[Cathy S]

Hi Spyce, I have been sitting back thinking about my life and what I really wanted out of it. I have a new me. I am down 35 lbs and still going. I like myself and think anyone that would like me would be lucky. Oh yes, my friend is still around. He has been calling more and texting also. The last time he saw me was in October for his birthday. We went out again between Christmas and New Year’s for lunch. He was on vacation that week and was staying in town. I had to meet him at a restaurant and he got there before me. When I got there and found him , I walked towards him. He gave me a once over look with a big smile on his face and a Hi!. He noticed that I looked a little different and to his liking. He told the waitress we were in no hurry to order , we had all day. He asked me if I ever drink. I explained I do but when I drive I don’t. He then said he hadn’t forgotten about buying me my special gum which can only be purchased in a candy store out of town. Then said, it’s been almost two years since John(my late husband) died. Was he testing my reaction or trying to say two years and we are still speaking to each other. I read items from be irresistible and I can see that he is trying to improve but it’s a slow process. I am happy with the situation right now. I want to lose more weight and I have found other things to do with my life. He needs some time to want me and learn what to do and I need some time to better myself. My question to you – what do you think the reason was that he brought up almost 2 years?
You always give me things to think about.

Thanks, Happy New Year.
Cathy

[Cathy S]

Hi Spyce,

Well, he did it again. The walls are up. I sit here and think 4 days ago everything was fine and talking about going out , laughing and now. The call last night reminded me of what happen in July. Like he couldn’t laugh and said maybe he might have time to go out next week. What is so scary about being friends and just enjoying each other company. I asked is something wrong? Everything is great. Couldn’t be better. Then why do I feel like I just got kicked to the curb. Please tell me what I should do. I have something that he needs, should I just mail it to him or wait to see if he calls and this will pass? Help!

Just me

[Cathy S]

Hi Spyce, Well he did it again and I fell for it. Everything was going great, he was the one calling, we talked, laughed and then like the wall went back up around him. He said he was a new guy and even acted more like he wanted to move forward. He called Sunday afternoon and we talked about everything and he said he was very thankful that I cared about him and showed him what to do to help his pain in his knee. He said , I will call you Tuesday or Wednesday about going out to get pizza on Thursday or Friday and then he thanked me again. On Tuesday, he sent a Happy Halloween and a little inside joke. It was like something happened and I don’t know what. Is he sick, busy at work or got to friendly on Sunday. I tell myself you asked for it and what ever time he can give you I should be happy with but when you get your hopes up that you will see him and then fall flat on you face —— it hurts. I have been getting out more but I don’t see any guys that I would think of going out with. I know it’s not over. He will call and I will act like nothing is bothering me. Why are guys like this. Any comments will help even I told you so
PS He mention he might join me for Thanksgiving.

Waiting patiently

Just me.

[Cathy S]

Hi Spyce,
I met my husband at my sister’s wedding after coming out of a relationship of 4 years. I thought my ex was the one I would marry but one night he said he wasn’t sure and wanted to take a break. I was devastated. The night I met my husband was love at first sight. An older couple asked us if we were married and we both looked at each other and said “ Not yet”. 6 months later we walked down the aisle. My ex came twice to my house and just sat there. He found me one night before I got married and wanted to try and work things out. My answer was no. I was married to my husband for 46 years. He owned his own business and was very stressful at first. I always came second but I excepted that life. I had a miscarriage after saving a child from drowning. After 3 years, we adopted a little girl. We had a good life with her until she became 18. Anyhow, she had a son at the age of 20 and left him with me. My husband and I adopted him so he could have a safe and happy life. Anyhow, to answer your question, we had a daughter and son. My husband always took the children on vacation and we did go without them. I had a good life.

I can see why I understand Patrick and his career being important and no time for anyone. I am use to coming in 2nd or 3rd. I sit here now wondering if my life is going to be lonely. I truly would like to enjoy someone.

I am starting to take care of myself. Losing 30 lbs and having a few more to go. My question to you is when someone says “ your not my type” What does a guy mean? Looks, brains or what? How can someone enjoy talking, laughing and smiling when they are with you and say that.

