[Laura H]

Two weeks ago I decided to tell him how I was feeling, that his attitude wasn’t making me feel good, I did what I felt I had to do at that moment, that didn’t get things better right away, but we started talking more since then, he wasn’t ready to meet that week, but this week on Monday we made plans to spend the whole weekend together, we will go upstates in New York for a motocross race, he is too much into those things and I’ve been telling him since last year I’d go with him if he wanted to, he wasn’t too sure about it because he knows it’s kind of difficult to walk and spend the day in the field, and he knows I am not used to it, but finally this week we decided we were going and spending the weekend there. We haven’t talked about what happened yet, I don’t want to bring that up either, let’s see what happens, I started to feel different, I am not chasing him, I let him do the first move, I am starting to let things happen, all the time we spent being distant, taught me to miss him less.

[Laura H]

Hi Heidi,

I haven’t heard from him since Sunday, since I texted him what I told you. I know he processes things different, he needs time to heal, and every time I bring the same topic up, it’s like if the clock got reset, and make it worse and takes more time, apparently that’s what it is. I haven’t texted him yet, I really miss him, but I am trying to do my best not to text him, as much as I would like to show him how much I care for him, how much id like to be in good terms with him and improve in our issues, that is not going to work if he doesn’t decide he wants to, and apparently he doesn’t want to and I can’t force him. It hurts me a lot this situation, I’ve done all I can, like I said, I read books, I’ve watched videos, I’ve paid and spoken with various coaches about it, I read James Bauer’s book, and started another one from Luke Pendleton, I’ve read articles on the internet, I’ve done everything I’ve been capable to and invested my money on doing so, and still here, hoping that at some point I can stop and move on from this when I can’t change this anymore. I know I am in his head, even if I wasn’t, he has to remember me every day he is at his apartment, since he step in there, there are stuff I’ve given to him from my heart and thinking of what he likes, and they are mostly everywhere, on his wall, on his coach, on his chair, on his table, on his dresser, even in his kitchen. When he goes to visit his parents and his dog, she had toys I’ve sent her that she really likes and play with them often. I always tried to bring him thoughtful things showing him how much I cared and think about him. Even when he looks at his keys, he sees me there because. I know that’s not the reason why he has to think about me, but that makes him think about me even if he doesn’t want to, st this point I understand that if he is not reaching out and fixing things is because he doesn’t care. I’ve been trying the best I can’t to not reach him out, and definitely this doesn’t feel good, but at the same time I have to understand that he doesn’t want me to reach out and that I can’t be chasing him, he has a lot to lose that is myself, I am sure that someone like me you don’t find it twice, but there are people that don’t realize about it, and have a low self esteem that think that when someone like me is in their lives they don’t deserve it and feel bad about it. That’s him, there was once that he told me he felt overwhelmed on how good I treat him, if I could please slow down. There are a lot of signs that I’ve been ignoring here, but I still try and try. He has been the first person I ever had something like this and this long, I never was involved with anyone this way, all that created that attachment and fear to lose him and not be able to find anyone, I guess. I told you though, dating in NY sucks, men are not gentlemen anymore, and I can tell you, he’s one of those men that I consider is a gentleman with a lot of things he does, he still open the door of the car for you, he opens the door for you and let you go first, he carries your heavy bags, he gives you his jacket if he has to, he goes to bring you anything if you need it. It’s a lot of things he does that makes me feel that way, even if he does other ones that hurt me. At this point I am so confused and lost like he is, this Saturday will be the exact 3 weeks since everything happened, and i still don’t know what was what i said that made him feel that way. I am careful with the words I use with him, with the voice tone I use too, so to be honest I don’t know if he misunderstood my statement when the fight started, I don’t know, I am confused, lost right now and I don’t know what to do, I guess the time will help me to clear my mind.

