[Marina K]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you very much for your reply. I think it is spot on, whether I want this or not.

The thing is, with 3-4 relationships in the past also destroyed because of my trust issue, I kind of want to try another different route. And I don’t know, maybe this is the way? Maybe I should also try to have open relationship because it seems that my wishes for monogamy only resulted in ‘suffocation’, breaking up, abandonment issue, etc.
I don’t know what I should held up as ideals of relationships. Do you think there is a line, or boundary?

[Marina K]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for your reply. I think your answer is really spot on.

I do have a tendency to be jealous and I do have trust-issues, based on some infidelity that i experienced in the past.

But yes, it was indeed fishy and I don’t think he is trustworthy. He went late partying until 2 am, going to pool parties when a female ‘friend’ who flirted with him invited him, went out dancing in a club without telling me, etc. He said, back when we’re still together, this is just him being lively and social, it’s just part of his personality, and I am too paranoid to be suspicious of these things. Well, It is hard for me to tell whether i am the one who is being over-jealous, or is he the one who’s being not trustworthy?

However, I ended up meeting him again last week, and he gladly do things for me just like your course stated. He also said that he still loves me and he will go visit me wherever I am in this world. (But yes, no mention of us getting back exclusive again). Now i am back for some months in my home country and I don’t know what I’m doing: I just don’t trust him and am quite sure he’s flirting around there and it’s killing me.

By the way, there is always a thing from the course that I want to ask: the course said that we should not be ‘the other option’ apart from the adventurous life he’s having — that he should be able to see us as a PART of their adventurous life. Isn’t flirting around with female friends, or dating around, a part of this ‘free, adventurous life’? Aren’t men hardwired not to be monogamous anyway? Does this mean that we, women, should be okay with men having their ‘adventurous life’ with females in order for them not to see us as a ‘hindrance’ or ‘the other option’ he needs to choose?
I see our situation that way right now. He is becoming my hero (and he actually delivered), but he also wants to see his ‘female friends’ and this is perfect (for him) because we’re not exclusive anymore… Is this kind of ‘open arrangement’ actually suggested by the course?

[Author]

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