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I just feel even if I’m ready to date, where do I got to date? A bar? Online dating in small towns is hard. Sure Salt Lake is close but still 3 hours away and I feel like no body want to put in the effort. I don’t even know where to begin.
Ultimately I feel good about my choice. I know it was the right thing to do. I’m sad, but I expected to be sad. I’ve not talked to him.
Heidi I just want honesty, no games, and for it not to be so damn complicated. Is it just me, I don’t feel like dating should be so complicated.
Hi Heidi, Yes It all makes sense. I’m working through it and staying strong, because I know I need and deserve more than he can give.
I will make a list of things I can not live without in a relationship. Write them down in a notebook and whatnot. I cannot live without romance either. I thrive on romance and feeling wanted. I want to know without a doubt that I’m wanted, because in the past that hasn’t always been clear when they get up and leave because they are mad or don’t call because they are mad. I don’t withhold love because of a conflict and whatnot. I’m very close to my family so I want someone who is good with me being close to my family. I would expect that they are pretty close to their family as well otherwise I’m not sure they would understand me needing to be around my family. I’m also a country gal so it seems important that they understand that and are ok with that. I’ve lived in many city’s since graduating and I’m back in Wyoming for a reason. The country is where I belong. The outdoors is where I belong. I need someone who doesn’t mind getting dirt on their clothes or under their nails. I have a family ranch that I go to often. These things wont change. I ride horses, fish, camp, hike all the things. I need someone who is good with that. Spiritually, I need someone who at least believes in God and doing good. Treating people with respect and helping out their neighbors. These are a few things I can think of right away. The others I need to think about more.
Kolene
Hi Heidi,
I think you are right.. I will have to feel the aloneness, but I already feel alone so it’s not a new concept. I know I don’t want him and I especially don’t want him around my son. My father would be very disappointed and broken hearted to know that I let someone treat me the way this guy has. He does absolutely nothing for me. He might as well just be gone, because he’s gone anyway. All I get is sadder and sadder at the way he treats me. There really is no reason to hold on. I’ve blocked/deleted him and honestly feel slightly relieved. It’s only been a few months that I’ve even known this guy and it’s been a roller coaster from the beginning. Here’s to bigger and better things. I got this!! I know I have a lot of healing to do, but maybe I’m making progress and will one day find someone worthy of the love I have to give.
Hi Heidi, I have not reached out to him and I haven’t blocked him yet. As to why, I don’t have a good answer for that other then maybe it’s sad to me that he’s just gone. While I’m uncertain if anything he said was true including his feelings, mine were and if I delete him and block him then he’s just gone. I don’t know it’s super lame because I know it’s for the best and I know it’s not what I want in a partner, but it’s hard for me.
Unfortunately, My dad has passed and been gone for almost 20 years. I remember him always listing with a good, open heart, not judgmental, willing to communicate and try to figure out the best possible solutions. I wasn’t scared to tell him things, because he was a good listener, sure he may have been mad, disappointed, and we knew it, but we knew without a doubt he loved us and would help, but He hardly ever raised his voice with my mother or us kids. Was quick to tell us that no matter what he loved us unconditionally. He was loyal and kind and always willing to help a neighbor or a friend. The needs of others always came before his own. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but he was the perfect father to me and my siblings. Hardworking, he had values and made sure us kids knew how to work hard for what we want and needed. And that our values and morals were important. They made us good people. I see that in my brothers. One brother has since passed from cancer. You see I’m the youngest of 10, so my parents were older and my older siblings were already married and had kids of their own by the time I came along. Some of them raised me right along with their kids.
With my soon to be ex, he was a screamer, someone who belittled, walked away time and time again. Nothing I did was good enough. He was constantly correcting me. The way I cleaned, the way I cooked, the way I spoke. Said the issues I had were my own and not his and that I had to deal with them. Cheated from the time we met and continued to cheat through our short marriage. We tried marriage counseling and he went once. Said the therapist was leading us in the wrong direction, because they told him it wasn’t ok to talk on social media with other women. I Guess mostly I was scared of walking away because of what he would do, I knew he’d be mad, yell and scream and belittle me that I had wasted his time (because he had done and said all that before), but it was more. I was scared and I don’t know that he’d of ever hurt me. I just didn’t have the courage at that time leave. When I left we had gotten in a huge fight with him screaming at me and I always shut down as soon as people start raising their voice. SO then he’d get even madder because then I was ignoring him. I’d start having a panic attack and cry. Then He’d get mad because I was crying. Anyway I had to leave while he was at work. I had to make sure I was gone before he got home. I couldn’t take it anymore. Not to mention I have a young son that I had to get out of that situation. So I called my brother and told him I was coming home.
Am I oversharing?
Kolene
Hi Christina, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I thought about that, maybe just trying to be a friend and support for the cancer and him being a single dad, but I do not feel like that is something he would want. Of course I do not know that for sure since he wont communicate with me. At first he did communicate, told me he was falling in love with me, that I was amazing and he never felt a connection like this, but then when I didn’t want to make things official right away and when I wouldn’t instantly have sex with him things went south. He got more hot and cold than he was before as he had already stopped talking to me a few times because he didn’t believe I wasn’t perusing other conversations with men even though I had explained to him that I wasn’t. He always came back with a “so we done talking txt”, or “wow”, or “well damn”. And of course I would take the bait, because I liked him. But then it would never go anywhere, because he would start leaving me on read, delivered, or ignoring me completely. Now we hardly talk. He said I bugged him cause I would tell him I loved him and felt the connection too, but wouldn’t be in a relationship with him. I explained that my feelings were real and that I did want a relationship with him. I just had asked for a little bit of time, but then he said well I’m scared, confused and whatnot. Regardless, we aren’t talking at this moment and haven’t in a few days. I feel like I’m being punished for not doing what he wants right now. Always the games, and it’s exhausting. I just want a truthful conversation, because at this point I don’t know if anything he said is even true, because to me when you love someone this isn’t how you treat them. I don’t know, but I’m hurt. Thanks for sharing.
Kolene
Hi Heidi, Yes I am currently working with a therapist to help me with my past relationship. I’ve been seeing him for a almost a year now. My divorce is almost final and I’ve been out of that situation for almost 11 months. I wasn’t interested in dating and just working on my confidence and building myself. It wasn’t until this new experience came along that I thought I was even ready to date. Mostly I’m scared, because it seems I attract/look for the same type of people. My ex and I were only married for a year when I finally worked up the courage to leave, but had dated for a year before marrying. I knew it wasn’t a good thing to marry him, but was to scared at that point to get out and he was the man I met when I was at my lowest after my sons father left. My Sons father and I were married for 8 years when we got a divorce. He got involved with a women he worked with. I am finding it hard to believe that I’m not the common link in all this. I often wonder what I’m doing wrong and why I’m picking up trash and calling it treasure. I guess I don’t even know what a healthy relationship is, because I don’t think I’ve had one. I want one though. I appreciate your time in talking with me and helping me. I know my worth and had good examples in my father and brothers, So I do know what it should look like.
That approach feels good to me. Thank you!
Kolene
Hi Heidi,
Thank you so much for getting back to me. I felt that there were so many red flags, but I also doubted myself because of my past relationship. So I wanted to get some advice. I do not mind that you were strong about it. I needed to know that what I thought was right, so I know that I’m reading the situation right and I am healing and reading things right because I always doubt myself. I do want to let go and move forward. I don’t want to be hurt anymore or have a broken relationship. I want a healthy relationship. Please help me
Kolene