Waiting to hear your thought.

Just Me

[Cathy S]

One of the best things I have done is backing off and letting him call me more. He called last night. I bought him something for his birthday and he got it in the mail. He was so happy about it. We talked about what he was doing this weekend. One day off and flying out on Sunday for a seminar for three days. He talked about his daughter and what she was doing. We talked about his week and how busy he has been. I feel good talking to him and discussing things that he knows that I am concerned about regarding his health. He is letting me in a little but I don’t push him like before. We talked about getting together again but I don’t see that any time soon. I am just happy with talking to him and showing him that I am concerned about him. I feel like you said he could stop the calling and text me a yes or no reply or a one sentence statement but instead he calls. I am happy with the time he can give me and maybe we can move on to more time together. I never thought an older man would be so hard to get to know but I can tell he is set in his ways. He said his secretary says , he marches to a different beat. I truly agree with her. I enjoy your thoughts and they help me think on what I should and should not be doing. I don’t want another conflict like we had in July. I thought it was over then. Thank you again and any words of wisdom I will take. Cathy

[Cathy S]

Hi Spyce, I hope he wants to keep this relationship going. Right now slow is best but I always wonder if he kinda cares. I don’t understand men at this age. I guess I wonder if I am doing things that will keep him interested in talking to me when you can’t talk about serious things. Just confused I guess. Thanks . Just me.

[Cathy S]

What he had to tell me could of been taken care of on the phone. He is the one that said we could have dinner first. After he left and did his school business he texted me when he got home. The next day I wished him HB on his day and he did reply with a thank you and a funny comment. I know we will have many more calls to talk about goofy things and that is ok with me. I am learning about him and what he thinks about things. I guess I just need some feed back on moving forward with a slow pace relationship which is ok for me right now. He had over a year to stop the calls or the text but he didn’t.

[Cathy S]

Well, yesterday we went out. I wasn’t nervous but on edge on what to talk about to not to make is serious. We have had some good phone calls with a lot of talking and laughing. I made a toast – to good friends and Happy Birthday tomorrow. He was surprised that I knew and he did say yes with the friends toast. We talked about my new life style, walking , eating and what he needs to change. He was interested what I could tell him. We shared our food and drinks and had a good time. He had to leave at a certain time to go back to work so I told him I needed him to come into the house for a few minutes. Few days before we talked about his favorite ice cream so I found it and his second favorite with Snowballs Hostess cupcake to put the numbers on them. He was surprised. Then I gave him his present of juggling balls. He told me on another call he liked to juggle. He was happy and said he would have to go home and practice and then perform for me. I don’t think he has a relationship with anyone else like this. He laughs and smiles but eye contact was different. He made sure that he would look at me but then look down. I had to push him out the door for him to get to where he had to go. In 1 hour he texted me and said he got home and remembered to put the ice cream in the freezer. A friend told me that if I wanted to see him or talk to him then it has to be on his time frame. He just got home from AZ a 5 day business meeting and now 3 days in Vermont for business. If I get to see him and talk to him like we are doing again then I am satisfied. My soul tells me to stick with him. I am waiting for him to contact me next. All the business is done so now it’s a friendship relationship and the next step is ?…?.?

[Cathy S]

Well, in 6 days we will meet again. Maybe for the last time and maybe not. I plan on having a good time and not putting any stress on the evening.

[Cathy S]

We had a fabulous time last week talking and laughing about everything. He said goofy things that I would not picture him saying. Then he called me and very quietly said I will call you back real soon. This voice I never heard and don’t want to because it was so sexy and sincere. And he called me back and told me where he was and what he was doing. His birthday is coming up and I don’t know to play it as any other day or make it a big deal for him. (I know how it feels when your birthday just goes by ). I tell myself there is no chance of this being anymore then a friendship but then I feel like someone is telling me not to give up. I need some words of wisdom. Thanks

[Cathy S]

Well, last night we talked or should I say we laughed for 30 minutes. He hurt his knee and told me last week he used some strawberry gel on it but it didn’t work. I was concerned but then I realized he was teasing me. Last night all we did was laugh like kids about anything and everything. He told me things that I don’t know to believe him or not but he was so funny. He had a good time. He talked to me but wouldn’t be able to talk like that with anyone else. If we can just keep a relationship going like this for awhile then I will be happy. He lifts me up when I am down and puts a smile on my face for days. I am trying to remember everything I read from James. Taking care of myself and trying to have him remember me has someone that is enjoying life. Any suggestions for the next few calls and I will be seeing him in the next few weeks about business. I don’t give up until ………. He is a good friend.

