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We have been talking more and I told him I appreciate that. I have been showing him more appreciation, but I don’t feel he is doing the same. I have been trying to be a more positive person. He started spending more time at home which I think helps a lot. He still makes rude comments to me though. Like if I feed the kids something he doesn’t approve of, he will make a mean comment. But then the next day he will let the kids have junk food. It is ok if he does it but not me. I don’t know how to respond to these comments without causing drama, so I don’t say anything. I’m trying to create good moments instead of negative ones.
I don’t know how to bring back intimacy as he clearly doesn’t want to even hug me at this point. I have just been giving him space, but I feel hurt and don’t like the situation.
I think some of this is about feeling young again. He has had some health concerns.
I would say things started to get worse when he started hanging out at his friends more about 1 1/2 years ago. They were remodeling their house. Even after the house was remodeled and done he continue to spend lots of time there. Basically, things got worse and worse over time. He does work a lot, and it seems like he was giving all of his good energy to his friends and by the time he got home he was just too tired for me and the kids. I tried to just ignore things and hoped they would get better. I would tell him we need to spend more time together. That just made him feel like I was needy.
Do you offer individual therapy here?
The physical touch including just like kissing, hugs, hand holding stopped fairly recently. My family tells me I’m too nice and so I basically wrote him a letter telling him I didn’t deserve to be treated that way and that things need to change, that was one Nov. 8, 2021. After that the phyical touch stopped. I acknowledged that I’m not perfect and want to improve too. I told him he needed to spend more quality time with the kids. Any way the whole thing blew up in my face. He got angry started blaming me. I told him that I knew he was talking badly about me to his best friend and wife. He completely denied it, said I have never said one bad thing ever. Well, the best friend’s wife told me things he has said. Also he talks badly about me to my parents. He complains about me. Anyway, he got mad at her and is now actually spending a lot more time with us at home instead of with her. He is making a great improvement with our kids though. He is spending more quality time with them since I wrote the letter. The next day after the letter he texted me the next morning and was being much nicer to me. He said, I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk. We’ll talk more when I get home. He did say he loved me.
I would consider working with a therapist.
