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Hello Heidi hope your Thanksgiving week is going to be festive.
Yes I am here to vent.I will tell him this:
I am quitting my job, going to spend time in Asia. Get me a business class ticket. You hold the fork while I am away (house and family matters) I need to do this for my sanity and healing. Come get me when you are ready.What is your thoughts on this.
EmmaYes. It is truly extremely difficult, especially blaming everyone in the family me and the children for not appreciating him. Yes, there is little communication between him and the children partly because he works, and when he does his own thing and on the phone browsing.Sadly, he does not believe in therapy.
Few months ago, he told me I am his priority, cant go on in this life without me. I had reservation when he says that but showed my pleasure in hearing those kind words.
He just returned on a holiday in Asia, he did not include me. I was somewhat hurt. Rightly so because he promised me few months back that he will not travel without me unless work related…that was a lie
He told he regret for betayinh me but do not regret of helping the other women. He helped her setting up a business and financed it. That is the reason whybtheybare talking nothing romantic. Of course I do not believe that.
He cried and hugged me and said why this is happening to us. Then start talking to me in Chinese i.e dont gonaway. .he has been learning Chinese f language since February.
He said he sometime don’t know of who he is and so tired fighting
Hello Heidi,
It has been a while. My husband has lied again, he told me back in February that the communication with the other woman has stopped, last night, he admitted that communication has ended recently, anyhow, he claimed that I don’t care about him because if I do, I should have not left him (emotionally) the truth is I never left him. He is just making excuses. So last night we had a talk, he was drinking and told me that I have been so negative, trying to prosecute him. I am only reacting to his behavior. He asked what I did not like about him or if I hate him. I told no. I do not hate you. I just don’t like when you lie to me, it is very difficult to trust you. He is somewhat upset about that then he told me I think, we should split up. I told him if that is what you want, I am not in a position to stop, if splitting makes you whole and happy then no one stopping your happiness…it is all on you. I know our issue is our communication style, he just doesn’t want to be told or ask. I feel each time I ask ….he gets offended and not comfortable ….my apology….I am all over the place.Hello- hope all is well. We are heading for a 2day event intended for couples to rediscover. The program includes presentations (2hrs 3 total in each day)each presentation is followed by 90 minutes private discussion. I think this is something we need. This was his idea.
He is trying but deep inside I have reservations of whatever he says. I cannot help but wonder what exactly on his mind. The other day I ask him to pass his phone and he responded to knock it off. He does not liked being questioned. I am in limbo and hurting but seem like all is normal for him, he does not show emotional support or perhaps I just become too.clingy but I don’t think so.i feel like he is annoyed by me….I don’t know anymore how to start a deep conversation about ourmarriage,feelings and all that. When I expressed my feelings,his commnent is always so stop worrying. So, I think this weekend would be a good bridge to open up a bit
Any thoughts on how to effectively start a meaningful conversation.
Here is the letter that I was planning to This is Mrs. Heine-Jason’s wife. Jason confessed on Christmas day that he met you while on vacation in Bangkok. He came to see you earlier this month to put an end and told me that it is over. I am sure that you are in a roller coaster emotionally at the moment. Your affair probably started when he told you that he is unhappy at home. It developed because you were trying to win his love and attention despite the fact that he is married. Your life must have been on hold for the past year, waiting for him to call or see you. You have settled for less, I hope you will pick up the pieces and get on with your life.. The past year you spent with my husband could not be recaptured, perhaps you would be married by now if you spend the time with someone of your own. Since that is not the case, I hope you will not repeat the same pattern of having an affair with another woman’s husband. Jason and I had two choices. We could either let the affair destroy us or let it bring us closer together. We chose the latter. We realized we come this far and can’t see ourselves living apart from each. We are each other one “TRUE LOVE.”I have forgiven him, but this by no means indicates that I condoned his (or your) behavior. I realize what he did was morally wrong, but I admire him for finding the inner strength in time to break the addiction from your charade of a relationship. A relationship that is exciting and seems perfect but rarely lasts . I just wanted you to know that I have no ill feelings for you. I don’t know you but have a feeling that you are a good person. May God Bless you and wish you the best. PEACE….
My husband went to see her to end their affair. He told me that it is over and is committed to spend more attention to our family and us. He also told me that his one true love is me. I should stay calm and just believe everything he has to say. I tried to believe but part of me is very doubtful and rightly so. I told him that all communication with has to severe and he agreed. He still has his phone locked though and his reason because of work. How I better communicate to her about unlocking his phone I still do think they are talking……I am tempted to write a letter but he is against it because I don’t know her to begin with. I am looking around for a good therapist now. I did not like the one I had before.
Anyway, he gave her money to pick pieces together. She has no college education and work as a waitress. She is young and beautiful. So much going on…so much going on. I am very confused.
Right now we are really talking bit it is very hard for me..
Thank you Heide. Yes I truly need help to overcome the incredible pain.
At the moment, I have been exercising, listening to Bible verse, practice the breathing in and out method (self awareness).I may check in in a support Groupe or so. I don’t know yet.
