[Marianne W]

Thank you for your answer.

I said that he didn’t tick any of my boxes in the beginning. Before we started talking and before I got to know him. He is not a guy I would have turned my head for on the street. But after getting to know him we connected on a deeper level. I have never felt so safe, so loved and so understood as he made me feel. I still feel all that.

If he is my person? I kind of wish he wasn’t, but I think he might be. He has seen the real me, all sides of me and he is still here supporting me through everything. Making me feel safe and loved. And that’s why I really want our friendship to stay strong for now since at this time of our lives we can not be together as lovers.
I’m working really hard with my head these days to change the way I think. I’m trying to tell myself that he loves me so much that he let me go so that I could get kids like I desperately want. And he told me he wanted to be an uncle for them when they arrive.
He is an amazing person. I have never met someone who like him. And I don’t say that just because I still have romantic feelings for him. He is an amazing father, a good role model, a true and supportive friend. He has proven to me that he will always be there when I need him. That’s why I really want this friendship to work. I want my kids to have him as a man they can look up to and rely on.

And I’m not closing my eyes for anyone else, but for now I’m more than busy enough with this ivf single mom plan. I’m ok with being single for now and probably many years forward. This journey has and it still is changing me as person. I’m still working on getting back to the “me” I used to be before all the surgeries, artificial menopause, ivf cycles and miscarriages. Im not in a good place mentally to meet someone new now.

But I want him in my life, I want the spark between us to still burn. Not the way it was when we were together, but in a “I want you in my life and you are still very special to me”-kind of way.
And maybe we are just supposed to be friends and if that’s so I’m ok with that. But in 10, maybe 15 years, when the timing is more right I´d like for it to still be a chance for us if it is meant to be.

But for now I want his friendship, I want him as an uncle for my kids and I want to be there as a good friend to him. One that he knows he always can come to and that will support him no matter what. The friend who never judge him. Cuz he has done the same for me and I’m forever grateful for that.

Marianne

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