[Laura H]

I texted him for a little, asked how he was doing, how was his weekend going and all that, then asked me what I was up to, I told him I what I was up to and at the same time I was thinking happy moments we have had I did what you told me to do, to remind him one of the happy moments we have had, I did, this was what I said:

***While doing it I was thinking of some of the happy moments we have had together
I was thinking of that night we went to the movies to watch Licorice Pizza, do you remember? my first time at the movie theater, our first picture together, I remember having one of the best times with you that night, it was so fun and special, we both enjoyed of each other’s company, I really like when we get to have times like that, when all stress of our days and messiness are put aside, even for a few hours and we get to have a really good time together. I have had many special first times with you. I’ll tell you something, even though I have a lot of insecurities to work on, you also have helped me to see myself in a different way, to put a big part of those insecurities on the side and increase my self esteem and confidence. I am grateful for this and for you. ***

I saw him online after sending that message, he didn’t respond it. I don’t know if he didn’t bother on reading it or he read it and just ignored it. I don’t know what to do anymore to make him come back to his normal self. We haven’t texted since Thursday, at all, and today I was trying to break the ice with what you advised me and he just ignored it. I feel so lost, I am starting to believe he doesn’t feel interested in me anymore, that I am just wasting my time and humiliating myself by trying to save this when he’s not collaborating at all. I feel so bad and disappointed. I don’t want to rush him to anything, but at the same time I feel Desperate, what will the outcome be here? Is there something I can do to bring him close again? Ive done a lot and nothing works, I already read James Bauer book of “His Secret Obsession”, I can’t apply any of that while he’s acting this way, I don’t know if anything would change with that information. I am so lost right now and hurt, I want to save and keep trying but I no longer know what to do or if it is worth it to keep trying because he doesn’t seem interested, or he is really hurt and can’t respond to me like that anymore. I don’t know, nothing I said during our argument was to hurt him this way, I apologized the same day, I tried to make it up the same day while being with him, but the behavior is the Same, tomorrow I starts the 3rd week he’s been this way and I don’t know what to do anymore to make it better. I can’t believe that 2 years mean this to him.

[Laura H]

I am starting to miss him a lot, he hasn’t texted me this weekend. Should I text him? Or should I wait for him to text me?

[Laura H]

Thank you so much for sharing this with me, I want to learn how to apply all those things in myself and focus on myself more and try to improve myself, I have a love of things that i need to work on, you could notice a few, the only issue, it’s that I don’t know how, a lot of times I feel lost and I don’t know what to do in my life or what to do next, i don’t know if I will ever have a different life and habits because as you can see. I have problems of insecurity, self esteem, codependency behavior which is weird, it only happens to me with this guy, out of him, I am so independent, I do my own things, I don’t need anyone else in my life, I don’t need the approval of anyone else to do things, just myself, all this started when i started dating him, because of the fear of losing him, I feel I have to do anything I can to keep him happy so he doesn’t leave, I don’t want that, I don’t want my happiness relies on a person.

On the other hand, do you think he would eventually start communicating with me and move on from whatever happened? Do you think the best idea is to give him the space he needs and don’t Chase him? If we talk, just be supportive and don’t offer any suggestions on what I think he needs to improve? Do you think space is enough to move on from what happened? As much as I am willing to wait too.

[Laura H]

I don’t want to keep my feelings for myself, I want to tell him what I feel as I always do, I just try not to when he’s in a situation like this. I want to try and save what we have, but I also want improvements, I don’t want to keep doing the same, but I guess the only way to do this is if at some point he decides he needs to look for help without me telling him what to do or mothering him.

