[Jacinda W]

Hello Heidi

I have a question. When my husband gets mad because something didn’t go his way or work out on a prospect he is working on. Usually I say I’m sorry and keep quiet other than that. I do know he can’t stand it when I say I’m sorry. It is weird because one time about 2 weeks ago he got mad because a mouse got in his lunch box, And when I said I was sorry it made his actions worse. A few days ago a mouse had once again got into his lunch box and he got mad. This time Instead of saying sorry I said in a semi mad voice stupid little @?!@;@. (I don’t usually cuss) however this time he didn’t get as mad and it seemed to calm his actions a little. I’m not for sure but that is what I observed. I’ve been trying to help him with stuff but he gets upset because his friend hasn’t talked to him much. I feel like he is taking it out on me. How should I act or what should I do when he gets upset. I almost feel like he is testing me. Besides saying sorry I used to go off to be by myself and cry or just be sad. Lately I keep going and haven’t cried or seemed down. I’ve been working hard on better attitude and actions.

JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

Hi Heidi

The taco went better than I expected, but at the same time went to smooth.
She was actually nice and no bad comments towards me. I am still on my guard.

Our anniversary was Saturday, we been together 18 years now. I treated him to breakfast, and got him gifts. He said thanks. No he didn’t get me anything, not even a card. But that is fine I get where he is at. Just trying to figure my next step.
I complement, and thank him on a regular basis. I tell him every morning I Love him, even though he he say it back. I massage his feet often because he has one foot that hurts most of the time.

I went and got my nails done, that is twice in my life. I’ve been working on self care, and reading more material. I’ve been showing a better attitude, and giving him space.

JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

hi Heidi

Thank you so much, and I am working on the turn around. It will take some work but it is important to me.

I do have a question. While I am working on myself for self care, what can I do to turn things around with my husband, when he gets resistant sometimes? I will ask him for help or insight on something and his reply I don’t care. Then other times he is happy to help. I get a little confused when he goes back and forth with his emotions. I definitely read that he is indifferent right now. I desperately want to turn this around but not sure how.

Thank you
JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

Heidi

Yes I am afraid he is thinking of a divorce. I don’t know for sure, but he feels distant. I am working on self care now. After what you said makes sense, so working on thinking differently.

JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

Hi Heidi

Sharing videos, playing music and singing to it, is fun. He has a great voice. That is about it until things change were we will do more.

One more thing I don’t have confidence in is organizing my home. It is bigger than the ones I have grown up in, and gets a little overwhelming. I know I can I just have a fear or something to make it happen, that it won’t look right or my husband not like the way I did it.

Thank you for everything
God bless
JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

Hello Heidi

The answer do I think I’m selfish is yes. I’ve had family tell me that so I have a hard time taking time for myself, because of it.

I am confident in my job, and taking care of my kids. But have very little confidence in being a good wife. I don’t feel good about myself and don’t like to look in the mirror.

Conversations well great example is going to happen tonight. The other woman who try’s to hang out with my husband has invited my husband and myself for tacos again. There will be four of us. The last time all three talked and I mostly listened. By the time I thought of something to add the moved on to another subject. She doesn’t like me and made it obvious she has stuff in common. I just smiled and said little. Unless they directly asked me questions, I was quite. I grew up with the idea I should be seen and not heard, still trying to shake that idea.

We don’t really play together right now, he kinda fights it. I do catch him off guard ounce in awhile. We played battleship which was fun. Went to the movies with the kids. Share videos and watch movies at home. Trying to think of more.

JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

Hello

I really could use some advice, I just want to learn. I was invited to eat taco’s this is the second time. I am more or a listener and pay attention to my surroundings. I’m trying to understand and how to handle it in a respectful manner. I don’t like conflict or upsetting people, but don’t want others to be disrespectful to me (meaning the other woman). I’m not very good socially that is why I ask for advice.

Thank you
JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

Hi Heidi

This is what I couldn’t put on the one above about the question I asked and got a surprising answer.

I asked “would you tell me something that you like about me?

Husband: “you care about others”

Me: “something I may not know”

Husband: that is difficult then since I’m pretty sure you know everything I like about you”

Me: no I really don’t know, I have struggled to try to figure that out”

Husband (this was the surprise answer)
“That you are determined to reach a goal you strive for”

It is probably not how I should have approached it but the answer baffled me.

[Jacinda W]

Hi Heidi

The answer to the first question is yes I have seen a specialist. I have come a long way thanks to God. But still struggle with communication, and confidence. I’ve had to learn on my own for a long time, until the specialist. I am a logic thinker, also I pay attention to body language, and can tell most of the time what a person is feeling.

The kind of wife I want to be is, one who is in tune to my husband’s needs. To no be selfish, to be confident, to help with all I can, to be fun and witty, because he does like to banter for fun. It would make me feel good about myself to take care of my family as a loving Wife and Mother should be.

I lack confidence, and not good with fun banter, or conversation.

We a building a duck coop and already worked on the chicken coop. I took pictures and praised him on my Facebook page so family could see the progress as well. I thank him often, and offer to help him with whatever. I tell him I am grateful for all his hard work.

I didn’t do well on the hero instinct. This is my question to him. My husband is big on theater and special affects.
“Hey would it be possible to make a miniature grave site or something that is right next to the front door for next year’s Halloween? What do you think?“

One more thing a month or so ago I asked him to think of something positive about me or something that he likes. The response I got surprised me a great deal. His response was “ I like the way when you set a goal and go after it”. I have to check to see the exact words he replied, but that is close.

JaCinda

JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

Heidi

Thank you for responding. I am grateful for your assistance. I’m willing to do whatever I need to to to get my marriage back on track. I love my husband more than I thought could be possible to love someone.

I tried texting him to get his imagination going and the hero instinct to kick in. Only got a one word response. I think I did it wrong. Please help me through steps and get a plan going. I am lost and probably trying to hard. If I don’t make much sense I apologize, I am panicking and scared.

I do see glimpses of him caring for me, but he is trying to fight it. And how can the symptom go away?

Thank you JaCinda

[Jacinda W]

I couldn’t put everything because of space. I have more in depth of the situation. The reason I asked about outwitting the other woman is because she had invited me to eat with the group. She is an ex-coworker and has zoned in on the hero’s instinct. She is always asking for help with something. The other friend Paul is around most of the time. My husband says no they haven’t, he just wants time away to spend with a friend or friends. I can’t say anything bad about her it makes it worse.

I have been reading, and watching videos. I am willing to do whatever I can to change things.

I don’t know about what his thoughts are at the moment, about divorce or affair.

A few years ago after he had pushed me away and was distant for about 6 to 7 years. I thought it was what I wanted. I come to realize all I do is think about my husband, and everything we have done together. We have 3 wonderful girls.

I don’t communicate well because I was molested, sexually abused, and possibly raped from 8 or 9 to age 13. I get bad anxiety when having serious discussions.

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