[Tahirih S]

It’s understandable that when you consistently see someone and they are paying you attention, that you can start to feel interested in them, even if you weren’t before?Were you not attracted to him at first and then you became attracted, or was it more than you just decided to give him a try?
I really wasnt attracted to him because I was involved with the guy before him, but to be honest, I have always had it in my mind that I wouldnt talk to anyone who worked for the same company because if things didnt work out, then it could probably be a little uncomfortable seeing one another….of course that backfired on me.

Wondering if you were cautious at first because of your breakup and not wanting to get involved again? I really was being very cautious because I was fearful of getting hurt and look what happened. Sometimes I feel as if it’s not meant for me to fall in love because things never seem to go right although, I give my all. I’m not saying that he didn’t give his all because he is a very sweet man. I could never ever take that from him and I have nothing against him, just wondering why he couldn’t talk to me.

Before we move on to this current guy, let’s talk about this previous partner that you were living with as it sounds very similar to what just happened, although on obviously a much larger scale. With the man in 2021, how long were you living together?

We lived together for a year and 7 months.

How long did you know him before he moved in?We knew it other 3 or 4 years before that. He was in the process of getting a divorce when we met each other and we started talking, but because they were still together and I was in relationship that had its problems I told him ( my ex) the one I lived with that I wanted to try to work it out with the other guy. We left each other alone and didn’t talk for a year..then we linked up again, broke it off for 7 months and that’s when he moved in with me. We dod well when his ex wife didnt try to give him sob stories about his children. I felt as if he was jumping to her every beat so we would exchange words often.

Was there an altercation? Did anything happen? Did you try to communicate with him after?
One day we have a big fall out because I told him that she was making a fool out of him…he got mad and left, when he came back he started packing his clothes and left. we didnt conversate for a while, a good while.

As much as I don’t believe in chasing anyone, I do believe in closure. And if someone just runs away, I don’t think it’s wrong to run after them and demand that they tell you what happened. You won’t always get an answer but I personally could never sit back and just say, oh well. So how did things go with that previous relationship? Were you ever able to find out what happened on his end? Were you ever able to get closure?
He avoided my calls and text and then all of a sudden began to call to check up on my child and I. I never found out what happened, but he did eventually apologize. I never got I’m sorry for, just an I’m sorry. I took that because he is very prideful.

Which brings us to the current situation. It is strange how he is behaving, but not necessarily shocking, as men are cowards, and run away all the time for no reason at all that we can see. So first, I just want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you. Whatever he is going through that is causing him to act like this is not your fault. Because his actions are not that of a man of integrity, they are the actions of a man who is a coward.

So really at this point, it’s up to you as to what you want to do in the situation. Trying to win him back is not worth your time. He’s shown you that he’s a weak person who will not be there for you for the long haul, and if that’s the case, why waste any time with him at all? However I can understand wanting to get closure, or wanting to confront him. How are you feeling about your next moves?
I’m not sure what I want to do because deep down inside my gut…I feel as if God sent him to me. I feel like he is suppose to be my husband, but at the same time..I’m done chasing after him because I know that I did nothing wrong. It is puzzling my mind because we did things together and got along so well. Everyone was soooo happy that new we were talking. No one has ever spoke an ill word about him that’s why it’s shocking. I do know that everyone has there downfall because we are not perfect. When I say I miss this man because he has done more for me that any other guy. I have never has a man who I have dated just do things for me without me asking. I’m just lost for words.

[Tahirih S]

Hello Coach Spyce,

Is there any particular reason why you began to pay attention to this man now, even though you’ve been at the job for 3 years?
Yes, he always would stop by my room to visit me and just say hello when he would he reported to Central Office to pick something up or turn in a report. I’ve also had his number for a year, but never used it until 5 months ago.

Is there any particular reason why you began to pay attention to this man now, even though you’ve been at the job for 3 years?
Yes, I began to notice how nice and respectible he was not just to me but, to everyone that he had some type of encounter with.

What made you notice him after all this time?
I guess curiosity drew me towards him. I kept saying to myself, why not give him a try, maybe this go around just might be right.

Was there anything in particular that happened or changed in your life? I was recovering from a break-up that occurred in 2021 and had finally got myself back on track from that occurence. We actually were living together. He moved in and one day just decided that he wanted to leave..so he packed his things up and left. That relationship took me through, I felt so alone to the point where I didn’t want to function in life. I cried everyday throughout the day. Lost weight because I wasn’t eating, all I wanted to do was sleep. I felt betrayed, lost, hurt, angry and so many other things.

You also said: We began to casually get close to one another going on dates and just spending time with one another.
Does that mean that you were dating? Were you intimate? Was it more friendly?
Yes, we had started dating and were intimate. He met my child, cook for her graduation celebration met and spent a couple of hours with my dad.

So what did happen? How did he ghost you? Did he just stop talking to you? What’s happened since? June 4th over 2 months ago…have you been in contact with him?
Where are you at now with the situation?
One Sunday after I got out of Church, I called him. He told me that he was leaving to take his great uncle to meet his daughter because his great uncle wanted to ride with his grandchild and daughter to a college that sje had been excepted to. I told him I wanted to go but he stated it would take me too long to get to where they were because his uncle had to be at the meeting point by 4 and it was already pushing on 2 pm. He told me that he would call me back because he was pumping some gas. Hours went by and I decided to contact him just to check on him, but I got no response. Hours continued to go by, then days and a week. I continued trying to call and text, but no word until the 13th of July when I texted him and told him just let me hear your voice to know that you’re ok. So he called and said now you hear my voice can I call you back in 30 minutes..but of course you know there was no call. I didn’t hear from him anymore and last Tuesday, i returned back to work. We had to attend trainings and Pre-Service for work on last Wednesday and Thursday. I saw him both days. Our eyes met on that Wednesday through the crowds and he vanishedinto mid air. Later on that day I ran into him and flipped my hands at him then said hello Marvell. He said hello and walked off. I tried to text and call until I just said forget it. I truly miss him, but I guess he just didn’t care for me. What’s crazy is we were getting along so well.

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