[Laura H]

Thank you Heidi, I don’t want to keep mothering him like you call it, I want he does his healing work himself and look for help, I once told him he should speak with a therapist, but he didn’t because he thinks that’s not helpful and he doesn’t need that. I just want to give him suggestions of what he can do, it is what it is, he’s a child still, I have told him the same, even last year for his 27th birthday I keep mentioning the same to him, you need to grow up and start behaving as an adult. I want to take care of his feelings because that’s how I am, it hurts me to make anyone feel bad with any action i did or anything I said, it’s not only him. I am thinking a lot about this, I am in this process where I miss him but I am starting to accept I don’t need to have him around all the time, he is teaching me that by his distance, even if I’d love to have him around all the time. It keeps hurting me to see him online on social media and not talking to me, but I am getting better at that, he didn’t text me yesterday, I didn’t either, I’ll wait until he does it. I want to save this we have, but at the same time I want changes for the both of us if he’s willing to contribute with that and if he’s willing to continue together. Even if you don’t believe it, I think I am the type of person anyone would love to have by their side, I am caring, loving, mindful, respectful, loyal, and a lot of other positive things, but I’d like to give him a try, he has issues that he’s not contributing to help himself, but not mothering him, I’d like to help him and advise and suggest him stuff, because as the person on his side, I can’t leave him alone. This is until I reach my breaking point like he told me the other day.

[Laura H]

Yes,I want to keep talking about it because I would like to get clarity on this and be able to find some help on how to do things with him and this is one of the things I could find that are not charging me $300 for a half hour.
I want to keep trying with him and see if we can work on things, everything is not broken and lost here, we have communication problems, he has inside fears and maybe frustrations that make him feel even worse every time an argument happens, he doesn’t know how to handle that, I know he should look for help for himself, but he doesn’t know how to do that, he feels lost, some people simply don’t have an idea on what to do or are not brave enough to do it like I am, I am trying to find alternatives for the both of us and I am pretty sure there are a lot of things that can help.
It’s true, I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I am not selfish and I don’t want to hurt him by telling him all these things, that’s my problem and I am just trying to find an alternative on how to work on this and be able to communicate this with him without it hurting him at the same time, I appreciate your help, but I think this is not the place for that type of advices, you have told me a lot of valid things about this that I am sure they are that way and it’s true, I feel identified by that, but at the same time there are things you consider lost or that can’t be fixed, but I am sure there is a way, if we are both willing to work on of course.
I understand when you say I should make him set a timeframe on how long he will stay this way, I want to do that, believe I do, but because I know him, I just don’t find proper to give him ultimatums when I ask for those timeframes, I am sick on waiting for him to feel better, I am sick of all this bs, he talks to me on day and then the next one he disappears, that hurts a lot to me, but the main reason why I started this, was because I wanted to find alternatives on how to get him start to communicate again after what happened and get him ready to have that healing talk in person, which hasn’t happened yet. This makes me feel frustrated, of course, but because I appreciate our time together and because I care for him, I’d like to keep trying a little more, I agree when you say sometimes I put him first and I forget about me, it’s true, I’ve done that every time something like this happen to bring his closer again and try to fix things because I think he needs that support more than me, I am emotionally stronger than him even if I break too and at the end, I am involved in this type of things looking for help, at least I have those resources myself, he doesn’t have any of that, and yes, because he doesn’t look for them, but he doesn’t even know because he doesn’t accept he might need help for things he can’t resolve by taking only space. It’s a lot of complicated things going on that I’d like help, but the main one is to get him to communicate with me and have a healing talk because I believe we can do that and keep this Alive for a lot longer, we barely have any fights, it’s just when it happens he doesn’t process it well or get over it as quick as I do. Thank you

[Laura H]

