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Hi Heidi,
I have been journaling. It has been a week since then I have texted twice and while he has responded so cold, and distant. I asked him if he has been okay, he says yes just working very long hours. Then I informed him, I saw our Netflix was on hold, so I said, “hey I know your exhausted and working hard, I thought you could find some relaxation for yourself a watch a nice show since you’re working so hard”. He responded, “thank you, I haven’t really been Watchin much tv lately recently at all.” I said, “I’m so sorry that you’re working these intense hours.” Then no response.
What has been challenging of course is the distance. Whenever we would have communication issues it would be a drunken fight from either one of our sides which would be about very petty issues. We would apologize the day after, then move on. We always got over it, or Atleast tried do to so. When I pulled away for a month, it was another drunken fight and he said some hurtful things about my character, and it gave me a little PTSD because my ex did this to me in my whole marriage. I’ll be clear in this month frame I did withdrew, however I still talked to him everyday, it was just scarce and we would still fall asleep on video.
I was married for 9 years. It was fast to jump in, we both serrated from our spouses and relied on one another and fell in love with each other and were inseparable. With my last relationship, I am actually over it indefinitely.
My heart is just telling me that I should pursue him, I feel there is still a special connection there. I want to tell him that we can build a future together, we can be strong, we can work on communication, and I can show him that I am capable of change for communication and building a future together.
I keep going back and fourth in my mind, trying to see if I should send the I need help text to try to give him a hero insight. Or to text more on the understanding portion.
Am I just being desperate at this point? It’s hard to see such a change in someone who doted over me and now is acting like I’m a stranger.
