[Cindy T]

Thank you so much Heidi!

So, we’re going to the beach Friday evening – he wants to take advantage of the nice weather while it’s here! Love how he thinks!! And I’ve told him so.

Also, texting is really no fun, and one reason is losing body language, tone of voice etc. What I love is he asks instead of infers. Then I clarify and he’s good. Counting down the hours till we see each other Friday!

First, thankfully, I am not the same person I was last time I was “in a relationship.” So, I anticipate way more fun and a lot less fear on my part. I do have anxiety that gets triggered every now and then and lately it’s been all the stuff posted on Facebook about men, relationships and dating. (Prompted no doubt by my getting onto the apps.) I bought this course and joined this community, after all! So I get buy this book, watch this video, over and over, triggering thoughts of what don’t I know and what will go wrong. I do need to remind myself every now and then of a phrase I also saw on Facebook – instead of focusing on what could go wrong, consider the possibility of what could go right – and similar ones. I keep going back to that. I love what you wrote in reply and wonder your take on these “resources” for understanding the male mind, etc. I’m thinking I just want to review what I have so far and reach out as needed. And you’re absolutely right – what’s the worst that could happen? Another day, sun shines, and I’ve grown that much more!

Thanks again,
Cindy

[Cindy T]

Well, I guess it’s time for an update and possibly switch to another forum in the community… I met someone through OurTime. I was feeling so overwhelmed by the experience of being on it – secretly excited that I was getting so much attention! I decided to meet a couple more men and then hide my profile for a while so I could ‘perfect’ my profile and learn from the recon experience.

Well, I met this man for dinner last Friday. He expressed his discontent for the whole online dating experience “I’m Old School” – that all the women he met so far were only interested in fwb or sugar daddies. He also came right out and mentioned possible ‘deal breakers’ that weren’t such a big deal to me, though acknowledged there may need to be some negotiations. Then hit him with my ‘deal breaker’ of Wiccan/Voodou, and he replied ‘different strokes for different folks.’ Dinner was lovely. He complimented my appearance, seemed very nervous as he was married for 29 years and now finding himself on the dating scene again. After dinner we decided on a second date, and he walked me to my car and we gently kissed good-night.

We have been texting daily ever since. Good morning. Have a great day at work. Etc. nothing heavy. Though he asked me what I thought was a perfect date, to which I replied, it depends. I finally replied, “spending quality time with someone, enjoying each other’s company, engaged in a gratifying activity, contributing to each other’s joy and well-being.” He replied, “Awesome.” When I passed the ball to him, he replied, “Ditto.” We chatted about trips to NYC, New Orleans, Alaskan Cruises. He’s never been out of the country except for Canada so not sure if he’s keen on a trip to Romania – on my bucket list someday! He texted, “I want to know everything about you.” We’re friends on Facebook, now.

He works 7 days a week now but will be letting go of weekend job in a few months. We work opposite schedules. And he is planning to take me to dinner Friday evening, maybe stream the movie, Black Widow. He lamented – you aren’t available till Friday – because I work 12-11PM M-Th. Then I thought I have an hour dinner each day and invited him to dinner Monday – love crockpot cooking. He’ll get to meet the Pugs – he says he’s okay with dog hair and high energy Divas. We’ll see.

Yesterday, he started using his Bitmoji avatar to say that he’s thinking about me. Other men on the app were messaging everyday and it felt smothering. This feels like the right amount of contact. Today, I asked about the avatar and created my own. I think she looks better than I do, but when I replied ‘Thanks’ to his wishing me a good day at work, he replied, “I like… almost as beautiful as the real thing.” Then I mentioned I needed to get used to the Bitmoji app and followed up with, “I don’t ever want to get “used to” you.” Him – smiley with hearts and then “I hope I don’t either.”

Yikes – correct me if I am wrong – he’s smitten! And I just do not want to mess this up!!!

So I guess I may continue this over in that forum…
Thank you all again for your feedback…
Cindy

[Cindy T]

Thank you, Heather & Heidi!

