[Mia B]

This guy gives me peace and comfort. We enjoy each other’s company and still care for each other a lot.
These past months, I don’t have anything that I love about how he’s been treating me. I felt like I’ve been used and emotionally abused because of the roller coaster of emotions we are both experiences.
Before all this… he treated me with love and care as if I’m always his number one.
We do care for each other genuinely and had the same goals. We want a monotonous relationship and be each other’s priorities. But now, we see commitment differently.
We sat down to figure out what the problem is in our marriage recently and I’m not sure if it’s the right time. But when looked at our list, communication, open-marriage, and time-apart was the common factors.
I want US to work on this together and I’ve expressed that to him.
He doesn’t want a divorce but he wants to try things out with her because he doesn’t want to have regrets and “what-if’s” if he stops his relationship now.

We’ve been married for 6yrs and the open marriage started 2.5yrs ago. But the first time it ever happened was within a year of our marriage and it was just to try out. It wasn’t a problem until we moved to a different state last year and knew nobody in the area so he went online and searched for polygamous couples, behind my back.

He said that he wanted the open-marriage because of the times I’ve had to leave/travel for work. That the time away gives him the opportunity to look around and my not being physically with him is his weakness.

[Mia B]

Opening the marriage was originally his suggestion and I agreed to it, initially. But only when it came to certain people. We already knew a couple who had the lifestyle and so we tried it out. Yes, it was fun!
But after we moved from one state to another, we didn’t know anyone anymore. I was working from home because of the pandemic. He was working outdoors but his work had limited social interaction and was consisdered essential. I was stuck at home getting depressed but I was always excited and ready to be intimate when he got home. I was craving the interaction and attention. Little did I know, he was looking around for couples to play with online. I never asked for it nor did I want it since we moved. I had to force myself to be intoxicated in order to “perform”.
I believe that’s when we started to fall apart. I started to crumble as didn’t want the polygamous relationship anymore. We had one conversation about it but nothing changed. When the pandemic started to let up, I started traveling again. And so he started looking around, again.
We are not good at confrontations. We both know that. So we avoided it.
Until I gave him the ultimatum, which then, now led to a separation.
But this week, has been different. He had an argument with his person and they haven’t talked since the weekend. (At least according to him.)
So he’s been spending time with me over the phone and physically.
We’ve been intimate and he says that he loves me. But he’s not ready to start over again, yet. He also said that he misses her.

What is the best way to communicate in a deeper and vulnerable way without pushing him away?

[Mia B]

I think this all started when we both wanted to please each other. We were secure with our relationship until we started/opened the door to the temptation of a third party.
We had fun.
It was fun until it lasted. We never really had a fight before. We would calmly talk about issues but bigger concerns were never addressed to the root of the problem.
This is the biggest hurdle we’ve had. And we went through a lot of legal stuff with our exes.

We talked about starting legal documents for separation/divorce. But we haven’t done anything official. We still care and love each other. We both understand that there’s two people in a relationship and to make it work, we both need to work on it. I’ve made mine and I know what I want. But it’s still his choice if he wants to work on it or not.

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