[Jamie S]

What makes him wonderful- Well, he took the time to really listen to my needs in the beginning. He tried for about four months to get me to date him. I was worried about the distance and he kept assuring me “it wasn’t a big dea.” When we met he was kind, listened, and remembered a lot of what I told him. Dating in a world where throw-away culture has taken over (swipe for greener grass) it was nice to find someone who shared in the belief that relationships take work. We have similar upbringings, morals, views, and life goals. He would do a lot of things right, not perfect, but right. He planned weekly dates, called, facetimed daily, and asked deep questions. He pushed for the relationship to be official (as in it was his idea) and I really felt comfortable with him. I could express myself and myself freely without judgment.

We met one of his friends for dinner who commented “for me golf comes first and then the girl can have what’s left of the weekend” this was a red flag to me as you are who you hang out with. I did ask him if he felt this way, but he assured me he did not. He said his happiness, my happiness, and building a life together were on the top of his list.

I honestly think if I could have controlled myself during the time he needed space we would be together. He did say he was trying to figure things out. he said he isn’t in a good place, he is angry at life, he needs time to think, he needs to find a new job…. and at the end of this rant, he said “and I hope to god I don’t lose you in the process” he sounded so defeated. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop contacting him. I don’t feel obsessed it was more my emotions and fear of this ending for reasons outside of the relationship on both ends.

He would respond when I reached out, sometimes he was ok and others he was yelling and sometimes using profanity. He facetimed me a few nights ago and we talked for over an hour. He told me how defeated he felt, how he feels so small, that he is taking a week off work and going home to see family and he hopes it helps, that he isn’t good for himself so how can he be good for anyone else? When I asked if he wanted me to move on he said “I want you to chill and stop thinking” I asked for clarity on this and that upset him. After that conversation, I continued to ask for clarity and or closure. He then blocked me. He has blocked me five times this month. I feel like he is emotionally drained, stuck in a place of feeling like his life is falling apart, and he is unsure how to fix it. He has tried to get promoted at work twice in the time we have been together and both times he was passed up. He took this really hard, he isn’t happy with his current living situation as he rents a room. He isn’t happy with his car as it’s old and falling apart. I own a condo, have a newer car, and recently landed a great job. I think he feels he isn’t good enough for me.

I’ll note I’m not one to fall in love fast, I have had relationships in the past and I didn’t “jump the gun” this felt right and it felt as if we have something good, worth fighting for. When someone asked why I hadn’t given up, my only thought was because that isn’t love, you don’t give up on love. Do I think I went about it the right way? no, not at all. Do I think this is fixable? yes, I really do. I just don’t know how.

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