[Corinne D]

Hi Spyce!

Gosh, you definitely have pointed out some interesting thoughts!

I don’t know that he is at a point (so soon in a relationship) that I would be able to “suggest” a correction in his course, especially if he isn’t willing to do so on his own. I will say, he has admitted to trying self help types of development (reading books and maybe even some of what I’m doing right now to try to dig deeper to our inner selves to (hopefully) improve some of our flaws. I noticed some books on the bedside (Scary Close being one of them).

I do reflect now on this and a few past relationships where I certainly felt this same type of struggle of giving more than receiving, as well as making an excuse for potentially poor behaviors. I have been intentionally single for quite some time for many reasons, the biggest being a very traumatic relationship I had from 2012-2015, then a period of just not finding good connections that kept my interest, one shorter relationship that ended due to timing in 2018, then Covid where I was more interested in family than dating random men! I finally put myself back out there early this year and that’s when I found this man I “was” with until just now.

I’ve certainly been in other relationships where they have “given” to the higher degree, where I get uncomfortable vs. embrace it (like I feel I should). I do think I seek joy in giving, so I recognize this could be an internal challenge of my own to figure out the right balance within a relationship. I seem to find too little (usually) or too much and I’m smothered. I have debated if this should be what I want (because obviously it would be nice to have a more balanced give and take).

One of our deeper conversations we had about 10 days ago was about how life isn’t always perfect, it isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, but I wasn’t going to just leave because the fun was gone for a little bit. I almost wonder if that part of the conversation scared him, because perhaps he just isn’t ready for that level of a relationship, or never had someone that WOULD stay for any part of life’s challenges. This I don’t really know. His family life is a bit rocky, and isn’t close to his parents at this stage (which is the total opposite to my life, where my mom is one of my closest friends in my adult life).

I think the “different” that drew me to him was our chemistry, how well we get along (when we aren’t talking about anything too serious), many of the things we enjoy in life are spot on! We spent most weekends together since we met and he was fulfilling all those things that I wanted in a partner, until it got more serious, and I put off this “I want more” vibe. I do feel I may have jumped the gun in my excitement that I found someone that did interest me this much, so here I am, back to what feels like the drawing board…

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