown, with not wanting to settle for someone I don’t respect at this level, because I know from my past relationships, this is so required for me to feel love this deeply, and now that I know that I can feel this I don’t want anything else. I’d rather be single and available to meet someone who I can respect and love this way, than to be in a relationship with someone who I feel anything less for. I just don’t know if I’ll find that. I hope I will.

I am hoping, regardless of whether we have a romantic future or not, that I can somehow nudge him toward seeking help. I really don’t know how to do this. I am hoping to have the chance to see him in a few weeks, and hopefully we can have one of our deep conversations like we used to. He might be most open to finding support through the faith community near him, which he might be more receptive to because his faith is very important to him. He deserves such a beautiful life, and I just hope he finds a way to it.

You are right, this is so deeply painful to love someone so much and not know how to help. And I don’t want to cause more pain.

Thank you again, Heidi. I appreciate your guidance and perspective. It really helps.

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