[Eva Spinaci]

oh i feel kinda anxious about getting to know this new boy ,im eorried about what i will say or how i will behave ,or if i will feel embarrassed .We will meet in a club, do you think the choice of the appointment place makes the difference or is it irrelevant? do you think some arguments are offlimits in this occasion? or do you have some questions reccomendetions to get to know him better in his intentions ?😰🤯 i will sure be a disaster😂😆
Have a good night Heidi😊

[Eva Spinaci]

Hi Heidi,
You say “That means, a person has to have certain qualities before they get any of that from me. Basically, I have to KNOW that they embody qualities that would honor and respect all of that about me – and I know they embody those qualities because they too value those same things in their life. “ so i have to know he values those things, before giving my qualities to this person ,But the fact is that im in the journey of trying to give value to my time /sexuality/heart/body and peace so im not really good at knowing at first sight if the boy i have in front of me values these aspects. how do you figure it out ?and how can i become good at it too?is it some of these qualities knowable just from how they present themselves before even talk to them?.
For example this week i posted on instagram a video of me doing pole dancing ,and i tagged my pole teacher . One of his friend (i think is a friend of my teacher or an acquaintance ) saw the story and followed me . We started talking and after some talk about our interests and hobbies , our work etc.. i asked him where he usually go in his free time with friends . (we live near one another) He said a name of three places so i took the opportunity and said “oh i’ve never been in that place! I think I’ll go there one of these days. And he said “oh tell me in advance when you go so we can have a beer together :)” (this last Sunday) .We have talked after it without problems ,he didnt ghosted wow 🤩. We’re talking about art and films and things like this but in this position i cant ask him about more deep things like i dont know ..his family ,his past , his past relationships (do i have to ask??) or if he values peace and his heart. For example to know if be values peace j would ask what type of friends he has , what type of lifestyle he has to know better , but he already said me he does the social manager, he has an art collective , he does some djsets and goes to some concerts. But…how can i describe how i feel … at the same time i feel like i still dont know nothing about his life , because ..lots of people goes to concerts but how can i know what type of specific person he is when he hoes to concerts,like the calm one ore the type who pushes to go forward in a row? Or how can i know if he is bossy or introvert?I know its normal to not to know this specific things about a person but i have the feel that i’m not used to catch some little signals that says it loudly what type of person im talking with. Do you have some advices?…for example how to know if he’s testing you or if it is his everyday personality like this ?or.. how can i guess what type of girl he’s searching for?to not waste mine and his time.

“That tells you he is not picky with who he exchanges energy with. That tells you he doesn’t really respect women and the divine feminine energy.”
What is feminine energy? and from your personal point of view?

“So when a guy approaches me, I can get a strong sense of his intentions, regardless of the words he uses. When I am sensing that his words and energy do not line up, I will start to ask certain questions and behave in certain ways to expose his REAL intent. “
Where does this strong sense of hjs intentions comes from? and,
what type of questions do you ask and in what specific scenarios? Do you ask him this questions to embarass him or to let him know that you understood his intent or more logically, to confirm yourself what your intuition already knows(his real intent)?.

Beautiful the analogy to Monet painting❤️

“…tells her that SHE loves her and thinks she is perfect just the way she is – THAT is an energy that is healing and connects that little girl to the truth. Do you think that if she is filled with love, that she can’t change? Acceptance just means you are filling yourself with self-love, just as you are. When you treat yourself that way, change will happen naturally and from a high vibration. Change will occur because it feels good and because it feels right and it is being sourced by self-love, not self-judgment” i think i get the message of what you’re talking about but i think i cant get it fully. I mean i remember myself being in a situation where i was accepted for who i was and that was a beautiful sensation, and yes from that energy is easier to make a Change about ourselves, but what makes it different between when we’re naturally happy like for example “i go out with a dear friend , we laugh , we stay together , we tell ourselves , intimate speeches ,we feel good = high vibrations here “ and “when someone loves us for who we are and we have the courage to make a change because even if we are loved we know we have to change something about our life and behaviour to make this type of good energy indipendent from someone’s approval” . What changes in terms of high vibrations , the importance of the person who supports us? or ..i dont know maybe the fact that this person has accepted something that before we hated about ourselves? and why would this think be relevant to us, why we search for approval from specific people or from all people??
Why would change feel good?i’ve always changed something about myself but before feeling good about the change i always felt for weeks stressed and anxious during the process of changing

