[Rosario D]

Well, yesterday 10 minutes before he had to go for dinner. He started asking me if I had something to tell him. I told him not particularly because he was leaving and it’s not the right time to have a conversation. But he insisted that it was time to speak. So long story short-He is going through some stuff and he prefers to be alone and the longer I stay maybe would do more damage between us. However, take the time I need to find a place. I told him how I felt and he left for dinner. I gathered a few things and left. What else is there to say? That is that.

[Rosario D]

Hi Heidi,

I love what you said. We have had that conversation before but I didn’t articulate myself as well as you just did.

Love is indeed a risk and I will put this in my own words and say this to him. I am trying to show him that I too have plans, even if I would like to plan with him that there will always be a risk that it may not be achieved. But it’s a risk I am willing to take with him. Hopefully, he feels the same.

I will send in an update once this conversation happens.

I appreciate all the time and support

[Rosario D]

Thanks Coach Spyce,

I am planning to have a conversation about him this weekend about me contributing in rent or bills.

I want a relationship where i feel valued, loved and respected. Eventually I would like to settle down and have a family of my own. A relationship where we can communicate with each other, support and independence

Initially I never wanted to meet him. But our friend insisted that we should so despite all my hesitation, my friend invited him over for his party at my house and he came over. The second he opened the door and we locked eyes. I knew my life would change. When we went on our weekend getaway the whole trip was like a big de ja vu.

There are many times throughout the relationship that we read each other’s mind. The weirdest one was I wanted to make tofu and couldn’t find it in 3 shops. I never mentioned it but the next day he comes home from groceries and says I never tried this but I saw it and I bought it-tofu!

[Rosario D]

Hi Heidi,

I am divorced so I am not even sure myself if I want to marry again. He mentioned the whole marrying thing because of the visa. We are not from the same country and it will be difficult for me to stay permanently there without work, learning the language, etc.

What I know from the past relationship, was they had been together for a decade and he had planned things with her and was very disappointed that they didn’t go through. He told me many times, since then he never makes plans with anyone because he can only depend on himself. He told me this when we met that he wasn’t sure if he would. There are some family issues; that he is torn about being here and not being able to spend time with his parents and he is undecided.

He told me he feels like he hasn’t planned his life in the past few months and that he needs to start organizing his life.

Regarding the space, I don’t even know. As I am writing down all the answers to your questions and I’m just seeing it clearer and clearer. He is telling me exactly what he wants and I am trying to find any little opening of hope!

I thought I wanted a life with him. We went on weekend adventure for a snow trip and he taught me how to snowboard, we were planning a trip to Paris in March last year. I thought things were going alright and that they would eventually end up with common goals. I wish I knew what was missing.

[Rosario D]

Hi Coach Spyce,

Thank you so much for your reply.

My goals is to be in a relationship with mutual respect. A relationship where we can communicate and work on things together but still having our own independence.

My previous role was stressful because it was on commission only. I wasn’t in control of my time. It was a cut throat industry and it was also very stressful for me since I was not making enough and I was not able to plan anything. I have started a better job last week which he thinks I am really lucky to have landed in the current situation. He is helping me financially by not asking me to for rent or bills. If I dissect it more, he may feel that he was thrown into the provider role too soon?

We had another conversation the other day. He was upset because I did not know how to give him space. I was stunned cause when he got back from his holidays he was completely fine with me. We spent the whole 2 week quarantine without a single argument, I only spoke to him when he approached me. He doesn’t know why I am still around when he told me his plans and that he wishes I am a part of them, but I am not. So I left the conversation at that. Then later that evening, he was very affectionate and I just took it as is. The next day he was the same much more communicative.

So really, I don’t know what to do-even if I think I do. If I am not part of his plans even though he wishes. That is something I can not change right? And if his plans don’t include me, why am I staying? Because of love? No matter how much you love someone, unfortunately, that doesn’t make them love you back.

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