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Okay, I’ve thought long and hard on this closure conversation. I also purchased and read How to Make Him Desire You. I wanted to learn and understand what I’m doing to put myself into such situations. I completely see how childhood created bad pictures of what I should expect as an adult but why my love life and not the rest of it? I broke the streak of no college graduates and even went on to obtain an MBA. I’m comfortable and provide a safe home for my girls. So why did I let love be my catch, and allow such deep pain and neglect to exist? I will keep working on it. Reading the training was enlightening, I admit most of it i knew but maybe didn’t fully follow thru on action wise.
Mike has sent me a few spaced out texts. I ask if he could or would want to meet for dinner or a movie. He responded he does, but very busy. We all know if you really want something we make time. I think I went so far outside of my personal values I feel judged by him. This is why I would like to talk to him to explain how I got to that point and maybe he gets it maybe not, at least I can rest assured I was open and vulnerable. Maybe I do want him to realize that what control I gave was rare if not extinct and continue a relationship. If not I will be okay he isn’t the only fish but he is a really great one on many levels. I appreciate your thoughts on this and if there is a suggestion to how I do it?
Thank you!
Hey ladies… what do you think about me messaging Mike to get some closure. I’m not hung up on him but the all stop has my mind activated. I probably shouldn’t care.
Thank you both for your thoughts on this. You are absolutely correct it doesn’t feel good right now. I’m leaning into believing what you and my therapist are saying. I keep thinking it would be easier to shove my needs way down but I know that its not what is right.
Mike hasn’t messaged me since last Friday morning when he said he hoped I was having a great week and his was crazy nuts. I never responded to him since my message prior was a very vulnerable side of me that I dont let out much.
I’m 44 and have a 3 and 6 year old. I’m scared nobody will want to start over with me and my young girls. Most people think I’m around 33 to 35 but when they find out my age their eyes blow out.
I’m still fighting the urge to reach out to Mike. Crossing my fingers my house sells soon and that my spouse is receptive when he gets the divorce papers.
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement I need it.
Sigh 😕. It would be so wonderful to let myself collapse into someone’s arms and absorb the safety of it. I do agree getting the attention and being desired threw me into a spiral but it also reassured me that a divorce is a must. I will never trust my spouse again. I’ve given him some of the best years of my life.
I will refrain from contacting Mike. If he is someone that really wants me he will have to let me know it. In the meantime I will use last weekend to push me forward and maintain my courage. I would ever want my girls in a marriage or any relationship like I’m in. It was a wonderful weekend.
Is it okay that I still keep crying? Or does that mean I’m not buying what I’m selling?
Thank you so much. My therapist and I have uncovered the Why in my willingness to go so long. In a nut shell that was my childhood. No father around to give me attention and my mother outwardly let me know i was her biggest mistake. I dont know anything other than just existing among the people that should love me. I didn’t want a divorce or even consider until I began with my therapist. Once I started peeling the layers back I realized I wasn’t wrong to have the feelings I have.
You are absolutely correct that drink of water threw me into a spiral. I’m very scared of everything and that feeling of safety and being wanted was like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
He the younger guy has pulled away and I dont blame him. He hasn’t been cold but just let me know that he has a crazy busy week. My intuition is that he is thinking the same thing. I’m not divorced yet, I’ve been neglected, etc…
He sent me a text yesterday saying he hoped I was having a great week and that his had been crazy. I haven’t replied.I saw my therapist and told her and then cried the biggest cry I’ve ever had. She assured me I won’t end up alone and that it shows how deep my hurt is. I’m trying to stay focused on me but I wish I wouldn’t have tasted the water 😪.
I dont know what to do now.