Thank you for Michaela Boehm raccomandation .😊 I hope I haven’t asked you too many questions , Thank you for helping me in the process Heidi 💕

[Eva Spinaci]

Goodmorning Heidi. I recall something you answered me “If you want to be seen as more than just someone to have sex with, then you make a guy earn the right to have sex with you. What does that look like? It’s different for each person. If you look at your sexuality and your body as sacred, your heart is sacred, your time is sacred and special, then how would you present yourself to a guy when he approaches you? “ Can you give me some examples? The only new way i imagine to give me value so guys can treat me more like a valuable person is …ok now the only way they can take me is with time and knowing each other ,in the past they could only give me attention and then get me. The only new way is to get to know him better and see if i can trust him, but i feel like my trust on a guy is always broken by their physical flirting…so do i need to change my feeling about the situation or do i need a boy who can control himself for more than one month (to generalize) . Can you give me some examples of some ipotetically girl who treat their sexuality and body as sacred, who protect their heart and time?
“ how would you present yourself to a guy when he approaches you?” i dont know . i think maybe i wouldnt present myself but another person🤣 sorry , but i think i reveal too much insecurities , or maybe thats a lie i say to myself to not think that j could go out with a boy and the situation would be good. No the fact is that i cant see me in that situation because i dont have boy that i know that could be potential “appointment”. I think ,to answer the question, that i have to change the way that i present myself because i say too many indirect sex jokes sometimes, but i think that the problem is that i open up to quickly so they can know every particularity  of my life without even putting effort. So if since the beginning i treat them as friends they maybe could think im easy , that its also easy to take my trust (but the only fact is that j like to talk to people sincerely and without hold things back, but i know…i have to recognize when i can or cant do it). I also think that the problem is that i become mentally stuck when i go out with only a boy that im interested to (thats what usually happen in past situations : they start talking , they start asking me things and i cant answer like a normal person would , so talking without problems about my things…no i get anxious and became awkward for example i start doing cringe verse with the voice (thats what i mean by me not being feminine) or stumble on things …
“This program that “you are not feminine enough to be in a relationship” is full of lies. That’s a story you have created in your mind about your experiences. Where did it come from? How long have you felt that way? Why do you believe that is true? What OTHER reasons could there be for you not having a relationship? ” i always felt not feminine . i always hated to be feminine .my mum also my dad always says /said that im a boy in my behaviour “youre so coarse , you’re not a good looking “ “boys dont like a girlfriend with this behaviour “etc. and in part i believe that not being feminine is a block to have a relationship because all my friends who has a boy are feminine so maybe its true🥲😅 . if i have to describe mg personality, to have a better view, i would associate it with a mix of Dory frome nemo , jack sparrow and teaHacic and instagram public character, so im not the classic type if girl. The other reasons im not having a relationship other than not being feminine is for sure being underneath repellent from affection and someone’s nearness, not trusting me and boys , being moody about what i think about people i have relationship with (also friends and family) and not being happy with my life . if someone would ask me “what would you change about your life ?”, i would say everything except for pole dance .
“Let’s say this program is true…what makes it true? In what ways do you feel like you are not feminine enough? And how does that impact you having a relationship?” i have a feel that i act like a rude boy because underneath i dont want to be seen like attractive , im usual using a gaunt language without articulating well my speeches because im not interested into giving a good impression ,as if the impression i always released jn the past was and have to still be alive now in the present…
“All these things that you don’t like about yourself, will ALWAYS be there” do you mean that in the future this things i dont like now about myself will be there or that there will always be something i dont like about myself?
“The the first place to start is learning how to love and accept those negative parts of ourselves. The truth is, every negative thing comes from hurt and trauma. So embracing and having compassion for those parts of ourselves that are hurting, is what is healing.“
What do you mean by “accepting “ ?how can j accept things i dont like about myself without stopping trying to change it? Doesn’t accepting mean giving up?

