[Gee]

Hi Spyce,

Appreciate your inputs.

I just read this and I actually acknowledge the break up prior to reading this.

Why did I accept the break up:
– I love him and respect his decisions. I admire his courage of being honest with me and I know that it was difficult for him too.
– This is what we might need: for him to focus on his healing and making himself stable (he has a kid, single dad, and he has to prioritize providing for his child). I also need to focus on my healing as I am still undergoing therapy on my PTSD caused by my abusive past relationship.

Why did it take long for us to meet?
– We were just best friends and didn’t pursue any romantic relationship during our friendship. We were just happy. We both live in two different countries, like 10k miles away. We were just enjoying our friendship and I was in an on/off relationship with my ex. When my ex and I had finally broken up for good, he found that as an opportunity to express his feelings for me. He told me that he has been loving me since the early days of our friendship but he doesn’t want to overstep our boundaries as bestfriends. He had hope that me and my ex will still work out. He is not the type of person who will flirt with someone who is in a committed relationship. So when we got the chance to finally meet in person (because of our work), that’s when the romance blossom.

How do I really and truly know what’s going on in his life?
– We have always been there for each other when we were bestfriends. We did not meet in a dating app or something (I’m not into these dating apps). We used to work together in the same company, we closely work together in a lot of task although it was remote. We always talk to each other, we are always updated with the things going on with our lives. We may be distance apart, but we are emotionally connected. Maybe, there are still things that I do not know because of our distance, it’s just that we have always been transparent when we were bestfriends.

It’s difficult, yes and I think this is what’s best for the two of us. We have an agreement that if our LDR doesn’t work, we can always go back to being bestfriends. I assured him that although we have broken up, I am always here to support him emotionally just as when we were bestfriends.

Whether he is my person or not, our friendship has always been beautiful and I will always cherish that in my heart.

[Gee]

Hi Heidi,

So he responded and he said that he was thinking on how to make our LDR work and he can’t see a way anymore since he was laid off. At the same time, he has to focus on finding a job soon to make both ends meet. He said sorry that he has to be in that situation and that he loves me so much that I deserve better than this. He mentioned that we can remain friends if I like. He said that I’m worthy to be loved and be treated right.

So, it looks like that he is breaking up with me? Before we jumped into our relationship, I was in a toxic relationship wherein my ex was jobless the entire relationship. My boyfriend was always there to support me and he witnessed how difficult it was for me to deal with my jobless and abusive ex.

Now that he become jobless, it looks like he feels like I don’t deserve him anymore.

I love him so much that I want to stay in our relationship. I told him that I’m here to support him and it’s okay not to think about our relationship. However, at the back of my mind, I’m questioning myself if I should let him go and respect his decision to break up with me while he work on getting through his difficult situation? And maybe, is this a will a God so both me and boyfriend will have time to focus on improving ourselves.

I don’t know what to do next.

[Gee]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for the validation of our good relationship. Sometimes, when things get tough, we tend to forget that there’s something good about certain things in our lives like our relationships.

I just sent him a voice text. I asked how he was and told him that I am here no matter what. I told him how I appreciate him especially during my lowest times, wherein he rescued me from a very traumatic past relationship (this was when we were still bestfriends), and reminded him that he is and will always be my hero and I can be his suitable helper. I assured him that I respect if he isn’t ready to talk yet and I’m here when he is.

I’m hoping that he could find a replacement job soon so he can go back to his feet again.

I appreciate your help Heidi! I will update this thread once I hear back from my boyfriend.

[Gee]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for your response and I trully appreciate it. Let me answer your questions:

Have you guys ever met in person? How long have you been together:
We started as colleagues, then friends, then bestfriends for half a decade. We always have feelings for each other since we started our friendship but we’re both uncertain about moving out of the friendzone due to geographical difference. He was always been there for me, and I for him. We didn’t only support each other in our personal lives but with our work too. We’ve grown to love each other as bestfriends. Until we had the chance to meet in person and that’s when we decided to enter into a committed relationship. We started planning our next in person meet up, the frequency, and planned about getting together permanently. He always tells me that he will take care of me and we will be together again pretty soon. We’ve been romantically together for several months now. Our friendship is so beautiful and whenever we remember how we started, we’re both grateful and excited for our relationship

When you guys have had arguments, does he tend to push you away and put his walls up??
We are very open when it comes to arguments; we talk about it and try to resolve it right there and then. He doesn’t want to let minutes, hours, or days pass as he wants us to make this LDR work so he would insist to resolve any issues in our relationships as soon as possible. He put in so much effort in our relationship and I reward him for doing so with my love, support, and faithfulness

He started pulling away when he started having issues with his job, not because of me or something–I know because he has always been honest with me and reassures me that he loves me and we always text everyday to keep the connection. Although the attention he used to give differs compared to when we were started dating and when his job was okay, my instincts believe that he was just busy to meet all the deadlines and stress from his work.

One time, he asked for a space for a couple of days because he felt like that he isn’t himself. I thought, I was the cause so I told him that I’m fine if we go back to being bestfriends again; but then he responded that he loves me and wants to be with me and that it’s not about me at all; that he needs space to think and get his energy back. So I told him that I am gonna wait for him and I am always here. Then the next day, he texted back and was excited to share that he’s feeling better and he appreciates that I understand him.

One time during our video call, I felt like he’s really not feeling good. So I asked and he opened up about his work. I was actually meaning to ask for his help but I held back because I felt like it can wait and it appears that he has more serious issues to deal at work.

Then one day, he texted me that he was laid off. Since then, we haven’t talked yet because I am waiting on him.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by Gee.

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