Great feedback! My biggest concern with him was not so much a scam but perhaps being too needy. How eager he is and his choice of words is what triggered my concern. Luckily, I have chosen a restaurant away from my home and we are meeting there for dinner Sat night. Quite public, so I’ll feel reasonably safe. He seems like a nice guy, and is an Aquarius – astrologist told me to be on the lookout for an Aquarius but I also know that is not in stone. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so we’ll see how it goes! I am glad to know that I am not wrong in being careful and my intuition and instincts are on it!

Thanks again, both of you!
Cindy

[Cindy T]

Thank you again, Heidi!

Yes those are the headings of the default sections of the profile. There are other questions you can choose to answer – I may explore those as well. The Personality Questions are multiple choices. Here is the update on the interests (the headings are given then you fill in details)

My Top Interests:
Music
Eclectic tastes – love jazz, rock, country and more (loved the 80s)

Religion and Spirituality
Wiccan/Voodou- Being grounded and committed to self-care and personal growth

Family and Friends
I love to enjoy time together – laughing and caring for one another

I have had so much response and may be narrowing the playing field to someone to spend more time with soon. Contacted Our Time to ask how to suspend my account so as not to be rude and non-responsive while I see where it goes.

Thanks again, and looking forward to your next reply!
Cindy

[Cindy T]

Thank you Spyce and Heidi for surrounding me with such support!! There is a reason why I have never “dated” before now…

So, my weekend – what a blast! [I will refer to the men as Bachelor 1, or B1, etc].  So I met B1 for a walk along a trail near my home – NY has so many wonderful State Parks! We started at the North End of the trail, then discovered the that waterfall was at the South End, and he drove me down there to see them. Very polite and gentlemanly. I had to adjust my walking to match his a time or two. Nice, enjoyable, but doubtful we’ll see each other again.

B2, on the other, there may be something there, at least chemistry, but still too early to tell. We chatted on the app on Thursday until he finally asked my weekend plans – not quick to respond so trying to match his pace. He told me his, and I asked if he wanted company while his friend’s band played – Absolutely! So I went. He chauffers the drummer of a local rock band that played in an area bar Friday night. Pouring rain so not a huge crowd.  I wore a fun dress that I bought in New Orleans last month because I needed some new clothes that make me feel confident and beautiful. Long story short, I had a blast! I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much. He does have a harsh sense of humor – says he’s a realist but seems to criticize everything, including some things I adore ( yellow flag). We exchanged numbers as he did make me laugh and I had a good time and I am not putting him on a pedestal with high expectations, yet.  He walked me to my car before the band ended so he could help his friend get home safely. Let’s just say the Good Night kiss was quite passionate, and when he asked when we’d see each other again, he replied, “I have to wait until next weekend?!?!” He asked for ‘soon.’

Well we both worked Saturday morning, and then I had plans to meet a girlfriend to see my friend’s local band play – she had to cancel due to family emergency, and B2 had plans to go to the races in another town. Nevertheless he texted me Good Morning again Saturday and kept checking in with me about my plans. And then we met on his way from home from the races.  Got physical again – a long lead off of second base – then he said he had an appointment with his Dr next week to get ‘the little blue pill.’  Definitely some sexual attraction on both our ends. And I asked him what was the best part of Friday night – “meeting you.” And asked him the best part of the races – had a great conversation about that, great tactic for learning more about someone! – I’d be willing to go with him if it come up again. Definitely got the impression he is tuning into what I want and what makes me happy.  He then asked about the timing of my plans for dinner with my folks on Sunday – wanted to rest during the day and then see me after dinner.

On Sunday, no Good Morning text, so I texted him Good Afternoon, and he replied. I continued to check in with him all day, no response. So, I’m thinking he turned into a ghost. Then today, he texted me Good Afternoon. And replied to my question that he did not get nearly enough rest. So I’m thinking not over yet!  B3 bailed on me – not really surprised and no great loss.

