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I think at this time I am not in need of any additional help. I am not normally a negative person, I always try to see the good in every person and situation. Hiwever after 11 years of being with someone who was negative and attacked my positive outlook, it became hard for me to see things any other way. My husband also had an issue with follow through. So I had a tendency to lay everything out there and feel that by doing so I discouraged him from pursuing his dreams and goals. I can also be sassy and have an attitude and believe that speaking to him with such causes him to shut me out. I do understand that his happiness is not dependent on me making that happen for him and I have said this to him in the past. By giving him opportunities to lead and not throw my two cents in first, giving him the chance to think for himself, texting with shorter responses and not hurling a dozen messages at him, along with a respectful tone and being mindful of what I choose to say has been very beneficial in turning things around more. I hope that things continue to move forward and will keep using the members library to learn more so I can be a better partner to my busbsnd or someone else in the future if our marriage does not work out. I appreciate the insight, suggestions, and help very mucb
Thank you for the helpful suggestions. We have been struggling for quite some time in our marriage. The topics that always come up repeatedly from my husband are that I don’t make him feel like a man (which is where the modules have been helpful for me), that he isn’t attracted to me, that I don’t make him happy, and I don’t satisfy him. By changing the way I speak to him and using some of the approaches given in the modules, he has begun to speak to me more respectfully, has been more open with me, has begun to tell me I’m beautiful again, he is setting goals for himself (he has been unemployed most of our marriage), and most recently has chosen to put the work into himself to be better and improve our marriage. Most of these events have happened within the past 4 to 5 days. I am also working on myself towards being more positive. Much of what James says makes so much more sense to me and has given me the ability to understand my husband in a different way. If our marriage is not able to be fixed then I am confident in my ability to move forward.
Thank you for the insight. My husband has tried talk therapy with no results. No magic words will fix something that won’t work long term. The skills and insight I am learning through the program have been very helpful and by speaking to my husband as a man and with respect has allowed for him to open up to me. I hope we can continue and work through our issues, if we are unable then I will learn to accept that we will need to go our separate ways at that time. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