Thank you Heidi, I appreciate your help. I know I have to stop mothering him, it’s just that sometimes I feel I need to step in and help him with whatever he’s going through, even more when I think he is feeling bad because of me, but you are right, those feelings have been there for years, for a reason I don’t know, and he hasn’t told me either. I told him once that he should attend to therapy and try to speak with a professional that can help, he thought that was BS, he doesn’t need that type
Of help and therapist don’t really help you. I didn’t mention anything about it again because he has his own belief on that, but I am sure there is definitely something off with him and he could use some help, I don’t want to be the one pushing on that and make him feel worse, but I want to be there for him and be helpful, but he is closed with his feelings, he doesn’t let anyone in. He is a lonely person, his social life is mostly people from work and they don’t even go out, and his parents and dogs and myself when we don’t have any fight, he has things going on in his head, even when we are not into a fight and we are fine with each other, he pushes himself away until he feels to come back again, he doesn’t disappear or ignore me, but he acts distant, he gets stressed easily and gets annoyed even easier. I’ll keep in mind that of not telling him everything that I don’t like about him and just try 1 thing to improve what we have when he is ready to talk and fix things unless he just comes back saying he doesn’t want to continue to do this, it’s either one of those two, he comes back or he just break up. What would you recommend me for that thing to be? With what I already told you, what do you think is the best thing we can work on improve in what we have right now? What do you think is the thing that needs more attention and that he would understand knowing that he is so fragile with emotions and events. Also, I will try to let him text me first and start the conversation, I feel so bad when I don’t talk to him and the second day I don’t hear from him I text him, most of the time he doesn’t text me one day, he will do it the next, but sometimes like now, he hasn’t done it like that every time which makes me feel this way because he is reacting to this for a longer period of time than what he has ever done before for any argument or fight, he just can’t take any type of arguments because that affects him so much, but I think everyone has fights and ups and down, it’s nothing out of this world, but he doesn’t understand that. Also, sometimes I feel he doesn’t care for me because he doesn’t show it, at the same time I think there is a special connection between us and he cares for me because otherwise he wouldn’t be here dealing with us at this time if it affects him that much, what do you think about it? Is he here with me because he cares or it doesn’t matter if he cares or not? I try to understand a lot of things from him, I’d like to keep trying and see if we can work on this, I really care for him, I have my feelings for him, I want to keep trying, sometimes I feel frustrated for the way he is, but at the same time I have to accept is not my fault and I can’t do anything to help if he doesn’t want to help himself like you said. Sometimes I think if I am not with him id have a hard time finding other people to date because men are assholes most of the time. I wanted to say what you told me, but at the same time I didn’t want to put all that pressure on him if it’s really true that he’s feeling that bad like he said. Something else i would like to tell you, you know, as I mentioned before, he doesn’t want to call this a relationship but at the same time he’s aware and we have talked before this is not a friends with benefits situation and you must know it for all of what I’ve told you, and the fact that he’s dealing with all this, but I would like to have a little more of commitment with him, that he actually calls this a relationship because it’s not that we are not in one, its that he doesn’t give the title and I don’t know how to make that happen, that causes my insecurities too, because I think if he doesn’t want to give the title, he would try and look for more girls even if we are exclusive as we agreed at the beginning, or at any time he would come and tell me he doesn’t want to keep doing this, he can do the same in a relationship, but giving you that title makes it more formal and the commitment too. We have had fights before where he refuses to break up over text or call, that means he takes us serious, but at the same time if he doesn’t call me his girlfriend, I don’t consider myself any of that.

[Laura H]

He texted me yesterday, but nothing related about us, he just sent me a picture of his dog he put in a screen at work, that was the way he started our conversation, didn’t reply to the message I sent him the previous night when we talked about us, I didn’t want to mention anything either, we had a normal conversation of how he was doing, feeling, about the rain and weather and all that, as igual, he stopped replying to my texts around 7:42 PM, hasn’t texted me yet. It’s 7:09 AM, I am not expecting anything either to be honest. I was wondering, is there something you could recommend me to tell him to do to try and forget and get over what happened and start communicating again and be able to meet in person and have our talk? I don’t know, any exercise he can practice, anything he can do about it, to get over what happened, based on what you read he told me in our conversation. Every thought in my head that he must be talking to another girl, or maybe thinking on move on and start dating again is disturbing me, I don’t want it’s too late. I know he’s not looking for advises or help from anyone like I am, he doesn’t have any guide of what to do, and i would like to help him if he is willing to listen to me.

