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Thank you so much for your help, I love your transparency approach, and looking at it from a different perspective I see now how we keep getting our wires crossed and the mixed signals that I thought were clear yet came out all over the place. Before I read this I did contact him just asking how he was because I haven’t seen him at the gym in awhile. He apparently was still in the field (he’s a marine) and just got back in town. We texted back and forth some but he barely kept the conversation going unless it was about sex. I mean he has been out in the field for 2 weeks so I get it but he’s definitely being distant still and pulling away so I haven’t brought up anything about us getting together to talk. It’s really not that I want to give up easily because I know how great we could be and how well we get along and accept each other for who we are. I just would rather walk away than get rejected by him because if he in particular rejected me I know how devastating that would be. And no, I never had therapy for the horrible stuff with my husband. In a lot of ways I still feel stuck with no clue what to do in order to progress forward. I’m normally a very private person who keeps most things to myself but I know that’s not the healthiest way to go about things. So do you think I should stick to the plan and ask him to talk? I’m sure he would have to think I’m a flight risk since I do disappear for a few days after one of our episodes of things coming off wrong so would it be better if I stayed in contact consistently before the talk? Or since he’s pulling away do I just back off and hope he comes back to me? And thank you again for your help. I love your input and the fact that you actually give advise is amazing.
I feel like he is running away though 🙁 it’s been almost 2 weeks now since I’ve seen or heard a word from him. Yes I was the one to not respond but I didn’t because his last text just didn’t seem like one was even needed. The stuff with my late husband really messed with my head because I trusted him, took up for him, believed every word he said and come to find out it was all lies and there wasn’t much he wasn’t doing behind my back. And this is the first time I’ve cared about anyone since then so I know I’m letting my insecurities get the best of me and I am definitely my biggest critic. Mostly what I’ve done is push him away, stop talking to him for days at a time to try and make myself care less and distance myself. Then he pulls away of course and I freak out and tell him “fine I’ll find someone else” and things like that. And I’ll get paranoid that there’s something going on with him that he’s hiding which definitely comes from my marriage. I’m all about leaving before I get left I guess but it’s all just came out as confusing and werid and I’m sure he’s just over it and doesn’t want a thing to do with me anymore. I definitely want to talk to him and try to set up a time to meet so I can hopefully tell him how I feel but how should I even go about that? Just ask him how he’s been or why I haven’t seen him at the gym?
I don’t know I feel like I have told him how I felt but yes over text and he definitely could’ve taken it the wrong way because he usually does. But I’ve seriously done everything wrong that I could’ve possibly done with the needy attraction killing insecurity stuff (while also still pretending I’m a hardass) and it’s just came off as all over the place and crazy snd I’ve felt him slowly slipping away the past 2 weeks before. And now i just haven’t heard from him at all. The last time we did text back and forth was last Sunday and I wrote out this big long crazy message and he told me he read it but was packing up to leave the field so he’d get back to me in a few but he never did. I texted him back the next day saying there wasn’t anything he really had to say and he said they got busy at work and I never texted back.
