Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi Heidi,
Personally, I’d like to give things another shot between us, but I honestly don’t know if he’s trying to get a relationship going because he’s been hot and cold about it. The main thing that confuses me is the fact he will talk about things that are close between us or flirt and right after mention the fact I’m his ex. I just don’t know what step to take as of now.
Hi Heidi,
It’s been a while since the beginning situation and things are as complex as ever. As for the whole “quirk” I’ve completely disregarded it by now because he’s awkward with words at times, but I’ve chalked it up to whenever he’s trying to lie or is flustered it triggers. After your last post I’d been trying to self-reflect and I’d tried many various methods to get over my ex including the no contact, attempting to convince myself that I hate them/don’t care about them, telling myself they aren’t worth it, and many other methods but after all of it I still can’t get over them.During my no contact I worked on finding a way to try and get back to my college since I’m staying in a temporary place. I thought back to how the relationship started and it was when I was praying and specifically said: “Right now I’m fine if I have to live my life alone, but if someone is out there for me and tells me they have feelings for me and I feel the same way I’ll give my all and stay committed to them.” Not even a second after I finished saying that my ex had confessed their feelings toward me over a text. During this time I lost my car to an accident months prior, COVID had just struck and I just finished quarantining for the virus, a roommate had moved out so I was already working more to try and cover the over $1,000 of rent since the college had no dorms, and still taking college classes. My ex had always stayed with me through all that and even when I had to move back to my family’s place as a result he was with me. So in all honesty, I believe the main reason I was/am so attached to him was because he’d seen me at my worst and things were looking up, but the stress of being with my family and that one person that poured their own extra doubt into the relationship are what I feel ended up breaking it all up.
During the no contact I also tried to come up with a plan to try and gauge how they really felt which didn’t really help much and if anything likely just set myself up for more heartbreak. He’d mentioned traveling to the tournament near my college so I offered to have him stay with me at the apartment I’m moving into during the tournament’s duration and that I’d be his transportation while he was down since he doesn’t drive. In return, if things went well between us while he’s down there, we’d give the relationship another shot. He fired of with “Hypothetically, if I were going out with someone during the tournament then what exactly would happen?” Without missing a beat I shot back “If you OR myself are with someone by this point in time, then there’s nothing I can do because if you’re in a relationship I have no right to break it up and if I’m in a relationship then obviously I wouldn’t cheat on my partner.” They agreed after.
I did my no contact successfully, but a few weeks after it ended I was checking through forums that I typically moderated and saw one of my ex’s posts that day. They typically livestream and they sent over their stream. I check the time and it would have just started but I addressed them telling them there was an issue with it. Long story short they used the situation and instantly made me a moderator for their entire community again. A few days later I found out people were trying to cancel them and were using underhanded methods and out of context clips that would put some news stations to shame and held their own stream calling out to him like he was a dog. He had just called me for the night since by then we’d been talking each night for about a few days and he’d claimed that we ALWAYS talked at the end of the day when I was about to just get off one night. I stepped into the stream while he watched and defended him, taking insults and belittlement dishing out no hatred or disrespect towards the accusers as they slowly trickled into the call to try and overwhelm me, but I showed restraint, defended him, and even exposed their own lies and tactics for what they were. Ever since that night, he’s been acting almost identically to when we were in a relationship with one another even throwing in a few teases before doubling back over them again or starting/ending sentences with “Even though you’re my ex”.
As of now my ex and I have been talking consistently for the past 2 weeks and they even texted me apologizing about not responding at times earlier within them, but most every time I try to end the conversation or leave they always leave a text to try and get me to keep talking even though they won’t message first. They also now keep coming to me asking my opinion on some things and even want me to make choices for them and I don’t understand why.
Hi Heidi,
Thanks for a fresh insight on the situation. To answer your question we’re both young sitting at 21 years with a month between our birthdates.With the information I gave you it’s almost like you already know me! My personal situation before this is why I’ve become the way I am, but put short I was raised out of altruism and not as much love. During the relationship something clicked for me and I understood what my love actually was.
The main reason I’m hesitant to just drop my ex entirely is because we’d known each other a year beforehand and we’re both on ends of the high functioning autism spectrum, but his “quirk” comes from a learning disability and that’s honestly the main reason I’m having diffuculty in the situation. That along with the fact that it feels like our relationship was ended due to circumstances from others soaking into it.
It’s been a little over 2 months since the breakup and apart from media we aren’t as active on we don’t even follow each other. I really don’t know if he was serious about meeting in December and that thought in the back of my mind is likely another reason I don’t want to let this go; however, I also don’t really want to go out of my way to talk to him at the moment.
We never really had a no contact phase and things were rocky after that last conversation we’d had so I’m basically treating the separation at this moment as my no contact. During this time I’ve nust been focusing on college and trying to reorgamize myself for when I do eventually move down again.