[Laura H]

Thank you Heidi, but if I tell you I am convinced about sending that message, I would be lying to you. I am not sure about sending it because I think I’d be losing him and he would push himself away more than what he is now, for what I said, I tried to make him feel better and give us the chance to meet and have a conversation in person and then i would communicate him the problems we have and try to find out what to do with this. I just didn’t want to make him feel worse by telling him the things I don’t like about him and then he’d feel worse and wouldn’t want to talk any time soon. I want to talk with him and find a solution for our problems, but I don’t want to put pressure on him or make him feel worse, I don’t know what he has in his head and how weak his feelings are and how much would affect him that after feeling this way because of a problem we had that I started myself, and then on top of that telling him what I don’t like about him. I didn’t think it was fair, id feel selfish, I want he comes back to his normal self or at least get better and we can talk about our problems and find a solution for them, I don’t know how, but I want him to tell me all he needs I change and I’ll tell him all I need he changes and how we would work on that. How? I don’t know, but if you give me an idea and are willing to help me a little even after I am feeling hesitant on sending the message you advised me, but please be patient with me, I am so afraid to lose him because I’ll be honest with you, this is the first time I’ve have had any type of connection with anyone, the first time I feel so secure about myself, he doesn’t judge me on how I look like, my craziness sometimes, he is fine with that, and that makes me feel secure about me, I have other types of insecurities like jealousy and all that, but I am willing to work on that. Thank you for reading me and advising Me, I hope you can understand and help me out.

[Laura H]

What would you recommend me to do about this? Should I leave him alone completely about this until he recovers or until he decides he can’t recover and breaks up, or should I give him space but at the same time talk to him to show him I care for
Him, maybe suggestions on what I can do to earn his trust again? I know he’s afraid to start over with me and that he has to go through the same type of arguments again, I was thinking about suggesting him to start little by little, maybe meeting for small things like a walk, for dinner, small things that make me earn his trust again? I don’t know if I should try or just leave him alone until he takes a decision, because based on what he told me, he’s having a hard time recovering from that

[Laura H]

Thank you Heidi, I was texting with him for a little, I’ll copy and paste our conversation here, as always I acted so weak with him, but I started having this feeling of guilt and that everything was my fault. Here it is what we talked:

He: I am not sure yet will call sometime and talk more about it

Me: I don’t want to put any pressure on you with this, I want to give you your space to feel better, but also exist and I am part of this, and being honest, this is not making me feel better, I want you to feel good, but at the same time I am not feeling good, it’s been almost 2 weeks now and I don’t know where I stand right now with you

He: I’m trying to think of the same thing. That was alot for me definitely reached my breaking point just trying to see if I can recover from that but haven’t been feeling that good about it

Me: I understand how you feel, and I respect it, I also apologized with you because I didn’t want you felt that way and when we talked on Friday I understood the way you felt and you thought I don’t trust you, but I also told you I do, and I didn’t want you feel I don’t, it’s the completely opposite, everyone feels different, I know that, but I don’t know why you can’t recover of that and just give a chance to feel better again
I know we have had arguments and fights before, everyone does and it doesn’t mean it’s the end, if we don’t talk and we don’t communicate we won’t find a solution and we won’t feel better anymore
I’ve watched every video, I’ve read every blog, books, to try to make it better for us
There is a special something between us, there’s always been a special something here, otherwise we wouldn’t be here right now, a lot of things are new for the both of us dating, specially the fact that we have never been this long with anyone, and also have to understand everyone goes through difficult moments, it’s up to each of us if we want to continue and make things better after. We have had fights before but we rarely talk about it after cooling down, we just forget it happened and we don’t talk how to improve those things, that’s one of the reasons why it keeps happening and the communication issue that we have never talked about either

