Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Yes, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I guess I started giving him money thinking that maybe he would think differently of me because when we split up and I told him that I was not going to give him the money that he asked me for, he got really mad and dumped me. I guess I need to be more honest with myself as well here. I think I’m just going to be honest with him and tell him how I feel and if he doesn’t respond well then at least I’ll know where I stand. Thank you.
I’ve wondered if I should invite him out for something quick like coffee and see what he says. Like if he says no because he’s too busy, that will tell me that he just doesn’t want to make time for me because like I said, he’s taking time off for other things. Either way, it would tell me that he doesn’t have time for me and I’m wasting my time here. I know that the money complicates things and I have told him that I don’t want him to feel like he’s obligated to me for that. Like he doesn’t have to drop what he’s doing to get back to me because I understand he’s busy. At the same time, I don’t want it to seem like I’m saying he doesn’t have to put any effort in which I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ve communicated so that was a mistake there. I just didn’t want him to think that I was going to get mad if you didn’t answer me back pretty quick. What should I say to him as far as his effort or whatever, like how much effort he has to make? I do not want to communicate to him that he doesn’t have to make an effort at all. I don’t want him to think that I don’t see myself as worthy of someone’s time. If he can’t give it to me, I know that there’s plenty of other men out there who would. At this point, it would be nice to build something but at the same time, as I said, there’s plenty of other fish in the sea. I’m just kind of to the point that whatever happens, happens at this point. I’m to the point that I know that I’ll be okay without him but you’re right that I never got over him.
When I said he has not made time for me, what I mean is that I have not seen him face-to-face. Partly that was due to covid but now he just keeps telling me that he’s working two jobs. The thought comes up in my mind though that if he has time to see his family which is fine, I’m not saying I don’t want him to see family but if he can take time off for things like that then surely he can take time off for me and it’s just making me question a lot of things now that you said it.
Hi, I’m sorry I know it’s confusing but we have been in contact for these last five years except for me going no contact right after it happened. Like I did the 30 days no contact. In the last few months though, we have been speaking daily and have been getting closer. I have not told him how I feel at all. I did not want to put pressure on him because he’s working two jobs. I don’t know if I should just go ahead and be honest with him because whatever happens, happens. He has not really made time for me but as I said, he’s working two jobs. The thought has crossed my mind as to whether or not he may be using me though. She knows I get paid tomorrow and I asked him if he was good until then and he said yes because his bills don’t come in till the end of the month. I’m thinking about waiting till next week before I send him anything. I noticed a pattern where if he doesn’t hear from me for a few days he will reach out but now you’ve got me wondering if it’s just about the money. He says that he wants to know that I’m okay and that he cares about me. If that doesn’t necessarily mean anything other than what he said. I understand that. I think instead of sending him money tomorrow, I’m going to wait a few days and see if he reaches out because he has not done so since Tuesday and it is Thursday now. I’m sorry that I did not make it clear that we have been in contact all this time. Do you think I should wait a few days and see if he reaches out on his own and maybe that will give me some kind of idea as to whether or not it’s about the money or do you think I should just go ahead and be honest with them and let whatever happens happen?
First off, thank you for the compliment. I’ve been through a lot in my life and to me, the Phoenix represents coming through all of that to the other side. That being said, to answer your question what cause The Break-Up was money. He needed a loan back then and at the time I did not feel comfortable giving it to him because we hadn’t been seeing each other that long and I didn’t know him that well. He said that we could have paperwork notarized that he had such and such time to pay me back. Still, I didn’t feel comfortable. He did message me this morning apologizing and saying that he had relatives come in from New York. He said that’s why he hadn’t been answering. At this point I think I’m just going to let things be how they are and not try to rush anything. Also, you’re right about me not being honest with him and getting hurt and upset because he’s responding without knowing how I feel. I guess I don’t want to be completely honest with him right now because he’s already going through a lot with two jobs and I guess I just felt like it would put more pressure on him. Do you think I should just be honest with him about how I feel and if so, how should I go about doing it? I did think about that last night, how he doesn’t know how and if he feels the same way been great and if not then at least I know. At least I won’t waste anymore time wondering what may happen. I was going to wait until he got done paying off this debt so that way he wouldn’t have it on his mind. Maybe I should just go ahead and be honest with him?
I messaged him a little bit ago and told him that I would like to keep things strictly business. I’m going to keep helping him financially but other than that I really don’t want any contact with him. I told him that I don’t want him to take this like I don’t care about him because I do but that I think I’ve been acting too much like a partner and that I need to back off. He’s not giving me what I need and it’s keeping me from finding a happy relationship. Most likely that he is not able to but I just realized how unhappy I am and that I would rather just move on from this. Things seem to be going well for a while but then he started going silent on me again and I realize that I deserve better than that. If he really loved me and wanted to be with me, it wouldn’t matter what was going on in his life, he would make time for me and he’s not doing it, at least not to the extent that I need. I need somebody who is 100% invested into the relationship and I just feel like it’s not reciprocal to the point that I need it to be. I think I’m just going to take what I’ve learned here and move on and apply it to someone else. If he asks me why I’m backing off tomorrow, I’m going to be honest with him and tell him that I have caught feelings again and that I think it would be best if I back off. I just don’t want it to keep me from finding someone who is ready to be with me.
He has said that I don’t bother him at all but that it takes him awhile to get back to me because he has to wait till he has a minute. I realize now that I’m expecting more out of him than he can give me so I’m going to tell him that I’m still going to help him out financially but that I prefer to keep our relationship businesslike. I want more out of him and he’s not at a point that he can give it to me and I understand that. It’s because of his job but it may also be that he’s not willing to and I feel like it’s keeping me from finding somebody that can love me. Worst case scenario, he goes away and best case scenario, it instills a fear of loss in him. I’m going to let him know that I’m not angry but that I think it would be best for us to keep it to strictly business right now. Do you think I should do that or do you think that it would make him fear losing me or would he just entirely go away?
I just remembered something and I thought it was important to mention. We’ve been broken up for 5 years, we did no contact at first, I initiated it. After about a month, we got back into contact but it was very sporadic which I expected. Lately, in the last couple of months he’s been reaching out on his own and a couple of weeks ago when he didn’t hear from me for 3 days, he reached out and said well I see that you’re back on Facebook but you’re not answering my messages. We are friends on Facebook. He said, I’m sorry for whatever I did to send you away again. I responded by telling him that he did nothing wrong and that I had just been busy. Now he’s not really responding to my messages at all and leaving me on read. I don’t understand why he goes hot and cold like this. I understand that sometimes when men start to catch feelings, they freaked out and back off. I consider that as a possibility because we had been getting close so emotionally here in the last few weeks. I don’t know if maybe he’s confused about how he feels because he’s been really hot and then all of a sudden he’s gone cold again. I can’t help having these thoughts like it’s another woman but I really think it’s his job. That being said, it kind of bugs me because like they say, you make time for the things that are important to you and he’s got to come home sometime. I’m trying not to let my emotions rule this whole situation but it’s really starting to make me feel like I just don’t matter to him. Especially after how good I’ve been to him and it’s just really making me feel bad. It’s not making me feel bad about myself, it’s just hurting me that he doesn’t seem to care about me at all even though he says he does. I tell him that I appreciate him reaching out to check on me and he says you know I care but then he does this. I just don’t understand what the problem is.
I will say that whenever he backs off, I back off. I don’t start messaging him back-to-back. In fact, I don’t even really message him at all. I just wait for him to reach out to me. He’s told me it takes him awhile to answer messages because it’s hard for him to even look at them until he gets a minute so I just backed off.