Happy New Year!!!
It has been few months since my last post. 2022 was truly a nightmare to say the least .
Few days ago, he finally told me that he had met a 42 year old woman in Bangkok while visiting there about a year ago, he said he got so deep (past tense) and thought he was in love. He has been to Bangkok 3 times within 6 months and planned another trip last Nov. but was canceled due to work.
He is planning to go back in February to end the relationship and I said, what is the need to go and his reasons was he wronged her and me and should face in person, that’s what good people do. And I thought, good people don’t intentionally hurt their wife. I told him I can’t stop you from going. He want me to understand and feel sorry for all the pain he had caused… I told him that he was not sorry , words is cheap…you show that your are remorseful by your actions until then I am not accepting that you are sorry.
It is so difficult to end, I am giving myself until April. But for the meantime I am focusing on myself and children. I come a long way.
He said that he is not leaving his family. I am consciously believing it.
He has to feel the pain as I did. I am in a better place at the moment but he seems so miserable and has been drinking a lot. Cannot focus on his worr. If I let him go now it is hljust giving him a silver platter, he has to do the dirty work not me. Any thought.
Juat got back from a safari trip with my girfriends. I had a blast.
The past weekend we went for our sons college campus visit and stopped by at his long time friend (boss during vollege internship) along the way, we chatted maybe close an hour. The friends wife noticed that i looked relaxed and radiate. Good to hear though
Anyhow, at this point, we communicate better, i sense barrier between us is lowered. I dont feel like walking on an eggshell. I guess i empowered myself to be in control of my destiny. I realized, lots of patience and time to heal.
My body have been numb and fidgety on and off for quite some months now but this past week is somehow worst…..i lost it and broke a glass on his presence with my brother in law watching. This was the worst behavior i ever displayed during our marriage. i left the house to play tennis and socialize. He texted me why i was breaking things or was i mad he was at the house. I did not apologized for it and responded that I was not mad to anyone. I was so broken and feel the need to externalize. He responded back that he is sad seeing me like this and hoped playing tennis helped.
I dont know if my behavior was right or wrong i did not threaten him, it wsd the act druven by so much hurt i think it gives him the idea tgat i am so close to a breaking point.
I have this chest pain on and off too, last night after tennis, the pain was a bit heavier and my arm started to numb..i stayed with the kids watching TV a little bit. When i wake up this mornjng the chest pain was still thete but not bad. I called my daughter about the chest pain and discomfort which it did not completely go away during the day. She suggested. I should seek medical attention. Thankfully it is gone now. This is my fear. I maybe strong mentally but too emotional. My heart and soul only belong to my husband. Never, i look or attracted to anyone since we got married. Everything i see in the house, the children and some of the things i do is a reflection of him.
That’s the battle I am in.
I sent him a text last night (easier than in person). It was about the need to get help to address the issues at hand, clarity in our living situation and talking to the chuldren now or i just talked to them. I have not heard back or got a response from him as of yet. For the first time in many months he greeted me “good morning”.
I already set up a meeting with a lawyer for legal advice.
On the side note: funny seeing his reaction about having no food ready when he got home last night after playing tennis. I myself was with my friends playing tennis.
Hello Heidi,
Asked him last night if he was leaving this weekend, he said not sure. I think, he is very afraid. He is not ready to talk to the kids nor to his parents.
By the way he is an executive of a samll software company and know he is under a lot of stress. He also, mentioned last night that he is considering retirement, he is 52 years old. His personal life is a hot mess because of his irresponsible choices and he dragged me along with it. Things happen because he let it happen. Whatever issues we may have can be resolved should we communicate about it.
I have tried my very best to take cate of myself i.e going out with friends, working out and play more tennis with friends. I also, make sure the kids and the house are taken cared of. I keep myself busy. Despite all that my nigts are b so lonely, he does not even say good night and put pillow between us it is just demeaning
Thank you
The sad part, he does not think he betrayed me. I have evidence, i.e trackibg number (outgoibg to Bangkok), condom ( thai language), and a hotel reservation for 2 adults. His reasoning is he felt i was not there for him, i was lazy to doing the things he enjoyed. Which is untrue.i know he is trying to justify his actions.
I am so broken but will try my best to choose me. As difficult as it maybe i know i will come out of this as a strong and loving person. I have to believe that I am not the victim.
The trial separation is a good start and i know he has difficulty dealing with this especilally when a tine cone to discuss about our situation with his parents and siblings. We both cone from a close knit and religious family.
I talked to my husband and asked him to help me with a plan on how we better navigate our situation. I put my brave face for so long and not sure how long i can pretend that all is ok. I am dying inside. We both agreed to temporarily live separately, he is going to stay at his parents house for 2 weeeks but me and children can visit him on the weekends and keep our communication open. Then i am gone for 10 days with my girlfriends for a girls trip to Safari. At the moment we are both so stressed out and I think this give us some time to think. We both understand the consequences of whatever decision we may come up with.
I wished him happiness and told him i deserved my peace.
