[Anna L]

My boyfriends top quality language is 1. Touch 2. acts of services 3. quality time 4. words of affirmation 5. gifts.

Mine are 1. quality time 2.touch 3. words of affirmation 4. acts of services 5. gifts.

I feel like he is good at all the love languages and I feel loved the way he compliments me and touches me, and by him prioritizing me in his buzy scheduele.

It definetely makes a lot of sense that he does not always trust what I am saying since I often avoid conflict. And I would probably feel the same. This gives me a good perspective on how important it is for me to work on this. I am willing to have this deep conversation that you are suggesting and actually think this will be really good for both of us!

Thank you so much for the book-tip, I will check it out!

What do you mean by “right now is good, but it will soon be changing”. Is it possible to keep it stable like it is now, or is it like they say that all relationships will go through different ups and downs?

[Anna L]

Thank you so much for your answer! This made me see things in a different light as well.
You have many good tips, that I definitely would like to try out! I am really greatful for your help, and notice that I am getting to know my self better with the questions you are asking me.

My parents argued a lot and still do. They belive they are just discussing things and not arguing. My dad used to get angry a lot and raised his voice. I come from a more conservative family than all my friends growing up, so I always felt like my parents were more strict. I am a really social person, so I was out and about with friends all day long in my childhood, and think this helped me a lot. I got close to many other friends and families, but also were really close with my two sisters, dog, cousins, grandarents, and coworkes. I was most of the time active and hard working, so the family-issues I have did not start getting on my mind until I started partying around the age of 16/17 and had to sneak around. When I was young I think it was hard to communicate my feelings because my dad is the way he is.
He is always in the right, so I guess my feelings were not valid, and there were no point of communicating them.
lIhave reflected a lot around this, and am still working on standing up for myself. Most of the time I do not feel like it affects me as much anymore as it used to, since I am grown up now. But sometimes I feel ungreatful for how they raised me, and that they raised me in a way that they wanted me to be as independent as possible. I feel like they did not want to give us a lot of money, so I had to work a lot. At the same time I feel bad for being resentful. And this resentment I sometimes have felt in relationships as well, that I never get enough. And I do not know why I get this feeling. Even though I do indeed get a enough, I have this ungreatfulness feeling in me at times, and have had this since I was a child. The feeling that other have it better. So at times when I do get things, I already expected it. I feel like a bad person when I get this feeling, and know that it is not fair. I know that this is something I need to work on.

I feel like I have grown a lot, but I still have some work to do. Especially around my parents. When I am at home with my parents I feel small again.
I want to communicate how I feel around them, but my feelings get bottled up and explode, so I cannot tell them how I feel with out feeling like crying. I am also afraid of hurting their feelings. I am planning on having a therapist seassion about this.

[Anna L]

I have read about the Hero instinct and feel like this is helping the relationship. Since I have a hard time expressing my feelings at times I do not make my man feel appreciated. I know I can express myself passive aggressively and I think I need help with this. I do this to family members as well because I do not like conflict. So I hold things and suppress my feelings.

I believe my relationship is in it for the long haul. But I believe that I need to work on me, getting to know how to communicate better and better understand my feelings, so I don’t hurt anyone.

[Anna L]

Thank you!

My childhood was good. My mom was there a lot, but my dad worked a lot. We always had dinner together. I’ve always had a hard time expressing my feelings, since I was young. But I am working on this

I think it makes me feel relieved. I do not know why. Could be we love different in some ways yes. We have talked about love languages. We are both physical, but mine is more quality time than his.

I feel like we can find compromise as long as we try to understand each other.

And it could be good for me to get more in touch with my feelings.

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