He: I know where you are coming from and I appreciate all you are trying to do to help but I have not been that frustrated in a long time. I didn’t even know what to say and still really don’t. I don’t feel like being intimate with you or anything right now it’s just not that quick that I can change all of that. But I’m trying to find some ways I can that’s why I need my space right now

Me: I know, and I am trying to give you space, I am barely texting you, and it’s not because I don’t miss you or I don’t want to talk, it’s because I want you feel better and I know space is what you need

He: I am looking forward to talking This through with you but I don’t think I could do it successfully right now. I’m hoping I can get there at some point but I’m still hurting from all of that and confused about how to fix things going forward

Me: I know, I am trying, I don’t want to put you through things anymore, I know that’s how you recover from things. I know there is nothing I can do or say to make you feel better

He: Usually is my case but right now I’m kinda lost I don’t know what I want or what I need to hear just frustrated and confused

Me: But what do you think was the exact thing that made you feel that way?
The exact words or action. Maybe we can start from there

He: Both really and then I don’t like how I handled the whole thing after either I couldn’t even talk or think

Me: But the main thing that made you feel this way is that you think I didn’t trust you like you said on Friday?

He: It’s more then that but that is what I could think of after the fact but it was the whole thing really the actions the reactions I just can’t handle that anymore

Me: I am sorry, I am truly sorry you felt that way, I trust you more than in anyone, for me you are the best thing I can think of right now
All this time dating you for me have been more than perfect, everyone has their ups and downs, our ups have been more than the downs
We have had a lot of good times even in the distance
We have been there for each other every time in the 2 years we have known each other
We have had our differences, but they are minimum compared on the nice and fun times
The only thing I can think of is think about the nice times we have had, try to replace your negative thoughts and feelings for the positive ones

He: I would agree and I have been trying but I can’t escape that memory of how I felt that day. I haven’t felt like that since I can’t remember

Me: I don’t want to lose you and what we have for that thing I started myself
I know you don’t trust me the same after that, but I can promise you, I can swear, that was the first and only time that would happen, that wasn’t the best of me, and I told you what was something that contributed to the feelings I had in the moment, but I already forgot about it, right now I just want you happy and get over that because I know that’s not making you feel happy
I am trying to be better, I am trying to have a better communication with you, I am trying to work on my insecurities

He: I enjoy our time together, it’s our time apart that has been the hardest since the start.(that should be a song^lol) I hope those issues wouldn’t find their way into our time spent together. I thought we could be more normal with each other. I’ve been trying to be more myself around you, be more open. I haven’t gotten the same from you that much on that which is also frustrating me lately.

Me: That will be our song. I know, but being honest with you, the time apart from you is frustrating for me, that was why I was going to tell you when you got better than if you are not
Working over time on Friday, I’d come over after work since I am out at 3, and we could
Spend a few hours together. I am sorry you feel that way, I like when you are yourself with me, I’ve asked you that, I appreciate the way you are, I like you the way you are, I wouldn’t change anything on you, I try to be myself with you, the only thing is that sometimes I get shy with you too because of what you mean for me, I don’t want to screw it up

He: You don’t need to feel shy with me I keep telling you that you can tell me whatever if I am friendly you should be friendly as well even if you have to fake it
I want that version to be how you are all the time not just with me in public around others by yourself everything. If you want to feel a certain way about me then you should feel the same way about all people that will help you everywhere

That was everything, he didn’t respond to my other texts, I guess he got tired or overwhelmed, he talked more than what I expected. He has a very difficult personality and a lot of things going on in his head, but I always try to cheer him up and mention all positive things, I don’t focus on the negative to make him feel better even if right now I am telling you all that about him, I wouldn’t tell that to him because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I feel guilty because I think I was the one who started with the fight and now he’s feeling that way, I didn’t know about his feelings, he just told me and I feel bad

[Laura H]