I have a walk in the park date with B4 this coming Saturday. He lives 1h 30m away, which is a drag to me as I need to stay close to Rochester for my parents. He made the argument that it may be a nice drive to spend the weekend… he deserves a meet.  Then I am chatting with B5 who lives 2-3 hours away. Nice guy, AF vet, just again not keen on the distance. Both B4 & B5 try to chat everyday, which is wearying, especially as work schedules conflict. I am wondering your thoughts on B5, if there is a kind way to say ‘no thanks’ to him, as I want to a) see where this goes with B2 and b) remain closer to home.  Then I have a B6 response to my like – I’d be willing to met him for lunch and he offered a boat ride, if that goes well. Weather is iffy for boating but… I am thinking I need Friday for me time, unless B2 wants company while his friend’s band plays again.

Sheesh. I am enjoying the attention. I felt so good this weekend and laughed a lot with B2. I don’t want to mess anything up but not setting high expectations right away.  Please please please your thoughts.  And below is what I have for my Our Time profile. They limit the number of characters you can use so I’m thinking of maximizing the space and not repeating likes, etc. Further, I am Wiccan/Voodou and keeping that out of the profile.  A lot of nice Christian men… I’m also irritated by the profiles of men that are a pic, maybe, and their location. Really? Can’t bother to put some effort in?  Or the pic is really bad… Am I being too critical? Looking forward to your feedback! Thanks again!

How about we…
What I wanted to include: Spend the weekend in New Orleans: take a mule-drawn carriage ride thru the Quarter, eat some oysters, dine at the Vampire Café, get drinks at the Old Absinthe House and listen to some cool jazz on a warm night. After a Haunted History Tour, we could soak in the jacuzzi before falling into bed together. Perhaps even meet some gators on a swamp tour!

What I could include (character limit): Spend the wknd in New Orleans: a carriage ride thru the Quarter, oysters, the Vampire Café, drinks @ the Old Absinthe House, jazz, a Haunted History Tour and gators!

In a nutshell
I have been single, strong & independent all my life and now ready to spend the best part of it with my best friend and lover. Honesty, laughter and passion are most important to me.

The one I’m looking for
Strength, friendship, honesty, reliability, a soulmate, fun, wit & humor, adventure, relaxation, freedom, good conversation, laughter, romance, passion

I’d just like to add
I desire a soulmate, a long-term partner, someone living in the present with an eye on the future.  I want to laugh & enjoy our time together, where we may contribute to each others’ happiness.

Personality Questions:

Q: Do you enjoy cooking
A: I quite like cooking
Q: How patient do you consider yourself
A: Quite patient
Q: Are you romantic
A: Extremely romantic
Q: How punctual are you typically
A: Always on time
Q: Do you enjoy going to the movies
A: Enjoy it
Q: How much do you enjoy going to live theatre
A: Love it
Q: How much do you like reading
A: I love it

 
Music
Eclectic tastes – love jazz, rock, country and more (loved the 80s)
 

(thinking of changing this one to Spirit – a huge priority to me tho not mainline)
Wine Tasting and Spirits
I enjoy good wine, beer and absinthe
 

 
Family and Friends
I love to enjoy time together – laughing and caring for one another

[Cindy T]

Yeah, I need help! I have 3 meetings this weekend with interesting men and another in the works for next weekend as this one is BOOKED! I think I need more help navigating profiles – mine is getting A LOT of attention! And I may need to better present my profile to a more target audience? Yep, definitely need help. We’ll see how this weekend goes! Thanks!

[Cindy T]

Thank you, Heidi!

I really appreciate your feedback! WOW.

Now that I am back to my baseline health-wise, I am in a good place to take this step. I do want to meet someone for the long haul and willing to work at it.

I wasn’t happy with Silver Singles so I jumped over to OurTime yesterday. I was overwhelmed by the responses and have a strategy in mind. I struck up conversations with several men, most of which seem potential matches. And I have 2 meets set up for this weekend – maybe a 3rd in progress. Though no rush to squeeze them all in.

I would love some guidance with my profile and with navigating should the first meets go well – how to choose? I have a hunch I’ll know but open to tried a true methods, if there are any.

Thanks again, Heidi, and I look forward to hearing more from this forum!
Cindy

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