[Cathy S]

Hi Spyce, He has been divorced for 12 years. They waited until their daughter was out of school. He is not the type to complain about anything. He said to me once everyone thinks everything is great with me because I smile and am happy all the time but that’s not always true. I told him I understood and will listen whenever he needed to talk. He knows I have problems with my kids also. I just need to say a few words and he tells me every little detail about his day or what happen during the weekend. I am happy to just listen right now. I still feel a little scared to talk about things because it’s suppose to be business talk but it surely isn’t from his side.

Please tell me how to bring the just want to be friends subject up. I have mention that lately with just a few words that you can call me if you need some help( he injured his knee ) because we are friends. He is not use to having someone to help him. He said I keep on plugging along and things will get better. When I get him to laugh I know that he is coming out of his shell but then he goes right back in , like he is scared to have fun .

I am not sitting at home waiting for him to change. I have signed up with some classes and he was kinda surprise that I was doing them.

He had to have some feelings until he went on vacation and then something or someone got him to think about being his old self and not to make time for having some fun. If we could only be friends and talk and laugh and maybe go out to eat once in a few months , I would be happy.

Waiting for more of your thoughts. I don’t give up on a friendship when I know it’s good for two people
Thanks, Me

[Cathy S]

Hi Spyce,
You hit the problem right on. His marriage destroyed him. Then with his first born with a handicap was not anything a man would want but he is the one that is a good parent. I always told him that. He put work in his life instead of a relationship. He doesn’t have many friends because of his work.

He was in my life at the time that I wanted someone to talk to. It was safe for me and then when we went out and had a good time that made me feel that he needed my company as well as I needed his. I know it was a shock for him to hear how I felt from that night so he said whatever that came to him. If he didn’t feel anything that night and during the following months then he doesn’t have any feelings .

But what really hurt is when he said your not my type. I didn’t think a friendship had any restriction to it. At our age , looks is not everything( and I am not that ugly) but it’s what is in your heart and soul that really matters.

I have to see him again regarding some business that he volunteered to help me with. I am hoping that something will trigger the memories of the fun we shared and could still have.

I appreciate your thoughts .

Just Me – Cathy

[Cathy S]

I feel Patrick was sent to me by fate. I only met him three times in 46 years. Once I met his family and twice was a wave hello. I would of never thought of dating him after my husband’s death. And for the first 9 months I saw him him three times and nothing and I understand that it was to soon but once the fog cleared my head and we started talking and texting more about just fun stuff I became more interested. Yes he did enjoy the conversations we had and I never heard someone laugh so hard on the silly things I said. He was like another person with no walls. When I finally confronted him, he said he was doing this because my husband asked thru me to help with one question I had about retirement. My husband hadn’t talked to Patrick in several years but he felt Patrick would help me. I have called him and he has called several times with some type of business conversation and then it gets into our normal fun talk. He makes sure that I know what he is doing for work and family time. I feel he needs a friend to talk with as well as I do. I am in no hurry to have a relationship but would like to be more comfortable talking since I opened up on how I felt that night which scared him. He is a workaholic and that gives him more pleasure then a relationship. I want to show him he can have his work and a friend too. Thank you for giving me your outlook .

[Cathy S]

But isn’t there a way to show him how life could be within a relationship? I learned that they don’t remember what you wore or what you said but how you made them feel. He has to remember the laughing and craziness we both shared. If he finds someone that makes him happy then I would feel hurt but happy for him because I only want the best for him.

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