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When we talk, I feel I am very careful on what I say and how I say it. I don’t want him to think that I am trying to get him to change. He tells me so much like he needs to talk to someone. Today , we talked and it was half business and half about the holiday weekend. He said he didn’t call last night because it was late 9:15 driving home after 12 hours in a meeting. I thanked him for that but I reminded him that he woke me up the night before that with his text message at 10. We both laughed. I told him he could call anytime to talk and he said he would. I have been trying not to call and I haven’t yet. My friend that knows him says , he doesn’t know how to be in a relationship because he only knows how to work and be successful in that. I want him to feel that I am a special friend and when he needs to talk that I am here. I am not giving up on him but I have started to talk to some other men. The more I think what he did to me I feel very hurt but I also remember what it was like before he got scared and put the wall up.
Hi Heidi, well the last few weeks have been different. I have not called or texted him and last week he called me three times. He told me that he would be home Tuesday night and I could call him but what for? Should I call him or wait until he calls me. I don’t want him to think that I don’t care.
I am trying to play it cool and let him reach out to me. Well, he did call tonight and we talked a little business and then about what we were doing . He sounded like he wanted to talk about anything. I found out more about his job and why he is so busy with it. I am stepping back and letting him reach out more to me if he wants to talk. This week I am on vacation and keeping myself busy.
Today was the morning to see Patrick. I dressed for him to notice me and my hair was in its place. Boy did he look good. He was wearing a navy blue sport coat , khaki pants and a stripped blue shirt. The last time I saw him (3 months ago) he was completely bald. He is now growing some of his hair back. We talked a little when we had to agree on something’s but the tension was there. When he called last night to ask about the time,I asked him how he was doing. He usually says good or great but this time was different. So after the meeting we walked out together and I thanked him again for coming with me. I truly needed him to listen as I was overwhelmed with the questions being asked. I turned and went to my car and he went to his. Tonight I had some questions to get clear in my head and I texted him to see if we could talk. He asked if he could call me tomorrow as he was going to a clam bake. I said to him I hope he wasn’t wearing the same outfit because he looked nice in it. He then went on to tell me how he had to pack another set of clothes because he had ruined several good pants before when he didn’t change. We texted like before as old friends. Talked about clothes instead of a one word reply.
I have to see him one last time. I am ready for the meeting. I know what kind of person I am and he is going to miss our friendship. I could tell he was enjoying himself talking and laughing. I am moving on knowing there is someone else out there that will think I am special and I can make them feel special. Would I like to go out with him , yes and would I love to talk and laugh again with him , yes. But it would have to be on my terms.
I sit and think does he miss our talks as much as I do or is he hiding from all that. This will be an interesting closure. 6 days and counting.Wow!! I needed that. With my rose color glasses on I felt he was the one but after what he did when he returned was amazing. I knew I did not give him a chance to digest what I asked him about how he felt. But nothing except the reply it was business and honesty and communication was our strengths we talked about in this relationship. I will be ready for the meeting and when I leave he will wonder why He screwed up. I guess this is how a divorce feels. He is there and you can talk to him but won’t and can’t. I have to much pride for me to say again “I am sorry” when it takes two to tango.
I am reading all of the sessions and learning a lot. I know there is someone out there for me. I will update this in 7 days. Thank you for everything you said.
