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Hi Spyce,
So, nothing yet. I really thought the little videos would work. This whole situation is really tough to understand. I keep trying and nothing. My friends encourage me to keep trying. Everybody feels bad for him. I just don’t know how to reach him. The cookies deliver tomorrow. Preparing for another day with nothing from him.
I think what scares me most is I know he’s a good person. To not acknowledge anything I’m doing with even a text really makes me worry. Does depression and grief really do this to people?
Under any other circumstances, if I guy did this to me, I would be gone. When I even think of giving up, I get upset with myself because that’s a very selfish thought. He’s the one who is really hurting. Anything I feel pales in comparison. My doubt creeps in with his silence. As strong as I’m trying to be, I can’t sleep more than a few hours. This is just wearing me down. I stayed busy all day. I’m just at a loss.
Hi Spyce,
I sent a few short videos today. I really liked that idea. I think the messages delivered were much more powerful with my voice and emotion behind them. I used your points as the basis for the messages and did some not to serious comments too.
Fingers crossed he will respond when he gets them. I hope this really helps to pull him out of his shell.
Thanks for the the video idea.
Hi Spyce,
Everything you have said makes a lot of sense. It is helping. The problem is getting through to him right now. I don’t feel like words like that should be sent in a text. He’s not responding to me yet. The only thing in my mind is a handwritten letter.
Do you have any suggestions?
One more thought – Thank you for the compliment regarding my son. He is my anchor in life. After all, we lived through divorce together. It included separation while living in the same house for years, which hurt us all.
My son lived through a similar experience as my current one nearly two years ago. I don’t believe he is over it fully but he finally has a new life in another state now.
His first girlfriend lost her grandmother, they broke up, and her mother died over four days time. It was incredibly difficult as a parent watching his suffering. He wanted to be there for her. She couldn’t accept him. They were both very young. I couldn’t help much – except to be there for my son. I’m sure my situation hurts him too – brings back his memories.
Regarding the manly man question – kinda. He definitely takes care of himself. He’s got an amazing body. He’s just not arrogant or conceited about it.
Is he open emotionally? Based upon current circumstances, no. He never really was very open. He’s just confident.
Thanks Spyce.
We have been together 16 months.
I guess he is a caretaker. I have never thought about it before. He takes care of his parents when he can be with them – goes to the store, cooks three meals, cleans, fixes things. When I visit, he always has a special food waiting for me on his counter. He drives out of his way to buy my favorite drink. It’s such an inconvenience, I have not done it yet. He bought a pack of car wash tickets for me to use when I visit him.
He is always laughing and smiling. I missed him when he left my life two decades ago. We were not anything back then. I just saw him in passing at work occasionally. I did find it strange I missed his presence back then. He’s never really down. He never complains. When I complain to him, I keep it short – always.
I still couldn’t find the words. I sent him a box of sweets with a simple thinking of you, love you message for delivery Monday (first day possible). It is just like one he had waiting for me on a visit.
I’m trying so hard not to push but let him know I care. When I felt something was very wrong, I did sent a fairly lengthy last text offering any kind of support he needed. It also said if you need to be alone, I will be waiting. I did not let him deliver that space message to me. Then, I cried for days waiting for a reply.
Hopefully, I answered all your questions. Today is a bad day. I woke up anxious and upset after two pretty good days. It’s very strange.
And I agree on leeway. If not for his grief, I would not be waiting. He had put me in a place I never imagined in my life. I truly understand what unconditional love means for somebody other than my child.
No problems exist in our relationship – other than it is long distance. However, we both have reasons not related to us to travel to each other’s respective cities. It is easy to get together.
Honestly, I believe he is “the one” – the absolute love of my life. I just have not told him yet. As I said before, I was very happy and content with just being us. I was getting to the point of telling him how I really feel.
I’ve been married. I’ve been divorced. I’ve been engaged a few times (when I was young). Looking back, none of those relationships felt right. I knew it then just as I know now this one is right.
This event coincides with me having much more time to devote to him. I’m now free to give much more of my life to him as I am officially an empty nester.
His mother’s death was a bit unexpected in that she died after a brief illness although her health had been declining in the past few years. Our remaining three parents have serious health issues. He has been a positive source of strength as I navigated those waters. I really felt we were supporting each other. This year, one of our parents was in the hospital every month (mainly mine). We both have been dealing with parental health issues for a few years now. He has always understood the time I need to help my parents as I have for him.
To fill the void in my life, I’ve done a lot of reading trying to understand grief because he was there and then suddenly gone. “Don’t take it personal. Keep reaching out.” Then, I read all these stories of people upset their partner left them (broke up) while living through similar issues. Human beings fill emptiness with negative thoughts. It’s natural. I guess I’m just scared of the outcome some days. Other days, I’m still confident in us that he will call when he’s ready.
I think our relationship may have suddenly gotten real to him. It did to me. We are both old enough to know by now if it’s real or not – early 50s. We met in our 20’s. I love the fact we found each other after living separate lives all these years. We never dated back then. We only knew each other slightly.
When the person you love shuts down like this, it’s heartbreaking. Ironically, my college kid has been a source of strength. He tells me every day that my relationship isn’t over. Coming from a guy, it helps.
I still haven’t reached out again. It’s been five days. Still trying to find the words – 25 words or less is my rule right now. I will soon. No response hurts even though it’s “not personal”.
Thanks for the reply Spyce. No, us refers to him and me. He lost a parent. I think this is the first truly difficult event of his life.
It’s tough to keep reaching out when he doesn’t reply. I have no idea when this silence will end. I tried all day to find the words to send him a text. I never found them. Maybe tomorrow after I sleep on it. I don’t want to push him away. I also miss him terribly. It has to show.
