[Stephanie B]

Heidi,

The one other thing I’m struggling with is that I had a very special gift made for him for his birthday, which is at the end of this month. It isn’t something I can return, sell or give to anyone else. It is literally all about him.

For me to send it across town via UPS will cost me an arm and a leg, so I am really struggling with trying to figure out how to give it to him. Before I knew about this other person, I would’ve swung by his house and dropped it off… Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks!
Stephanie

[Stephanie B]

Hi Heidi!

I appreciate you being blunt. I’ve always preferred people not beat around the bush.

Here’s the interesting thing… When I’ve been able to be in person, he does deal with his emotions. It’s when I can’t be in person, not by my choice but because his walls are up, that he shoved his feelings under the rug.

I am well aware that he has demons made of fear. He’s been super honest about that. And when I did tell him I loved him, hi knew it scared him just by the look on his face. He also verbally verified this later on.

Through a lot of therapy and soul searching over the last few months, I’ve come to understand that I have an anxious attachment style when I’m given the silent treatment. I do have PTSD related to abandonment, that truthfully I thought I had really dealt with. If I had actually given him the space he requested when I hurt his feelings or he would’ve been open to having an in person conversation, I don’t think we’d be apart right now.

As for why I love him, there’s something about him that I can’t put my finger on. He feels like home. He brought pure joy, calmness to my life. He made me want to be a better person. For the first time in my life, I could see myself growing old with him.

So yeah… I’d love to be more than in touch with him. I want him back.

Stephanie

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