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Hi Heidi,
wow thank you for that answer. Well actually we spent 3 months seeing each other face to face while he lived here and I already lived with him for a month in the US and I’ve been able to see him stressed out or busy and even mad at something that was an accident and he never treated me bad or was impulsive. He was still kind and understanding. we also lived the day by day routine, where he was so loving, never expecting me to cook or clean or anything, it was amazing and I got to see his needs like time alone or needing to be quiet. We’ve been together now for 8 months and the distance thing has always been the issue but he’s never suggested any solutions or options he can do, we always talk about how I need to keep looking for a job and earn more money.Yes, we make things going during the time we’re apart. We chat and we talk through FaceTime but maybe I can suggest him to make things more fun while being apart. But I think I haven’t expressed my desire of becoming a team, like we can work this out together, I’ve also have accepted the responsibility since I felt kind of bad by being the one who was born in a poor country but I believe I shouldn’t feel like that about where I was born. And yes, maybe he’s not up to this in the end but, actually, don’t know what he was expecting then since he was the one who told me he wanted a committed relationship with me… Like he didn’t have all the variables then, me being from a third world country makes it very difficult to move to another country in a legal way, and expensive. I’ve been doing research about it, and it’s crazy hard to get to the US. I can do it but I need some more time. He was expecting me to have a job by this time so we could live in the same city by October. I’ve been trying everything but I’ve been feeling alone in the process, like I need to reach him, or maybe he thinks he’s done enough or he’s doing enough… How can I ask him if he feels he’s done enough and I’m the one that needs to change her career, her country? Like, he could be also looking for a 100% remote job that allows us to be in the same place longer and not me always going there since is much more expensive. But doesn’t give any options, he’s just like: if you don’t earn this much money and live in the same city as me, we’ll break up. He had also said that if I get a job in another country than mine he could find a job there, like maybe in Europe. But I haven’t been able to even get an interview with a European company.
But I’ll make the next convo much slower and ask the questions you suggested about money. I just want to feel that we’re in this together, that’s not just my responsibility… I’ve told him also that I’m willing to pay for my trip next time, save money, having a budget, cuz that’s what I can control now, being hired by a company is not in my hands even though I’m doing and have kept doing things to make it happen. But yes, you’re totally right… I didn’t know him that much to make this whole change in my life.
Any other thoughts after reading this part? Thank you so so much for the help.
