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It took me time to realize how it had affected me in my daily life! But I discovered some things! Most of the goals I’d set for myself would be because of someone else! Either I need to get fit again and get my revenge body because of an ex or I’d strive to be someone that can fits into the box of the guy I want! I’m very sneaky about this actually and it kinda embarrassing to say out loud! But how I’m okay with let someone mold me! Maybe it’s me being used to always having expectations to live up to and my mom telling me if I listen to what she say and do that, I’ll be on the right track! I wanna be comfortable just being me in my own skin and having to prove myself always! Unconsciously I’m constantly proving myself to someone and to be fair, I’m sick and tired of it
I’ve always chased the love of my mom! She was pretty much emotionally unavailable too! I’d always go out of my way as kid to make presents for her just to hear some soft words coming out of her mouth! I’ve always put my value on how she treated me! She’s a great mother and I know she loves me but she had a hard time showing it! I’d chase words of affirmations from her and wanted conformation! She would often compare me to others and say “be more like that” I was never really good enough for her! All those things I chased in my childhood is still things I’m chasing to this day! Someone who gives me reassurance and express his love to me but I’m also quickly to accept the bare minimum treatment cause I’ve been so used to it.
And I also have a tendency of making small gestures and words mean more than what they should mean!I’d love that! Please send me the informations
I would love to have your help and learn more about myself! Cause I don’t know where to even start. I know that I will never have a successful relationship if the relationship I have with myself is non existent or successful itself. I want to be able to choose myself first and foremost before anyone else.
Thank you so much! I definitely need to do some deep thinking about my own behaviour and how I let it get this far! My friend told me that I’m too much of a giver. As in, I give 110% effort and thought into a relationship but I’m never receiving the same energy back and I just accept it. I need to find out why I’m so quickly to accept the bare minimum when I give more than maximum. I need to find out why I don’t react as soon as I see the red flags. I thought I had myself figured out but not all haha! I accept way less and that needs to change! Now that I think of it, I’ve always tried to convince exes why I’m so good for them and they shouldn’t lose me. Pathetic but that’s my issue thing I guess!
I’ve never fallen for a guy through video chatting, texting and just talking on phone before and I did not believe it was possible until it happened to me! But it’s definitely not for all people cause it’s hard in itself! When the times comes to that I’d definitely prefer a local guy or at least a guy that’s making the effort to come see me! My lovely friends have been with me in this since day one! And I came on here cause my feelings clouted my judgement and their judgment! It was way easier taking advise from people I don’t know at all than my closest people which really weird to me! But thank you, I’ll definitely write if I have something on my heart.
I took what you said to heart and thought it through completely. You’re absolutely right and I took the step of letting him go! One of the hardest things I’ve done and it really hit him as well. But it’s the right thing to do! If our feelings and connection was genuine and real I have no doubt that the universe will reconnect us when the time is right, but meanwhile I’m gonna focus on myself and let him find himself. It’s a blow to ones ego to think “I’m not enough to make him happy” but that’s our minds and ego that’s standing in the way of the truth. It’s not the case! I can’t help hoping that the universe will reunite us, and I will finally get to be there for him, to celebrate his victories with him, to know that I give him true happiness, to grow old with him, and to watch and help him grow strong. But for now, we need to go our separate ways and I need to heal. My feelings have never been so pure for a guy before and letting that go is hard but again it’s the right thing. Thank you for all your help and advice, I appreciate it enormously!
Hi Heidi! Thank you for your very uplifting words!
You’re so right and that’s exactly what I’ve realised that he needs to do it for himself and no one should be a motivation for him to change. For him to build his character and find himself he needs to do that based on his own desires and needs.
Something new happened. He texted me how much he misses me and feels incredibly guilty over how he handled the whole situation and ended up hurting me. He also said that it doesn’t mean he changed his mind cause how will he ever give me happiness and worry about my joy when he doesn’t have it within himself. It made much sense and I told him I’m not gonna stand in the way of you finding yourself and what you need in life and I miss him too. He said he really wants me in his life even as a friend cause losing me and not ever hearing from me is an unbearable thought. That’s when it gets tricky for me. I said “I still have feelings for you so how will this ever work” and he said he has feelings for me too but that it’ll be good not to lose touch with each other. I told him I’m not gonna sit around and wait for you to one day tell me you’re ready for me and he said that I shouldn’t do that and if we’re meant to be, it’ll happen regardless one day and how he realised while we had no contact in two weeks how much I mean to him and I’m everything he wants in woman an it took this time away for him to realise it. But how’s that being friends then? He’s still entertaining my feelings and making sure my heart is stuck on him but he’s not ready to build anything with me yet.. I’ve never been this confused in my life! Normally I’d never stay friends with an ex but it’s difficult when he lives so far away?l, to let everything go cause I’ll never know anything about him and he’ll just go back to being a stranger in this world for me. Just seeing his name on my phone and him texting me made all the horrible feelings and hurt in me go away.. What should I do? Am I lying to myself and prolonging my heartbreak?
Thank you for your very honest answer and I must say you’re right. The things I’m losing is in my head.. My illusion of him, my dream I had for almost two years, the future we planned together and what I’m realising is, all those things are things I don’t even have right now, so how am I losing something I don’t even have.. That hurts. I think I cherished the fact that for the first time in my life, someone wasn’t “with” me because of my body but he fell for the real me! But he’s a guy that’s stuck in his old ways as he said and don’t know how to change. And if I’m not a motivation, that says it all! Time to heal up and let him go
