Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Yes, it is incredibly painful being repeatedly rejected and abandoned I somehow told him the other day “i think, we should be splitting up but did not elaborate as i want him to engage in a conversation to how we better navigate our situation but yet i get a silent treatment. So i told him please him me how to better communicate with you because it appears either you are busy or tired” He now seemes annoyed and irrated when i talk to him. I kind to agree with you that he maybe out and is forcing me to do the dirty work.
Thanks for your insights. I am thinking of seeing a lawyer to ensure our children and I are secured financially. We acquired assets in 2021 through investment account and he is the sole owner. I need to keep my heads up and be ready
In regards to living situation, i have to think it through. My fear, is our 4th child currently in senior high school. I dont want to disrupt his schooling and activities. My chiodren grow up in a loving home with lots of happy memories. They never witnessed us fighting nor saying bad to each other.There was so much love and respect and something we are proud of.
We have not talked to the children about the current situation and i am sure it is going to be devastatihg for them if we cant make it work. I am holding it togethere despite all the pain that I go through right now.
My friend told me that my husband was a good man before but his actions is despicable betrayibg my trust, cheating and who knows what else. He may look so good from the outside but inside he is rotten. These are very strong words that made me slowly realized that i indeed lost my partner that i can count on for 3 decades. I am broken to the core. Racing fast to my faith helped me a lot. Thoughts?
Yes, I am trying to wait this out but the pain is so intense, wherein I felt so insulted knowing he even does not want to be touched, he can’t even looked at me when I try to converse (always on his phone) So yesterday, when we got home from church service I told him “sorry I could not make you happy, I am letting you go, you are free to seek happiness with someone else. I just can’t force anyone to be in my life, Jut wanted to let you know that there will always a part in my heart belongs only to you. You make the decision.” He did not say anything and went to our bedroom laying down on his stomach.
After I finished cooking, I went to see him saying good bye as I was heading to my cousin’s birthday party and to tell him that food was ready for everyone. He just say Thank you and I left.
Any thoughts on how to better approached this.
Thanks
Hello Heidi,
It is definitely quite a roller coaster of emotions since April this year. I love being married to him and getting back to normalcy and emotionally safe with him may somehow take time.The future is unpreductable so come to realized not put too much thought about it.I am just letting the chip fall at the moment. I can only control about myself so focusing more on my well being and children. I have 4 beautiful children 3 completed college and have good jobs and my youngest is in senior HS. Our children is our pride and joy too. We are very proud how we raised our family.
Should he come back, I think we need to talk to a deeper level and set some boundaries and just be open to each other with no loose ends. As i mentioned earlier that i am a positive and jolly person so i will keep it that way. Communication, Respect, Forgiveness, Faith and finding peace within ourselves would be our foundation. We had a very happy marriage and I pray we still can.
Also, during this trying times i find talking when emotions is high is not productive. As he once told me at the beginning of our crisis that I should not think too much about it or analyze everything he does. He asked for space and he got it. Yes. It is very painful for both of us but I think we both handle the situation in a mature way no screaming or drama.
Many thanks for your input.
Thank you Heidi.
After our family vacation, my husband left for Europe and is coming back this weekend. I have been respectful of his time by not overwhelmed him with messages. I know he is very busy. Anyhow, I asked him if he has time to talk and he called and talked for 30 minutes. Our conversation was mostly about what most couple talk about (kids,plans and about ourselves) we did not talk about our relationship. As our conversation concluded I said “I love you” and he responded I love you too.
He may pull away but we are very cordial to each other partly because I focus the bad not tainting the good. It is not because,I lost my dignity for not funishing him of his behavior but this who I am…positive and jolly person. I am still hoping things will turn around. Any thoughts?
Thank you Heidi for your thoughts.
We had a family vacation last week. Everyone had a great time however, I am convinced that my husband has already made a choice. I did my best in the last 5 months. It is very painful knowing that your husband for 26 years has become stranger. I am not exactly sure if I can be be with anyone who is so disconnected from me. Anyhow, I was thinking a sending a note to him like below.
Thank you for the time well spent last week. Seems like everyone had a great time. Despite all that I am convinced where I stand in your life. I can’t deny my love for you but have no desire for drama either. I may be married to you, but I feel very lonely. I don’t want us to be strangers. Do you know what it’s like to come home and and hear you say nothing, you don’t even look up but keep yourself distracted. I missed knowing your schedule. It hurts more that you ever know.
As a wife and mother, I long for yours and our children’s happiness. You are a good man and father to our children. You deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life. I wish you the best. Again, thank you for everything.
Any thoughts?
Thank you very much Heidi. I was wondering on your statement that he does not realize of the damage he has done could cost him much bigger than he thinks. I have been initiating the conversation, is it wise to stop doing that?
Thank you Heidi,
We had good marriage that many people envy, We did things together, travel, support each other. We were always at each other’s side. Talking about our future, laugh at each other. It was really good.
Since his trips to Bangkok. He changed the password of his phone and computer so I can’t access them anymore for which I rarely do it. If I did only to look at pictures he took and he is on my side. My feelings were safe and I felt secure with him. No insurities or whatsoever
Last night he mentioned about going to Bangkok in January because his sister and brother in law are going for few days before heading to other Asian counties but he will be in Bangkok for 2 weeks. So I said I am going but he did not respond. I was not too happy and told him about my feelings when Bangkok is being mentioned. Also brought up about sending a picture iof the fire we made to friends and yet he did not send messages to me when he was away on his camping trip. Told him it is very clear to me now that you dont want me in your life, I was never been insecure and unsafe with him not until lately and not exactly sure how long I can stay this way.. it is just too painful. No response whatsoever. I went to bed silently crying.
By the way, I told him about time to tell the family about us. And he said what about us? He is diffinitely playing my head.
Anyway, today he was suppose to go jet skiing with me and our son but decided not to because he was so busy with work. When we got back to our rented house he was on the phone and I said hello I am here and his response wss why do I always criticize him. I apologize. I was just trying to get his attention because I was talking about our day and he was just there sitting and distracted. After dinner, our son asked him to go for a walk with us and he said, he was and again decided not to because he was very tired and ready for bed…it was only 8pm. I know he was not sleeping because he was online…I can see it. He become a different person. Lastly, he did ask if our son had fun but did not ask me if I had fun.
Many thanks
We only did one session, I initiated to seek counseling ,at first he was not receptive to the idea eventually he agreed partly because he has a hard telling me stuff that is very hurtful I think i.e he has desire for intimacy but not with me.
On his way to his 3rd visit Bangkok he promised to seek counseling at whatever venue I want but changes his mind when he got back because he thought he might doubt himself but did not elaborate furthermore. His trips were all personal. I really cant confirm that he was cheating on me but it appears that way based on his actions. I also found a UPS receipt being delivered to Bangkok weighing 3.10lbs. I ask him about it and told me he does not want to talk about it
Anyhow, he was stayin at his parents for a week to take care of a some work to be done (legit work). We had minimal communication and talked over the phone once. As I met him today after a week of not seeing each other I find he drifted farther away, could not looked into my eyes nor say hi. We hardly converse…I know he is very tired but not a good reason to at least say hi or how are you?
He was supposed to be telling his parents about our struggles but his friends suggested to not tell his parents. Friends advised him to figure it out himself.We are leaving tomorrow for a family vacation. I am not exactly sure how to carry myself anymore, I am walking in an eggshell,lost and not comfortable being around him because I felt he does not want me at all. He is a very decent man and highly accomplished. He seems to get what he wanted in life because he is a go getter type. He is very athletic and competitive. We are both driven and I am not as athletic as he is but plays some tennis and works out regularly.