[Eva Spinaci]

Hi Heidi G. Thank you for your answer❤️. i can answer to your questions, i’ ve never got help for this situations …i tried for only 4times to go to the psychologist but she wasnt good for me i felt like i couldn’t open to her more than superficially. Yes i badly want him back in mg life he gave me light in my life. With this guy there have been lots of games played by both… you say: “First things first – he needs to respect you. He needs to see you as a valuable person in his life and not just a sexual partner” how? and why ?no guy has ever had interest in me more than the appereance and body so sex .i feel like they cant see more of this .i feel like maybe the problem is also that i cant have friend boy, i dont trust them so im incapable to entablish a friendship, so maybe the problem is also that i only see boy as sexboy(?)i dont know. last month j i’m was talking with one of my girl friend and she said:you talk like boys (i was enthusiastic about a boy appearance, that i saw in the underground ).maybe the problem is that im like them ,i see boy like boy sees girls ,or better:i see boys like ,the boys i attract ,sees me,so its a loop. You say :” trust that the other parts of you are just as valuable and important” but how? everytime a guy approaches me i feel his attraction to me that is only physical …guys approaches at first only because the like you not your personality,am i wrong in this thought?. With this guy ive never went out without being sexual ,the times he asked to hung out with his friends (so nothing sexual) i escaped the invitation more than 3 times. You say “ You dated for 2 weeks and you said he brought out the best in you. How can you bring out those parts yourself, without needing him to activate it in you” maybe giving vent to my passion for dancing?i found this passion 3months ago .is it enough? i have i feel thats not enough spending time in a passion if its ..yes for me ,for mg joy ,but also to spend my mind energy not on thoughts on him . i would like that 1)he contact me again or 2)i wake up every morning not thinking bout him ,not stalking him. At the moment we dont talk since 5months. i said him “farewell” with firm words. the only things that can happen are on instagram ,but thats not important thats a superficial socialmedia.he dont even have my phone number , i changed it last year. The only way i can meet him is going in his neighborhood but i dont want him to see me “searching for his attention again” so i started last week to talk with one of his friends group but i dont think thats a good idea because maybe he thinks i wanna fuck him too or maybe this friends (he always tried to flirt with me)is only making fun of me (infact this evening i proposed me to go to have a drink and now ghosted).How do i feel about myself?hard question , i don’t know.i like my personality because im very determined ,when i want something i will get it (not this boy lol,karma is still working for not giving this boy a relationship possibility when he asked me indirectly 🤣)but the bad aspect of this part of me is that i attach to every goals ,the “at first good and then bad ,but still want to achieve it” and the “good one at first and also in the end”. i like about myself that im very energetic and my strange behavior and awkwardness makes othe people laugh even if they’re sad ,but the bad thing of this aspect id that i think that it can be a repellent for boys attraction because maybe boys think im not feminine enough to be be attracted to me for a relationship . i like about myself that i get out of depression thanks to my determination and great way of being hopeful . i like that i know when to leave a situation especially in friendships.for example most kf my ex friends i leaved them because i knew they didnt have a good influence on me (for example one was toxic i leaved this friendships because i knew she could have the power to put me in. bad path another was a friend that was too much egocentric and my personality couldn’t express well near her. i like about myself that im a good person and that even if sometimes i have bad thought about people or egoistic thoughts,in the end im a good gentle person, if you ask for me i will always be there. the other 2 things i dont like about myself is that i cant have a relationship , i try but its like something underneath me says to me “you cant have ir because its You” infact im always attracted to past pattern (that i leaved ..like the hoe behaviour). i dont lime about myself that i always change my life plans and i cant make priority because they changes based on the situation. i dont like about myself that I don’t know how to set limits on people.

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