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Hello Heidi,
I just checked this forum as I had been busy and still overwhelmed by all this that is going on. I hear you and I am opened to advice and coaching. Please send the contact details to my email.
How he came about marrying this lady is a long story… it was basically a scam situation. It happens often in Asia. He married her because she got pregnant and he just wanted to do the right thing. How toxic this lady is, is beyond anyone’s imagination. I do undertstand as I have seen many of these cases here. He did not have the bandwidth to deal with it anymore. Or perhaps like you said he is weak. I actually found out how bad it was after 6months into the relationship.
I really do not know how to bring out the feminine side of me… sounds too difficult. At the moment, I just wish I can stop hurting and move on. FYI he did not agree to me moving out… nothing was mentioned since then. I can see some effort from him but it is still like a roller-coaster ride. It is painful to live with a partner whose life goals have shifted.
Just a little bit of background. He is super alpha male. Ambitious and passionate but yet critical. I am an alpha female and am the calm one and very independent. For all these years, I was the strong one emotionally supporting him through the divorce as well as offer my advice for his many career challenges. I did not and still do not know how to work the hero instinct but am trying my best. However, at 46 yrs old I think it is really hard to be that lady. He used to buy me gifts, bring home food but I was always complaining. The presents were not to my liking, and I found it waste of money.. The food was always too much. “Stop buying me anything. I can buy whatever I like myself”. I did not know that it actually made him feel disrespected but I learnt and stopped.
I was in the top management team and hence, very used to being the one who was problem solving and charging ahead. That is required of a leader at work. What is wrong with that though? What is wrong is that I end up being too independent, Ms know-in-all and Ms resourceful. As i read through the secret obsession, I found myself thinking “oh boy, this is hard. so much is expected of a woman in a relationship?” We need to be independent, interesting, presentable, take care of our looks, be understanding and supportive, yet be demure and know how to behave with a man and so forth….
However, I came to terms with it. In order to keep a relationship going, I will have to practise what I learn in this course. Right.. I think as long as there is still love, we will keep on trying. If love is lost, then it all does not make any sense.
