[Lisa]

Hi Heidi!
Thank you for your compassionate and valuable insight. You are very spot-on with everything. My last relationship was a narcissistic relationship, and that has been my trend my whole dating life. I have been trying to break it, and I have been on this journey of uncovering things from my childhood for a very long time (about 14 years). I am currently unpacking more with my therapist about my relationship with my mother. She has borderline and narcissistic personality disorder characteristics and nothing is “ever enough”. I also had to take on the parent role at a young age because she was not capable most of the time. My self-esteem and self-worth were greatly impacted, and I’m still working on gaining that. I have a fairly good relationship with my dad. I get along with him and he’s supportive, but he was always very disconnected from everything. It was his coping style.
My main struggle now is “choosing myself” and not feeling guilty about it. Since I took the parent role at a young age, and if I didn’t give my mother what she wanted, (and still do this day), she throws the guilt trip on me. Luckily I am more aware of that now, but I am working on uncovering the unconscious layers that still affect me in my relationships. Putting myself first, meeting my needs, and following my truth is very very difficult and I feel an inner resistance because the way I received love as a child was by offering myself up and putting my mother first. I am doing EMDR, but if you have any other suggestions, that would be great!
Thank you again for your response. It is very much appreciated.

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