He didn’t text me yesterday, but I decided to text him today to ask how he’s doing, he responded to me, then after a little I asked him if he wanted to come to visit or if he wanted me to go to visit him to catch up on things of the last 2 weeks we have been distant, he told me he couldn’t do that tonight, I said I understand. I asked him what is the timeframe for the space he’s taking, how much time he needs, so I can keep it in mind, no pressure or anything, and said I respect and understand it, he said he is not sure yet, that he will call me sometime to talk about it. I told him this: “ I don’t want to put any pressure on you with this, I want to give you your space to feel better, but also exist and I am part of this, and being honest, this is not making me feel better, I want you to feel good, but at the same time I am not feeling good, it’s been almost 2 weeks now and I don’t know where I stand right now with you”. I understand men need space and a lot
Of things women do pull them away, but at the same time I need a response, I need to know where I stand at, it’s been two weeks already, and this doesn’t feel fair, I want him to feel good, but at the same time I am not feeling good, I am hurt and he’s only thinking about what’s right for him, I think this is a selfish attitude of men, and we women are the ones who have to work on understanding them and make them happy and do what makes them feel happy, but what about us? I am feeling so disappointed, I don’t want to lose him but I don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve done a lot

[Laura H]

Hi Heidi,

The fight was because he showed me pics of a pregnant girl in his phone and he carrying the baby when he was Born, he told me it was a friend, but months before he told me he used to date her, then he said it was just a friend, that hurt me and I asked him why he had those pics saved in his phone from 2019, he got offended because he thought I was doubting him and not trusting his word, he called my jealous and insecure, I didn’t mean to start a fight with that, I just wanted an explanation, he said that was before meeting me and that was his friend, nothing else and he wanted to show me the pics but regretted after because of my reaction, I left him alone for like 2 hours while I processed everything and then I came back and brought it up again because I wanted to talk about it, he doesn’t take arguments in a good way, he always overreact about it, he doesn’t understand when you want to have a conversation about something, he things I am always starting an argument. That day he wouldn’t see me or touch me, I went home and he stayed in contact with me that same weekend, then communication started to slow down and all that I already explained above. He texted me yesterday asking me how was my day and to talk for a little, he didn’t mention anything about the fight but I don’t know want to overlook this, I want to talk about it, he stopped replying to me at 8:00PM and haven’t heard from him again, I don’t know what I should do to be able to get back to him asking for a talk and see him without sounding needy, without overwhelming him or push him back, I really need to talk and see him, I also have needs that have to be satisfied, but he’s not doing any of that, I don’t know how to communicate it to him without getting him more upset because we still through this.
Also, he use to ask for space or just take it without letting me know, sometimes he is texting me the whole day and sometimes he doesn’t text at all, it’s so weird his attitude, he has never been in a relationship with anyone, he has never been this long with anyone, he has problems committing and it’s the same with me, the only difference is that I’ve been able to get things from him like time and some effort he didn’t use to make before, everything we have seems like if we were in a relationship, b it he doesn’t want to call it that way, he wants to keep calling it dating, his parents and everyone knows we have been dating all this time, he talks about me with them because he has told me, but he doesn’t want to formalize it. He has many issues inside of his head that he doesn’t communicate with me, he’s bad at communicating, so bad, he doesn’t like arguments or he doesn’t like I don’t like things he does, he doesn’t want me to complain about anything, he wants everything happy and perfect all the time, like having me in mute even if I don’t like something. Every time things like this happen and he starts to withdraw is so hurtful because I want to have him close and talk and fix things, but he takes weeks before he can see me again. Like I said above, I’d like to approach him in a way he doesn’t feel overwhelmed or push himself back again, to ask him to meet in person soon, I have my needs and if we are dating exclusively, he should be there for me, I wouldn’t be able to cheat on him it doesn’t matter how bad things are, I am not that way, I can’t look at anyone that’s not him. He every time we have an argument or anything that makes him feel disappointed tells me that he tries to end things between us and walk away but then he comes back and he doesn’t know why. It’s a lot of things going on here. The commitment thing and his attitude are the biggest ones.

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