[Emily H]

Hi Heidi,
Definitely the attaching quick has to do with fear of abandonment or rejection. This has played out in my relationships in the last 14 years. Interestingly I was in a 10 year relationship prior that did not bring this up. Definitely looking at my attachment issues from when I was a baby and would like to heal this aspect in me. Luckily the man that I am seeing is a therapist in this field and there is space to heal this. The impulsive thinking is maybe coming from the ‘baby’ part of myself. I think there is a habit to keeping this pattern alive that I can see am ready to break. It is getting boring. 😉

This week, we decided to let each other be free but also that we will stay connected while I am away which could be up to 3 months. This has taken the pressure off and we have committed to seeing when we are not in ‘right’ relationship (seeking outside of the relationship) vs being free to connect with others naturally while I am away. This has brought us closer and taken the elephant out of the room. It feels good because one of my values is freedom and often it is my thoughts that put the shackles on…not the other person and I think he is similar.

Things are progressing nicely and thank you for being a part of this.
Emily

[Emily H]

Hi Heidi,
Thank you for your message. I am leaving for awhile as I travel and work…part of why the time pressure was there in the first place. I’ll be gone for a month and maybe visit for a week before I’ll be gone for 3 months. This is how I set up my life before I met him and I can change it in the future if I want to. In the meantime, this distance will either help us grow stronger or naturally send us each on our own way. I am in more of a state of trust that it will flow with what is best for each of us. It is the only way. Taking it one day and one week at a time.

Thank you for the Marco Polo app recommendation…I’ll look into it. 🙂 I have been using voice message on what’s ap…but I like the idea of the video.

I have been studying the attachment in myself and looking at my pattern of being infactuated and then leaving and not staying in relationships long. We have spoken about it. I feel like we were in that stage and the bubble burst and now we are going deeper. The quick attachment is a projection of my desire for a partner and home. I have been able to communicate all of this with him and he supports my growth and is willing to hold this. So this is a new level which I am excited about. The key is not attaching to an outcome but accepting moment by moment.

Life learning. 🙂

[Emily H]

Hi Heidi,
Thank you very much for your reply to this message. It came at a perfect time where I was in the height of these feelings. Wow this was intense.

What you said helped me to temper my response to him and to take a step back. We both attached really fast and this is both of our patterns so was extra heightened. Since this happened, we both stepped back and his sex drive has come back. I feel like the pressure created from the potential of moving in together (after a month of knowing each other) was part of this. Thank you for mentioning that this is his thing. I have a tendency of taking things personally and am working on this. I am back in the exploratory stage with him (collecting data 😉 as we call it) and I appreciate you suggesting to see what his shadow is in the beginning so I can see if this is something I want to be with long term. We have a month to explore and then I leave to travel with work. It feels like I am in more balance w my response to this relationship.

Thank you for your care
Emily

[Emily H]

Oh and to give more information. We message each other most days. I am practicing the hero instinct, gratitude and shared vision.

We are still connected and I am going to his place over night tonight. Just not sure we will just cuddle which is what he is open to. He says it not that he isn’t attracted but that it is something chemical in his sex drive…ahhhhhhh!

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