[Enkhjin T]

Thanks so much for your kind advice. I will always keep what you said in my mind. Hopefully I will find my true happiness someday. I know in my heart that I have to work on my self first to do that.

[Enkhjin T]

Thank you so much for your reply. I really understand what you are saying. I have been thinking of getting help for quite a some time now. I think I should do it now. I will think about your advice very seriously and make my decision.

On that note, I think I made you misunderstand something. I meant that his and my father abused our mothers while we were growing up. I am sorry that I made you misunderstand. We witnessed such abuse almost weekly if not daily. Becoming witness to such abuse made us so closed, timid and unconfident I think.
I will really consider my best options. Thanks so much.

[Enkhjin T]

Thank you so much for your advice. I think you just hit my spot. Deep in my heart, I know I have to let him go. It is the best way for the both of us. Even though I know all the logical things, I could not stand to do it. I love him too much that even the thought of letting him go makes me go crazy. But at the same time, I often feel sad, unconfident and cautious of his next ‘move’. I often wonder what if he is thinking of someone or do not want to be with me. These thoughts of mine are really hard for me so I just brush them off and try to be happy when we are together. But when we are apart, same sad thoughts come to me and I lose my energy to even get through the day. I could not stand it, I just want to be next to him, together. I never had this problem until he revealed his thoughts of us. I was so happy, and then all of a sudden he told me those words. It was like being hit with a rock. My world has crushed hearing his words, I desperately wanted him to comfort me and tell me it was all a lie and he only loves me. But it was not.

And yes, you are right. Although he has less experience in relationships, he had a difficulty role model in relationship when he was young. His and my father was abusive and we experienced very unhealthy relationship from our parents while growing up. I think this also traumatized him.

I, too, have some issues that I have to resolve within myself. I am usually too timid, not confident enough, easygoing, and usually go with the flow. We are so much alike. I think him being unsure about me also has something to do with my lack of strong personality. It is not the main part, but I think it played a little role, I think. I tried too hard to be the perfect girlfriend for him. I guess I should not have. I just realized it now. I also should have given him a chance to invest more in me instead of making everything easier for him. In the past, guys usually wanted to please me so much that I take them for granted. This time, it is like the role is reversed. I think this is a karma for me. Because of my past, I wanted to be different this time and be more mature and have a healthy loving relationship, but I took it too far I think.

Still after all the rational thoughts, I do not feel ready to let him go. That is what I have been doing in the past relationships, too. I try so hard to make it work, I just hold on to it until I do not feel anything for him. It is kind of like preparing myself, I think. In my mind, if I no longer feel anything for him, it is easier to break up. But I think it is not going to be as easy as I hope it to be. I might just fall more deeply in love with him and wreck my self.
I think I am still hoping that I can change his mind and that he will understand that I am the one for him and have no uncertain feelings towards me anymore.

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