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I started dating again in 2018 using online services and is where I met current partner. Prior to that I didn’t make very solid choices, hiding in an affair or physically abusive. Took time to go to therapy and coaching for myself for about 2 yrs. still engaged in therapy. I want something stable and mature where two ppl are not afraid to be vulnerable and also want to be with each other. See each other as an important part of their life and Vice versa.
He’s been married before no kids. His marriage lasted 15yrs and he said one serious relationship after that. He had a solid job but I don’t think he’s happy about his financial status.
Couples therapy is to understand whether this relationship is worth it for both of us. He came to me in mar 2021 and asked for a break because he didn’t feel the same about us as he knew I did. He couldn’t offer me the answer I’m looking for, are we going long term or not. He can’t have a discussion about that question. So two weeks into the break and wants to meet. Tells me we have a good thing and he wants to try. We agree to therapy. It’s been that long until tomorrow night that we put it off. I insisted finally. I have been believing he wants this long term when he came back but yesterday he said it again, I don’t know. He then proceeds to cut me out of a trip we were planning together to meet his dad, which he has been telling me he has wanted for over a year. He gave me the reason that since we agreed to stay with his family, he didn’t feel like I wanted that, which is weird because I really emphasized this point when we agreed to stay with his family because I knew he would try to use that reasoning to not schedule it; I didn’t know he’d use that reason to boot me off the trip. From the day I met him he has been assuming my feelings. It’s mainly come about from why he won’t introduce me to any of his friends who all happen to be ex girlfriends. I think that tells me a lot but I give him the benefit of the doubt that he isn’t this guy who just gets in and out of relationships and has no friends. Whenever I’ve asked why a relationship ended, he tells me they left. I feel like I know where this relationship is going.
We start therapy tomorrow and honestly I just want to run away and try again. I love him. He loves me but that isn’t enough and to me isn’t a mature relationship I’m looking for. I want to grow and get into a deeper connection. He says he’s afraid of being hurt. So am I but I’m believing in him so I do it.
