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Checking in here! Just making sure you didn’t miss my message above as I’m very interested in your coaches information! Thanks.
I tried calling Southwest and they won’t transfer it, he would have to just pay me back for it and the trip was yesterday and I already canceled the flights. I reached out to him about it the day after he told me I was meaningless and didn’t want me in his life and he responded immediately but I honestly can’t bring myself to look at what he said. This was 4 weeks ago. Is that crazy or what? It’s sitting as an unread message buried in my texts. I just checked my cash app and he never sent anything so it just tells me that there’s an excuse or something else more hurtful in that text or worse, maybe a flat out no and then him possibly blocking me. Whatever it is, I’m afraid to read it and contact him again. Hearing his voice even through text might cause me to spiral into depression again and I’ve worked so hard to find my smile. All I want is to talk to him and hear an apology. Closure. Which you probably got from your breakup but I know I have to stop wishing and just move on. It’s just easier said than done. He was always such a good communicator and could give me advice, resolve conflict and really effortlessly articulate his disposition but out of nowhere you can’t just tell me why you fell out of interest and all of a sudden can’t be around me? It’s bullshit. But I digress.
YES YES YES! Please send me your coaches info I will reach out immediately once you send. I consider this my journal. Regular journaling doesn’t help, I need to know someone can reply to my thoughts so I use this platform and my friend text inbox plus my Evernote lol.
Hi Heidi! I watched that video and bookmarked it in my favs to watch it whenever I feel like I’m getting a depressive itch. I just want to tell you that you’ve helped me soooooo much you don’t even realize. I stopped seeing my current therapist because she wasn’t telling me anything I NEEDED to hear so I’m in sesrch for a new one thanks to you. This is the first week I’ve only cried once and that was on the plane ride home after drinking myself into a stupor and partying with friends all weekend for Juneteenth holiday. That was Sunday. This week, I’ve smiled and I’ve repeated everything you’ve said back to myself in the mirror every morning and throughout the day. I haven’t had a drink since Sunday and I haven’t felt the urge to go out and party to drown my sorrows. I know I’m going to get through this! I just have one thing I can’t seem to shake, and even though I can already here your response, I’m asking anyway.
Him and I had a trip planned together. I bought everything including the flights. I can’t get a refund, I asked him to pay me for his portion but he never did. Southwest is strange in that even if you purchased both tickets that flight credit goes to the name on ticket. So he has a $600 flight credit that I know he’s aware of but hasn’t even made an effort to pay even a portion back. He lives at home with family and makes good money so it really does hurt that he can’t even do the right thing here and just give me something. I’ve wanted to reach out to his mom and tell her to hopefully nudge him a bit but I also may just have to accept that I shouldn’t have purchased his flights without him paying me. But we were a team so it didn’t cross my mind until d-day. But now I feel resentment because I’ve basically been scammed out of $1000 almost and won’t pay a penny back.
Also, on a random yet new note, how do I get back out there and start dating? I deleted all my dating apps especially the one I met him on and I’m finding myself being so closed off to men when they try to hit on me. There were a couple guys in NYC that came up to me and I just blew them off. Will I ever date again? I feel like men to me all look the same now. Like liars. All of them. I know that is such an unhealthy way to look at the future but that is where I am.
Hi Heidi. Again, thank you so much for all of your insight thus far. I’ve been reading your latest reply over and over again and it’s continually brought me to tears because everything you’ve said is correct. I do put my value in the hands of others. I guess what i can’t seem to understand is after 3 weeks and after my friends pouring into me with so much love and support this past weekend, why I’m still sad. I honestly just want to reach out to him and start over STILL. He was my person, I thought. A piece of me still believes this and just thinks he has demons he needs to work through. I dream about him and I reconnecting almost every night. I know, I know. I just wish he’d reach out to me and simply apologize for being so hurtful. Telling me he no longer wants me after 4 months of us so intertwined with each others lives truly truly hurts. James just sent a case study email (Tina and Jason) and it made me want to reach out because maybe my guy feels the same way? Thoughts?
Hi Heidi, thank you so much for the quick response. I genuinely appreciate it. I just started therapy a couple weeks ago and I’m traveling to NY to visit some friends tomorrow to help distract myself from this depressive state I can’t seem to shake. I do blame myself because I genuinely didn’t think he was a true addict. I thought maybe, like me, he liked having fun. But the truth is he doesn’t know when to quit and I knew this but I genuinely loved him being in my life. We laughed, cried and rolled with life’s punches so gracefully. I knew his mom and daughter’s mother didn’t approve of him partying like he did so I helped him get back on track and he was doing great until the night he met my dad. When we first met he didn’t seem like an addict. But I’m not sure what an addict tends to look like upon meeting him the few times. I like to go out and have fun and generally enjoy someone else that does too. Maybe that makes me an addict? But I know when to go home. I know when to quit. I have responsibilities. When I was younger I was bullied a lot and never felt like I was enough and I somehow still feel like I’m inadequate and hate it. I put on a front like I have it all figured out but the truth is I don’t love myself at all and at 31 years old I’m not sure what or where I went wrong. When I started dating him, the first thing I thought was, he’s so handsome, and way out of my league he will surely lose interest overtime and he did up to The point where I’ve let him disrespect on two different occasions and got rejected by him after he messed up. I feel lost, embarrassed, ashamed and helpless. Thanks again for listening and responding Heidi.
