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Yes, breaking it off via text isn’t ideal. I feel like I am better at communicating if I can write things down. Sometimes in person, it doesn’t come out the way I intend. That is the only reason I did so that way. We had an in person conversation a couple weeks after the text and I felt like I tripped over my words still, I don’t feel like I really communicated anything effectively during that talk. I know that I asked him what his thoughts were and if he thought it was the right or wrong thing to break it off. He said that he felt it was done now and didn’t want to further complicate things. Overall I just have reservations that if I would have implemented some of the things I’ve now learned of it would have been different. I could have been more patient. Maybe it wouldn’t have been different but now I will never know and I think I hurt him more than he will admit. I think this girl he’s spending time with is just convenient. I like to think he wanted someone to replace the constant communication that we had. I know it’s hard for me to not have that daily interaction where you’re excited about someone’s texts. In a nutshell, no I don’t feel like I communicated effectively but he’s closed off now to that idea so I don’t know that I will get the chance.
Side note: I don’t believe she was ever invited to the play dates at the trampoline park with our mutual friends, it just happened and then I think she started coming more frequently because she knew he would be there, it’s a small town and running into people you know at this park is not uncommon.
I broke up with him in January. Middle of the month approx. He didn’t seem devastated but also this was via text. I may have forgotten to mention what really made me want to and worry he wouldn’t love me the way I wanted was the girl, he’s now “hanging out” with, thought I was his sister. That to me said he wasn’t giving off the impression to other women that he wasn’t “with me” when he was with me. Also this was around his children at our local trampoline park which was a weekly thing. So I know her because of that, and that she went to high school with him. He had spoken of a “stuck up” girl he went to school with several months back that had tried to talk to him at his son’s baseball game. I don’t know if it was the same girl because I never asked her name. I didn’t care tbh. We are “friends” but it’s not the same as how we’re were before. We don’t communicate everyday like we used to. I’ve reached out a handful of times, and he’s been the one to reach out a few, but not like before. One time was him complimenting my new hair color, another was him saying he hoped I had fun picking up my son from the airport (after my son spent a couple weeks with his father out of state) and lastly was asking me if I wanted him to sign my son up for the next session of swim lessons, as we still have a YMCA membership together. I don’t know if he considers this girl as someone he’s dating as I now Know just how slowly he goes in relationships. I could be wrong, it feels like they are together with how infrequently we now speak but it could also be he just needs space to evaluate. Do any of those instances that he did reach out signify maybe we have another chance? I’ve obviously been trying to learn about relationships and how men work and based on what Ive learned, I feel I was too hasty to break things off for fear of being hurt. Maybe he was just operating as a man would who isn’t in a hurry? He’s more than okay being alone with his kids it appears based on his behavior for the whole time I’ve known him.
He told me that he “didn’t see himself changing his life” at that time. I know he wasn’t happy but he was comfortable/content I guess. He is a fantastic father and that’s what I really fell in love with. My young son’s father was very selfish and didn’t want to participate in parenting while my son was an infant. Seeing someone I already liked as a person also be an amazing dad who does the absolute most for his kids touched me and then how he was with my son when we would all spend time together. Seeing a man be so sweet to my son meant the world. His gf (youngest sons mom) wasn’t active in the kids life from what I observed. Very introverted I guess and didn’t go out and do things with him and his boys. I unintentionally fell into that roll somewhat and enjoyed every second of it and the feeling of “family”. I grew attached to his kids as well. He told me that he would always be a little jealous of anyone I was with but I told him I’d had feelings for years and they weren’t reciprocated. He told me he felt the same and was very conflicted. I was not with this new person for very long, more of a couple week fling that I was going to give a chance. I broke off the fling before my ex had left his gf because of my own feelings and it not being fair to the new guy in my opinion.
My ex seemed to pursue me and we talked and I said that if he was serious he needed to end it with the gf and gave a timeline because it wasn’t fair for me to be in limbo any longer. So he did have the talk and ended things by the timeline.
Once we became official, our time spent together in front of his kids/other friends I didn’t feel like his gf. He didn’t want to tell his boys right away and i completely understood that however the secret part of it and not being able to show any sort of affection in public got to me. That’s what changed. I didn’t like that it felt like a secret and he seemed distant so it wasn’t obvious that he left one person for another so fast. He had agreed to tell the boys at the beginning of the new year but when it came, he said he wasn’t ready. I feared he’d never be ready and again I felt like I was still in limbo and we couldn’t truly be an “us” till he told them because it affected his behavior in public situations which were more prevalent than the time we got to spend alone.
I would say I want a family and I want a partner who wants to do things with our kids. That’s what was so attractive to me. I just don’t feel I’ve ever met someone who is so devoted to their kids.He was in more of a roommate situation with his long term gf. I met her one time throughout our friendship. She didn’t like to go things with him and his kids, one of which was hers. I have a young son and slowly we started doing things together like parks and things like that. I told him of my feelings about a year into our friendship and he said that we couldn’t ever be more than friends. About another year later I had started to see someone else and told him that our friendship would probably have to be different. We were very close. He looked disappointed and jealous. I told him that I’ve had feelings all this time and it wasn’t going to progress. He confessed the same feelings and we had a good talk and agreed to stay in each other’s lives on a more limited capacity. I bet the next couple weeks he put forth more of an effort to spend time with me, helped me with house projects and I felt closer than ever. He agreed he would have a talk with his youngest sons mom and asked if we had a chance if they broke up. I know he was conflicted because that was his sons mom but they did break up. I asked if he needed time to process everything but he said he was all mine and I guess I ran with it.
He didn’t want to spend the same amount of time together as I felt we should. I didn’t think I was asking for anything crazy but maybe my expectations were too high? We did group stuff together with his kids and mutual friends but it wasn’t the same as spending time without the kids because he wasn’t ready to tell them we were officially dating, therefore he didn’t act “boyfriend-like” in my opinion. Just buddies is what it felt like or even at times more distant even though we were together AFTER we agreed to date. Being friends for 2 previous years while he was with a long term gf, I was around his kids a lot. I felt I had at least a solid friendly relationship with them. Lots of daily communication however initiated by him 98% of the time.
