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I just wanted to update anyone that may read this forum. I was strongly encouraged to NOT go to Italy. I didn’t listen and guess what.. we had the BEST time and things are going better than ever. Ill tell you what worked for me. I took a step back and decided to make the most out of each moment of every day. My happiness is solely dependent on how I perceive each moment. Ever since I decided to be happy with what I do have going for me, gave him space when he needs it and understand his needs, we’ve been great. He recently told me he wanted to go to our trip to Scotland alone to have some time to himself. I was gutted obviously but decided that rather than get upset, I’d understand his need and respect it. Now he’s going to have guy time and I’m going to stay with a friend for a few days for some much needed girl time. And after I showed him I’m okay with that, things got even BETTER. You have to respect each other’s needs in a relationship. I was not in the beginning. I was concerned about who he was texting, what he was doing, the works. Trust, space and respect go along way. Good luck ladies. It sucks being in this spot – I know. But that’s my advice if you happen to come across this. Lots of love! – Michelle
I wanted to add that over the last couple days he seems to provide nice gestures but is also possibly resentful and closed off towards me?
Firstly, after starting to read about the hero instinct yesterday, i tried to show my appreciation that he did my laundry. I texted him saying, “you’re a lifesaver🙏” – he said “how” – I said, “I didnt realize i was so low on clean clothes 😅 thanks for doing my laundry” – he replied, “ah okay. Also, have you talked to the airline about your flight” — that hurt. What a change in the conversation. I tried to kindly reply without getting definsive that i did and it was going to be quite a bit to change. After several “you’re joking” and “that cant be right” I felt hurt. How bad does he want me out of here? I told him how i was feeling and he said he just didnt want to drag it out. I told him i really didnt want to give up on this and he said he just doesnt feel the same. He tried and tried but its not right. And he didnt know until I got here.
Anyways, flash back to two nights ago. I’m staying with him and his mom, and we were having some drinks and playing wii bowling and having a good time. He was texting someone or several people all night but I did my best to ignore it. The following morning he popped into my room (I’ve been sleeping in the spare. Started off as he wasn’t getting much sleep with me next to him “wriggling” then everything else in my previous message happened) but he asked if I wanted anything for breakfast. I said maybe just some toast since I wasn’t feeling well from the fun night and he said he was going to a local Cafe if I wanted anything odd their menu. I said no thanks. He left and came back with food for himself and his mom but didn’t pop back by me before leaving for work. I sent him the “thanks for doing my laundry” text from above and then that evening he got off work early, came home and got ready to go out (I had no idea he had plans). I asked if he was going out and he said some of his mates wanted to get together to watch football and he didn’t think he’d be able to make it until he got off early. I said, “I’m happy you have plans with your friends and hope you have a great time.” He asked if it was sarcasm (ouch) and I said “no, I think you need a night out with your friends” Anyway, he left and came back shortly after 11 pm with food. He came in and I asked him how his night was and he said it was a good night with lots of laughs. I said good, I’m glad you had a great night. He then said, I’ll get you some food but was looming at the dog more than me so I didn’t say anything. Then he said no? You don’t want anything? And I said sorry. I thought you were talking to the dog. He groaned annoyed and walked away. I went into the kitchen and said, I’m sorry I annoyed you. What did you all get? He was explaining what he picked up, one being a kabob and he got so annoyed with how I say it (I’m from US and he’s from the UK) which has happened several times since me being here. He says it’s like Stewy on Family Guy saying cool whip with the exaggerated “h”. Anyway, I got my food and we went to the living room to watch his show. He then got annoyed I called the pickle flavor of his pickled peppers dill. And I didn’t know what tarragon was used for. Just petty things really. So anyway he asks if my food is nice and i say yes, its really good and i just need to allow it to settle in. And he said good. Then he’s texting someone but clearly trying to turn away a bit. I could see the screen but couldn’t read it from where I was sat. I know it’s bad I was trying but why is he hiding? Then he got up and put his food in the kitchen before going upstairs and rummaging around. He comes back down and goes back to the kitchen. All the while his show is going. I couldn’t eat anymore so I went to put my tray in the kitchen and he’s sat in the doorway, back to me, texting someone. I asked if everything was okay, and he’s like “yeah fine” clearly annoyed and then said, “I’m just trying to decide if I want more to eat or not” then walked away. He goes back to the living room for two seconds and then walks away again. I give him a few minutes and then get up to pause his show and remind for him. But he was coming back at that point and asked what I was doing. He then rewound it and hit play and walked away again. I’m sitting there waiting for him to come back and after a few minutes got up and walked to the hallway where it looked like all the lights were off and he was no where. Then it sounded like he stepped outside out the back and didn’t come back for several more minutes. He finally comes back huffing (he’s a grumpy man lol) and I ask if everything is okay. He says yeah, fine, just life. I asked if it was work and he said yes. (Works always messaging him with problems and changes to his schedule) I asked what was wrong and he kind of snapped back it’s fine. I said I was just asking and he said yeah, but I was following him around the house.
Now he’s literally just texted asking if I want to go out for pints tonight.
I feel like he’s trying to do nice things but then I easily annoy him. Like he resents me. I’m sure he sees right through my attempts of not trying to be clingy or needy. Is there anything I can do?
